To think that I should call Social Services

[Hamsteritis]

Long story...

I have an on/off friend (i'll explain that later) with six DC, five at home. She recently decided to start speaking to me again and i'm worried about her and her family.

She was blatently not coping so i went round to offer help, to take the children off her hands for the day etc etc. Genuinely trying to be helpful.

Oh my god!! Her home is filty, think the kind of place that Kim and Aggie wouldn't touch, there's literally NO visible floor, it's all covered in compacted 'stuff', the kitchen's filty, mouldy bowls of unidentifyable food everywhere, all surfaces covered in mountains of stuff, small 'walkway' through to the other side of the kitchen to a pile of crisps and chocolate bars on the floor that seem to be the only fresh food in the house. Front room, hallways and bathroom the same state.

The poor DC were thick with grime, two of the late teen sons who seem to have some kind of learning difficulties are very very thin and all their teeth are rotten. Her DH was passed out in a chair stinking of alcohol (He's always been a drinker, last time we spoke she was divorcing him).

Anyway you get the picture. She comes home, i'm a little stunned, blurt out 'what the hell' (i know - not helpful). She goes apeshit, apparently - it's not her fault, the council should have rehomed her (she's not on council), i have no right coming to her house etc etc finished off with WHY SHOULD I. Everyone's fault but hers. I scurried away rather intimidated.

I've spoken to my DH and some of the mum's at the school that her youngest DD attends she's been offered help, soo much, from so many different people. Her older DD who moved away years ago has been seen a few times chucking out multiple sacks of 'stuff' the whole while being screamed at and apparently doesn't come anymore.

I just don't know what to do for the best. It's not a safe environment for children and vulnerable adults to live in but i know that if social services do a home visit her children will be taken away. Not sure what'll happen to her older sons as they certainly don't seem capable of being self sufficient.

Can you help people who simply won't accept it or sould I just accept things have gone too far and report the family? I don't want to make things worse (although i'm not sure that's possible).

Well done, you did the right thing. Definitely.

im a firm beliver (apart from the odd mistake) that ss rarely take away children that dont need to be taken away befor anybody jumps on me note i alowed for the occasional mistake the process that has to be followed to do so is fairly restrictive and would also include others not just ss so put this out of your mind.

if your being totally honest and it really is as described then you are colluding with abuse if you dont report you must. she clearly needs help and clearly isant looking after the children

How awful!

Call SS. They should be able to support and improve things. They always aim to keep the children with the parents, so taking them away is a last resort.

(DH is a social worker)

If in doubt, call them. She might get the help that she needs, and at least you will know that all the children will have someone on their side. SS are not all bad, and I speak from experience. And I speak as someone who has seen IRL help from the system, not as someone part of the system.

Those children sound severely neglected. Your friend needs help. Frame it to SS in that way. Ask what family support services are available and tell them what you have seen. Most people turn a blind eye to neglect but it damages kids and although difficult, you have the power to try and help them out of it.

Well done Hamsteritis, you've done the right thing. Hard, difficult thing to do in one way, but she needs help and no one she knows would seem to have the authority needed. It could easily be that once SS get involved it will help her to deal with her alcoholic h too.

Been faulsly reported and it is no big deal. They investigate, decise there is no problem and go away. If there is a problem...................no problem, they will deal with it.

If you don't report and the worst happened, you would be responsible!

I was maliciously reported and there was no problem and they would have gone away if there wasn't a horrific case of child abuse in our city that month. I had to keep a food diary because some evil bastard had starved their child to death. All new cases were being treated that way. After 4 weeks and one visit they picked the diary up and I haven't seen them since.

It is a big deal because who the hell did that?

i trust hardly anybody now.

yes call the childrens helpdesk and they will put a report in to the assessment team. SS very rarely take children into care without puting in place some sort plan to help and support the family but you cant just leave it as it is.

Khyra Ishaq case? the one where the mother got 15 years and it went to a full part eight review? after one that big they HAVE to be seen to do something.

This also explains SS willingness to escalate to s47 and care proceedings quickly in '09-10, according to the figures, after Baby P had everyone up in arms. Then you get a case like the Websters where children were wrongly removed, at least in the parents' eyes (and these cases are usually frustrating for professionals as they are barred from commenting even while the parents involved are attacking them in the media.) and it goes back to "family preservation" to avoid a "SS are child snatchers" scandal.

It's a forever swinging pendulum. I wish it would settle somewhere around the middle.

Well done for phoning them, I really hope your friend and the children get the help they need.

Well done :) As the leaflets my LSCB hands out say: "Doing nothing does not protect children" [emphasis original].

47to31in7days that name rings a bell. I try not to read of the details in the newspapers etc just where, how when in it basics. I find it too distressing. 15 years PAH!

I have witnessed SW intervention become a very positive thing. SW do a lot of good.

Why do people breed so many kids that they can't look after? when does it become 'too much'? the sixth? ridiculous. Call SS on these unfit parents.

And before someone mentions depression - depression does NOT make you push out so many kids so that you can fuck up their lives.

I am done with terrible parents.

It's the devil and the deep blue sea.

Making that call was the right thing, the only thing, to do. Have a and reflect on the fact that you would have felt a lot more guilty for a lot longer if you hadn't got in touch with the NSPCC.

Well done for reaching out for your friend - I sincerely hope she gets the help and support she needs.

Socual services will very rarely take kids away without giving the parent / s lots of chances, help and support to improve things. You have def done the right thing.

so it's all about how many kids she has jayden? what a load of crap! people can have ten children, and look after them adequately!

And before someone mentions depression -depression does NOT make you push out so many kids so that you can fuck up their lives

I am done with terrible parents.

It is difficult to know where to start with this level of stupidity and unthinking viciousness. Really it is.

Cazboldy you obviously can't read well. I said 'why have so many kids if you can't cope? I doubt the problems just hit after the 6th child.

Anyway I have no time for shitty parents and I have less time for shitty parents who push out kiddies like it's a full time job.

I doubt the problems just hit after the 6th child. You may doubt but the fact is that you don't know what may have befallen this family, Jayden.

Go walk a mile in that woman's shoes before you pass judgement; or take a lie down in a darkened room before your bile poisons more than this thread.

Izzy! Noooooo! No buns for mythical creatures! :)

Well Jayden I hope for your.sake you never experience severe depression and how debilitating it is and how it utterly robs you of your ability to function or to provide care for your children.

People get married, start families BEFORE they get depression. Bad stuff happens to families, they lose jobs, people die, get sick, get divorced and a million and one things you couldn't have predicted.

If depression does happen to you and there is a good chance it will (it will happen to one in four of us at some point in our lifetime) I only hope that someone displays more compassion to you, then you have displayed for others and that they aren't queuing up to label you a 'shitty parent' for getting ill.

My bad, Kleptronic. I won't do it again...