To think that I should call Social Services

[Hamsteritis]

Long story...

I have an on/off friend (i'll explain that later) with six DC, five at home. She recently decided to start speaking to me again and i'm worried about her and her family.

She was blatently not coping so i went round to offer help, to take the children off her hands for the day etc etc. Genuinely trying to be helpful.

Oh my god!! Her home is filty, think the kind of place that Kim and Aggie wouldn't touch, there's literally NO visible floor, it's all covered in compacted 'stuff', the kitchen's filty, mouldy bowls of unidentifyable food everywhere, all surfaces covered in mountains of stuff, small 'walkway' through to the other side of the kitchen to a pile of crisps and chocolate bars on the floor that seem to be the only fresh food in the house. Front room, hallways and bathroom the same state.

The poor DC were thick with grime, two of the late teen sons who seem to have some kind of learning difficulties are very very thin and all their teeth are rotten. Her DH was passed out in a chair stinking of alcohol (He's always been a drinker, last time we spoke she was divorcing him).

Anyway you get the picture. She comes home, i'm a little stunned, blurt out 'what the hell' (i know - not helpful). She goes apeshit, apparently - it's not her fault, the council should have rehomed her (she's not on council), i have no right coming to her house etc etc finished off with WHY SHOULD I. Everyone's fault but hers. I scurried away rather intimidated.

I've spoken to my DH and some of the mum's at the school that her youngest DD attends she's been offered help, soo much, from so many different people. Her older DD who moved away years ago has been seen a few times chucking out multiple sacks of 'stuff' the whole while being screamed at and apparently doesn't come anymore.

I just don't know what to do for the best. It's not a safe environment for children and vulnerable adults to live in but i know that if social services do a home visit her children will be taken away. Not sure what'll happen to her older sons as they certainly don't seem capable of being self sufficient.

Can you help people who simply won't accept it or sould I just accept things have gone too far and report the family? I don't want to make things worse (although i'm not sure that's possible).

I'm so glad you reported it. I also had to make that choice a few years ago and felt sick about doing it (different circumstances tho - one parent taking serious drugs in front of the children/the other totally unaware or in denial about it all) but I called social services anonymously and they were fantastic. Sent a letter and arranged to meet both parents, arranged counselling for both parties, monitored the situation for a while (the children remained in the family home during all this) and now the parent is off drugs and back at work. The best bit about getting social services help was that the parents were able to access counselling much quicker than they would have otherwise. My justification for it was that if anything had happened to the children when I KNEW the situation they were in, I'd feel worse about that than I would about contacting the professionals and they decided I was overreacting.

You did the right thing, OP. It might feel uncomfortable but those children will have better lives because you picked up that phone. Well done.

jayden I have 5 dc,have coped through some unbelievable life events-dv,cancer,surgery and illness in 2 dc. At the moment i am depressed and am struggling to get 4 hrs sleep a night,i work and so does dh. We are shattered.

Dont judge, there's a love

I understand why you would be reluctant to call SS - I think I would be too.
But their job is to assess situations, offer support, and put the children's needs first. When you think of it like that it seems like a good idea to have them involved doesn't it ? Agree with other posters that SS wouldn't be so quick to take the children into care as you might think or fear. They will try lots of other supportive things before that.
It's good we live in a society where there is support for children beyond what the family can offer on their own.

Hope you're OK ledkr - hope you got some sleep last night ?

Thanks juggling. Baby woke at 4am skating on thin ice here but think someone is taking her today so i can sleep.

I really do not like the name Jayden. Now that is child cruelty.

SoleSource- 15 years PAH!
Do you object to that sentence? Just checked and Ishaq's mother was lifed off. She must serve a minimum of 15 years before applying for parole. This is usually a murder sentence, but she was given it for manslaughter.
Her partner is in the same boat but his minimum term is 7 years 6 months.

I hope she never gets out of prison nor him. I really didn't follow the case as I find that sort of crime too upsetting to read about. Thank you for your information.

Yes solesource, why don't we barter down child abuse to a difference of opinion in names

There was a poster on here who tragically lost her baby grandson who was called Jayden, let's hope she doesn't see your hilarious post hey

Well done op for reporting, it's never an easy decision to make but you've done the right thing

FFS

Sole attack the post, as a few of us are doing, not the name.

The damaging and unfair shit she was peddling about depression and large families IS something to be annoyed about, but it has fuck all to do with her being called "Jayden", and as this is an online community where a lot of people do not wish to be identified IRL, why must it be the name that any adult gave her as a child?

I had my eldest 3 children THEN got depressed as I was in an abusive relationship. Spending an hour in the morning trying to cover bruises before the kids wake up really takes a shit on your motivation for the day. I struggled, asked for help and recovered. 6 years on I'm married to DH and have just had DC5. Managing quite nicely too, so forgive me Jayden if I'm unappreciative of your gloriously narrow minded and ignorant post.

People falter for all sorts of reasons, for all you know this woman could be struggling with DV or addiction or maybe she is just lazy but it's hardly your place to judge.

How was your weekend ledkr ?
Did you get a bit of a break on Saturday ?

Also I'm thinking people are rarely "just lazy" - I think there's usually something deeper going on when people are struggling - sometimes we might not be able to see what that is, they might not even fully understand what's going on themselves.
People have a lot of challenges to cope with in life, whether external/ due to circumstances or part of their make up/ mental health etc.
Judging others only makes the person doing the judging look bad - and immature IMHO