Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to refuse to explain for the upteenth time that we homeschool and that is why we are sometimes out and about during the day?

115 replies

kitsonkittykat · 22/06/2012 12:37

I have already explained many times that we homeschool, and that is why we are able to pop out at lunchtime, and that we do not have "many days off", and they do "go to school". Am I unreasonable to refuse to explain myself over and over again to the same people?

OP posts:
GoodPhariseeofDerby · 23/06/2012 17:18

In terms of what I say when asked (I don't get really get asked much, except when they are 4-5 and people ask if they are going to school yet. My eldest doesn't tend to get asked about it any more or maybe people think if he's with my or DH he is suppose to be there), I tend to let the kids field it. They often have better answers than me, and my current 5yo is happy to speak for England and quite happy to talk about it...and anything. Most people are just trying to come up with conversation, school is probably the most common point with kids.

takingiteasy · 23/06/2012 17:22

Op you've had that detailed boast list ready for a long time just waiting haven't you? Seeing as no one asked for a blow by blow account of your day you thought you'd slip it in there anyway!

Shagmundfreud · 23/06/2012 17:23

Would add, that the 'social skill' that many children learn in school is how to be as much like their peers as possible. Which is great if their peers are thoughtful, hard working and open minded, but utterly shit if their peers are education resistant, ignorant little grunts.

Honestly, when I think of some of the schools I've worked at it makes me want to cry that anyone would think that the sort of 'socialisation' they're offering is doing anything other than traumatising children and turning them into desperate little conformists.

JamieandTheOlympicTorch · 23/06/2012 17:27

Well, I see that point shagmund. Or, arguably, and as difficult as it can be, it teaches them the social skill of tolerating a society where conformity is prized but we are all striving to be individual. That's an important skill. I agree that if it overwhelms them that place is not right for your child

Mosman · 23/06/2012 17:30

My friend home schools and frankly you cannot mo e in her house for other peoples kids, a hand picked bunch who mind there manners, play nice and know how to behave. What is not to like.

Mosman · 23/06/2012 17:32

You see that annoys me, why should children be taught to treated bad behaviour from others. If the opposite was taught that bad behaviour is utterly unacceptable I'm sure all the children would benefit but usual the naughty ones get rewarded or the attention

Mosman · 23/06/2012 17:32

Treated should be tolerate grrr

Viviennemary · 23/06/2012 17:36

I don't know anyone who home schools. But it is very popular in the USA I believe. I didn't think it would catch on here. But I wouldn't dream of asking anyone who was out and about why their children were not at school.

lifechanger · 23/06/2012 17:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Shagmundfreud · 23/06/2012 18:14

I think you'll find also that home schooled children do generally socialise with other children and adults. Just not mill about in large groups of peers exactly the same age as themselves. A bit more like the rest of society perhaps?

JamieandTheOlympicTorch · 23/06/2012 18:21

Shag

I'm sure they do, but children attending mainstream school do a bit more than millabout, and with children of different ages. And adults

Anyway, I fear we are setting a false dichotomy, so let's not argue anymore (loving your work on the faith school thread, Btw)

AdventuresWithVoles · 23/06/2012 18:36

If same people keep asking then either

  1. they are rather thick & deserve your patience
  2. are rude & I can understand being rude back by not engaging

Did you really need to ask, though?

birdsofshoreandsea · 23/06/2012 18:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kitsonkittykat · 23/06/2012 19:28

The Provincial Lady, we have plenty of time for play after school, it is my choice, and it is my belief that school needs to go back to basics. This is right for us, though may well not be for others. I have no desire to foist my beliefts and methods on other people, however much they wish to push theirs onto my family. In my opinion there is too much wishy washy play and not enough actual flipping learning going on in modern primary education, which is not the teachers fault at all. The Well Trained Mind, and classical schooling approach is working well for us. The children are not resistant or unhappy.

We do a lot of science experiments - yes we use IT. Both children are proficient on word, both can do an internet search, and we use Think Central and Brain Pop. Time for kids, and the new National Geographic educational site/kids site are on my "allowed list" too, and the children love using them. Science is actually mostly online "Science Fusion", but with science we we are so far ahead, I do allow dd some leeway in what she wants to do. This week we did experiements making a pin hole camera, and also working with prisms, and Ive more light-based experiments organised for next week. Last week we finished up with our experiments with plant-life. We also lap book upon occasion if I see them getting a bit tired. We have just come to the end of the second Minimus Mouse latin course, and so right now are not doing any other languages, though Ive requests for French, which I think we will do alongside Latin, if I can timetable it. Which again, is not a boast, but a reply to the poster, whose name Ive forgotten, and who asked me if we used IT, and also in reponse to the accusation the curriculum is too dull/demanding/not enough play...whatever...

I was SICK to fucking death of reading "oh this person I knew homeschooled and she just lay in bed and her child looked at porn", or else other such bollocks as most people dont put effort into homeschooling and their kids are behind. I was not boasting, just defending myself. I work bloody damn hard, day in day out to educate my children, and they work hard learning.

My dd has recurrent health issues, and there were problems at school, which I wont go into because simply why SHOULD I? I had a depressed, sad, lonely little girl and made the choice, which was right for us, to homeschool. She is no longer sad, depressed or struggling. Ds should be starting school this September. Having homeschooled for a while, I truely believe it is the right thing for the whole family, and have no desire or need to change. I know school is absolutely right for some children, with dedicated staff, and thriving kids. It was not right for mine, so I did something about it!

I was not boasting - though thanks if you think I was, as that suggests Im doing something right - I was just defending myself.

My children read well, write well, have good handwriting skills, are proficient in maths, have a varied curriculum, and can use a computer. They do have some freedom to follow their interests within school hours, and a lot of time after school for socialising. At least now noone is making my daughter cry day in day out, and she has real friends who actually like her and want her around, and nobody passes comment about her facial cyst/granuloma issues. We are not isolated at all. We all work very hard indeed and are more than on track. Which is why I resent the questioning, and the snide comments.

I was honestly upset at having to defend myself, and explain myself, and then have to do so again on here. Im not attacking anyone else's educational choices, but mine seem to get a good old inquisition day in day out!

My own silly fault for throwing myself in AIBU! There was I thinking this whole mumsnet thing was not so hard to get the hang of, and was quite fun/easy actually! Silly me! Back to sticking to reading methinks, as to be honest Ive no idea at all i dont think of how to fit in within Mumsnet! Dont worry I wont let the door hit me on the way out!

OP posts:
exoticfruits · 23/06/2012 19:36

If it is the same people asking I don't know why you need bother. Smile nicely and say 'the same reason as last week'.

LadyBeagleEyes · 23/06/2012 19:53

I don't understand why you say it's the same people asking, why, if you've explained it to them?
I've nothing against home ed, though I couldn't have done it, much as I love ds, to be with him 24/7 would have done my head in.

Isn't there a home education topic on here that you could go on, where you can speak to like minded people? Because you honestly sound like either you're being defensive or boasting.

Beatlebum · 23/06/2012 20:05

I homeschooled ds until year 4 (then circumstances dictated I had to send him).

I got some shitty remarks over the years but soon grew a thick skin.

I miss it. It was bloody hard work, and now he's at school I feel much less of a responsibility for his entire education, but I wish I still HE'd.

akaemmafrost · 23/06/2012 20:44

I don't think you were boasting at ALL op. I too was getting a bit Hmm at the "I knew someone who home schooled but didn't actually do anything with her child at all" stories. Quite a few of them with not many positive tales to balance them out. Makes you defensive doesn't it?

I too HE but nowhere near as structured as your day. Probably to outsiders I look like I don't do jack all with ds. He has ASD and multiple SN, though unnoticeable to the average eye and a lot of my day revolves around normal tasks, helping him get dressed in the right order, practical skills that the average 9 YO can do easily but ds can't.

We read together every day, he is a free reader and above the level of every other kid of his age I know. We do a bit of maths bite size stuff to get his confidence up as he hates and fears maths. Each week we go to a museum or gallery geared towards his interests. We swim 4/5 times a week, play table tennis once a week (good for his coordination and fine motor skills). We pick his sister, who IS in school because SHE thrives there, up and then usually go to the park where he mingles and socialises with others of his age. He scoots and I run up to 6 km 3 times a week because he needs the wearing out and sensory input this brings him.

Today we went to The Edgware Road in London, a predominantly Arabic area and ate in an Arabic cafe and talked about the UAE, how it was formed, what countries it is composed of, we made stabs at translating the Arabic writing in all the shops. On Monday we will learn some basic words and phrases in Arabic from the basic Arabic book I bought there today.

To an outsider it probably looks like we're doing nothing, having a right good old time when he should be in school.

My ds was regressing in school, he was aggressive and melting down every day. His time in school ended with him being held by the back of his head face down on a desk by a teacher who was totally unable to deal with or understand his needs. Each time he tried to get up she shoved his face back down on the desk, he was 8 YO and is small for his age.

In answer to your original query, if they ask nicely I explain briefly that we are HEing and why. If they seem rude or judgemental and this is normally people who know us vaguely btw then I tell them to mind their beeswax Smile HTH.

Tiddlyompompom · 23/06/2012 21:20

For what it's worth, if I hear someone home schools, my automatic assumption is that they're making a huge effort and working really hard on their DCs education! If they care so much about their children's education to have bucked the system, they're hardly likely to slob about, it would rather defeat the purpose.
Surely if they wanted to lie in bed all day they'd just send their kids to school and enjoy the peace and quiet!
Good work OP, I'm glad it's going well.

DoubleLifeIsALifeHalved · 23/06/2012 22:32

OP (& Akaemma too), you sound amazingly committed to your children, & I applaud you!

Am genuinely surprised by the home schooling = lazy mums/ photocopying porn children. My associations are totally the other way! Intense commitment, learning from parents in order to teach, sacrifice & dedication...Also associate it w parents who've been driven to it by the failings of our education system, so imagine alot of angst & worry preceding the decision.

I was laughing at the 'I know a home schooled child who xxx', as I couldn't take it seriously! You've obviously heard that stuff before so didn't laugh, and I am sorry for that.

The only neg associations I can think of are around too controlling parents hot housing their children, but that's the opposite of what's being said on here.

I'd love to be in a position to home school at least for the first couple of years as I think we ask children to be grown up too soon, & I'd love to be able to take the time to help my little one learn through living rather than being taught at a desk. I don't mean just send him out to play all the time, I was thinking of activities that uses the theory of multiple intelligences to create learning in every experience, & also instill a love of learning.

Well done home schoolers!

HecateAdonaea · 23/06/2012 22:39

well, I think people who homeschool are amazing! I couldn't do it Blush I don't have the patience, or, I fear, the skills to give my children an education, so hats off to you!

Re people who keep on making comments, i think I'd go down the passive aggressive route myself Grin

"X, I keep telling you that my children are homeschooled, that means that we have flexibility and don't need to stick to the 9-3 in order to get the same amount of education in. I'm a bit worried that you keep forgetting this, do you think you need to see a doctor?"

akaemmafrost · 23/06/2012 22:59

I honestly believe that in this day and age, with any information only the click of a mouse or a walk to the library away anyone can HE. But it's not for everyone, it's a totally individual choice for each child hence me having one at home and one at full time school.

Grin hecate I would also add to the seeing the doctor about forgetfulness thing "or maybe you could come round mine and join us for a few lessons till your comprehension levels pick up a bit?"

Greythorne · 23/06/2012 23:39

I would say: "Research suggests that Homeschooled kids consistently achieve the same academic levels as schooled schildren with just one hour's formal teaching a day throughout the primary years. Amazing, isn't it? Just think of all that time faffing that poor schooled children have to put up with. My kids do their hour a day and are streets ahead of their schooled peers."

akaemmafrost · 23/06/2012 23:46

When my dd started school I sat in a few times as she was struggling to settle. I was actually surprised at the amount of herding about, sitting around waiting, the amount of time it takes to get little things done etc that they did. Obviously with 30 kids it will be like this. I can well believe that one hour a day thing.

Pendeen · 24/06/2012 00:30

You have chosen to educate your DCs at home.

That is your decision and your responsibility.

You have chosen to take risks with their education and their futures.

That is your decision and your responsibility.

You do not have to explain to others. Do not worry yourself about that.

But you will have to explain to your DCs.