To think that I should call Social Services

[Hamsteritis]

Long story...

I have an on/off friend (i'll explain that later) with six DC, five at home. She recently decided to start speaking to me again and i'm worried about her and her family.

She was blatently not coping so i went round to offer help, to take the children off her hands for the day etc etc. Genuinely trying to be helpful.

Oh my god!! Her home is filty, think the kind of place that Kim and Aggie wouldn't touch, there's literally NO visible floor, it's all covered in compacted 'stuff', the kitchen's filty, mouldy bowls of unidentifyable food everywhere, all surfaces covered in mountains of stuff, small 'walkway' through to the other side of the kitchen to a pile of crisps and chocolate bars on the floor that seem to be the only fresh food in the house. Front room, hallways and bathroom the same state.

The poor DC were thick with grime, two of the late teen sons who seem to have some kind of learning difficulties are very very thin and all their teeth are rotten. Her DH was passed out in a chair stinking of alcohol (He's always been a drinker, last time we spoke she was divorcing him).

Anyway you get the picture. She comes home, i'm a little stunned, blurt out 'what the hell' (i know - not helpful). She goes apeshit, apparently - it's not her fault, the council should have rehomed her (she's not on council), i have no right coming to her house etc etc finished off with WHY SHOULD I. Everyone's fault but hers. I scurried away rather intimidated.

I've spoken to my DH and some of the mum's at the school that her youngest DD attends she's been offered help, soo much, from so many different people. Her older DD who moved away years ago has been seen a few times chucking out multiple sacks of 'stuff' the whole while being screamed at and apparently doesn't come anymore.

I just don't know what to do for the best. It's not a safe environment for children and vulnerable adults to live in but i know that if social services do a home visit her children will be taken away. Not sure what'll happen to her older sons as they certainly don't seem capable of being self sufficient.

Can you help people who simply won't accept it or sould I just accept things have gone too far and report the family? I don't want to make things worse (although i'm not sure that's possible).

For future reference, for all these threads... If you are in doubt and wonder if you should call SS, call them. If you are concerned, pass that concern on to people who are trained, responsible and have resources. SWs are paid to carry the stress and responsibility, you are not. It is your duty to report if you think abuse or neglect is happening.

As late on a Friday afternoon is not the optimum time to get a speedy response from SS, call the NSPCC tonight and appraise them of the situation. If you so wish, you don't need to give your name.

If your dc attend the same school as your friend's younger dc, I would suggest that you have a discreet word with the HT without mentioning that you have reported your concerns as it will do no harm whatsoever for the school to get on the case if they are not already aware of the situation.

Don't expect action to be taken any time soon but, hopefully, a sw will make a home visit to your friend during the course of the next week or so.

I think SS should be involved but I think talking about her with the other Mim's at school was insensitive.

Mum's

Call them. Definitely. Or the NSPCC. It's not right and you know it.

You feel that it is an unsafe environment for the. You say they look thin and unkempt. You have to get on the phone asap and report this, sorry. The children are being abused by neglect. To not do anything is to allow that neglect to continue.
SS will not necessarily remove the children. There are things that they may do first - they will do an assessment and see what needs to happen. There are services that they can refer to that can go into the home and help Mum get her parenting in order.
You must report this now that you have seen it - we all have a duty to safeguard children.

let us know how you go on.

No child should live like that. You must report it. The dirt is horrible but I am most disturbed about the children being so thin with rotten teeth....that shows a vile lack of care.

This is very sad.

I would also call. If only there was something less extreme than social services. But it sounds like a very bad environment and situation to raise children, the whole family sounds like it needs serious help.

but i know that if social services do a home visit her children will be taken away social services can't just go in all guns blazing and take children away from parents (and with good cause too). A child protection order would need to be made by the family court. In the circumstances you describe it is highly unlikely that social services would go down that route.

From experience, social services would be more likely to put in a package of support for your friend.

I'd never hesitate to call Social Sevices if I felt a child was in need, they are far more experienced and can decide if to intervene or not.

My house was a palace compared to what you describe, plus the children were clean and well fed.

My step-sis called NSPCC, who contacted SS. They came round and asked if there was somewhere else the children could stay (there was). Then they arranged to come back the following week, and see if the house was safe enough for thr children to come home. It was, but I had SS involvment for almost a year, followed by a family worker for 6 weeks. They helped with tip runs, cleaning routines, and put me in contact with other organisations that could help with my depression and self esteem issues.

If she has refused offers of help then I would contact someone.

My post on page 1 ''Thanks Izzy . I've never had anything to do with SWs before and I guess I just assumed they wouldn't leave children in a dangerous environment, the fire risk alone is awful. Not necessarily take them away for good, sorry if it came across like that.

I'm going to call the NSPCC number once the DC have gone to bed. Don't want them chattering about it at school!''

Sole I wasn't gossiping I simply asked some other mum's from her DD's class if they'd talked to her lately and they told me all about how they had worried and offered help but she'd got huffy and stopped talking to them. I never mentioned the house or the other children.

Does anyone know how they'll contact her? Will they just turn up? I'd like her to know but don't feel confident enough to be the one to tell her. [coward]

i know of someone whos dc had to go and stay with the gps untill ss saw the house was fit to live in, they were nt taken off her as such.

They will write to her then turn up on the day they said in the letter. She isn't obliged to let them in but refusing entry would raise concerns higher.

I saw a report a few years back about how cases tend to go through Social Services. I'll have a hunt around to see if I can find a link but, from memory, it was something like 70% of initial reports have a brief investigation and are then left as "no action required". 15% have further investigation and maybe social services advice but nothing more. 10% go on to a Child Protection Case Conference, of which about half result in the child(ren) going on the Child Protection Register.

About half of those on the Register (so a couple of percent of the initial reports) go into short-term care, usually with a family member or if there's no-one suitable then foster care, and only a tiny proportion of the initial reported concerns end up in long-term care or adoption. Again, where possible SS try to place children with family members because it's a lot cheaper it is better for the child.

They didn't write to me, they just turned up.

They don't always write. It depends on the situation. They may just turn up.

A visit out of the blue might be what this Mother needs. Ifeel she needs some personal help.

"They will write to her"

Not if the OP describes what she has on here. She will get a visit within 72 hours.

OP they will just turn up, usually first thing in a morning so they catch you looking your worst. refusing to let them in is a huge warning sign to ss and they will try their hardest to get in as it makes them think you are trying to hide something.

Don't worry that they will take the kids away, there is a whole long list of steps to take before that happens. She will have to show willing though and accept their help and show she can look after her dc's and her house. The state of things may mean she is further down the list and there could well be a chance the kids are taken into short term foster care if the situation is so dire but they won't be spirited off and given up for adoption.

You really will be doing them all a favour, remember the younger kids probably don't realise things are so bad so will not speak out, you have to be their voice.

I had occasion to ring my local NSPCC earlier this year. I explained I was extremely worried about two very young children being exposed to some very weird sexual practices. As it turned out I was right. However the NSPCC were very unhelpful and made me feel like a right busybody. They said they couldn't really do anything, but I was at all concerned in the future ring 999. It was only by not giving up and speaking to their head teacher because I didn't know who to turn to, they eventually got some help.

I called them I know it was the right thing to do but i've never felt so guilty in all my life.

I did it via the NSPCC who were really helpful and tried to reassure me I'd done the right thing. Apparently the NSPCC will inform SS tonight on my behalf.

I need a or 6

In my experience the NSPCC can be a waste of space, they spend huge amounts promoting their brand and in glossy 'awareness raising' campaigns, but do precious little else. The helpline is a joke and acts as a forwarding service for social services. The only purpose it serves is to salve the conscience of people who labour under the illusion that Social Services are the evil kiddy snatchers.

op cross posted, sorry to get on my high horse about NSPCC, but well done for reporting.

For future reference, a direct call to social services, quite often produces a swifter response.

Hamsteritis-Don't feel guilty, you've done the right thing.