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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to refuse to explain for the upteenth time that we homeschool and that is why we are sometimes out and about during the day?

115 replies

kitsonkittykat · 22/06/2012 12:37

I have already explained many times that we homeschool, and that is why we are able to pop out at lunchtime, and that we do not have "many days off", and they do "go to school". Am I unreasonable to refuse to explain myself over and over again to the same people?

OP posts:
Callisto · 22/06/2012 12:39

You could type up an explanation and print out a load which you could then hand out to all of the unwelcome commenters. Bloody annoying I know, some people just don't get unusual situations at all.

Krumbum · 22/06/2012 12:40

Most people arnt used to it so they will ask questions. Also a lot of people have met parents who say they homeschool but really just tell the kids to read a book for half an hour a day. Someone doing it properly is rare so maybe that's why people doubt it.

TheProvincialLady · 22/06/2012 12:44

Have you ever tried being vegetarian/vegan/having any kind of alternative lifestyle/been a member of an unusual religious group or an ethnic minority? People tend to ask questions and not to know about it automatically. There is no point in expecting anything else. In your case, you have made an unusual choice in the way you educate your child so yes, people are going to get these comments. Did you expect anything different? I seem to have spent most of my life being a bit different and I don't mind questions and comments as long as they aren't deliberately offensive.

kitsonkittykat · 22/06/2012 12:45

Good idea Callisto. I think I might make multiple copies of our daily schedule and deregistration letters, and take along examples of their work and be done with it!

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2rebecca · 22/06/2012 12:46

? just avoid those people if they irritate you so much

Callisto · 22/06/2012 12:46

You could put it all on one of those 'the end is nigh' style A-boards and wear it whenever you go out. Grin

carabos · 22/06/2012 12:50

Picking up on krumbum's comment, a couple of our acquaintance "homeschooled" their three DCs. Except they didn't, they just didn't go to school, which isn't quite the same. The parents didn't see the difference tbh and just used the DCs as unpaid labour on their farm.

TheProvincialLady · 22/06/2012 12:57

Krum I wouldn't agree that someone doing home education 'properly' is rare. I know loads of people who do it and whilst it isn't something I would choose unless I had to, the vast majority are very committed to what they are doing and the children get their education. I do know of a couple who don't and that needs addressing within the system, but to write off most people is unfair and untrue.

LisasCat · 22/06/2012 13:04

You have just made me realise I was possibly unfairly judgy this morning, when I saw three children in the village shop at 10.30. No parent with them and only one of them could, at a push, have been GSCE age and therefore maybe have finished exams already and not have school today. I just assumed they were bunking, but to be honest the idea that they might be homeschooled nearby and be on a ten minute break for lunch supplies didn't even dawn on me. But if I knew their parents and was able to enquire, I think it wouldn't be unreasonable to expect the parent to just say "oh we homeschool", if it's as unusual around where you are as it would be here.

gramercy · 22/06/2012 13:13

Sometimes people are just being friendly, such as the checkout assistant who asked dd "Is it an inset day today?" Totally reasonable.

I must admit I am judgey when I see kids out and about in school time, but it depends on the location. Children with their mother/whoever in the library or museum: might be home schooled. Big kids rolling around on the floor and swearing in Primark (as I saw on Tuesday): probably not home schooled - or if they were they were following a very alternative curriculum!

Jenny70 · 22/06/2012 13:41

I used to home school and get lots of passing comments when out with my DD, but it didn't bother me to tell people we homeschool. It was simple curiosity or polite conversation from a stranger - similar to chatting about the weather.

It would annoy me if friends or neighbours asked again and again if the kids were having a day off, or made comments about us going out and not working hard etc. That is very judgemental.

valiumredhead · 22/06/2012 13:44

krum the vast majority of home schooled kids I have met ( huge community of home edders where I used to live) were streaks ahead of kids educated in schools.

RedBlanket · 22/06/2012 13:45

I don't know anyone who homeschools so if I saw a child out and about during the day I'd assume they were off sick or skiving. I wouldn't pass any comments to a complete stranger about it though.

AMumInScotland · 22/06/2012 14:01

People generally have no idea that "homeschooled" doesn't mean putting a desk in your living room and keeping your child sitting at it from 9 till 3 with breaks for lunch and a quick run-around outside. There's a Simpsons episode where Marge has to homeschool Bart for a while, and they set up a little "schoolroom" in the garage complete with desk and blackboard, and I think people automatically picture it as that kind of "school at home".

If it's different people, I think you have to take a deep breath and keep explaining, as people just don't know. But if it;s the same people over and over you may just need to develop a "broken record" response as some people just won't get it no matter how often you explain!

kitsonkittykat · 22/06/2012 18:31

I have no problem explaining for the first time to a stranger. Its the same people over and over again who have a snide comment every time I happen to bump into them which piss me off.

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CrumpettyTree · 22/06/2012 18:45

Big kids rolling around on the floor and swearing in Primark (as I saw on Tuesday): probably not home schooled - or if they were they were following a very alternative curriculum!

That made me laugh. :o Maybe they were doing some sort of creative movement and expression class.

thepeoplesprincess · 22/06/2012 18:49

I knew a woman who used to homeschool her thirteen year old son. He used to spend his days photocopying porn, whilst she laid in bed.

TotemPole · 22/06/2012 18:52

What did he do with the photocopies?Confused

TheProvincialLady · 22/06/2012 18:58

Best not ask, TotemGrin

Emandlu · 22/06/2012 18:59

I homeschool. It depends what kind of mood I'm in as to how much explanation people get.
If they come at me with a harsh "Shouldn't your children be in school?" I just answer "No" and walk off.
But if they are saying something like "Teacher training day today is it?", then I'll explain properly.

We are hoping to move soon, and one of the things I'm dreading is having to do all the explanations in local shops all over again. The people round here know us and so have stopped asking. (Though the kids got shouted at in the library recently for sitting quietly and reading in there during school hours) Confused

I don't have anyone who regularly asks me why they aren't in school - except the LA of course Wink

Socknickingpixie · 22/06/2012 19:02

why did they need the photocopier.

op- my mum homeschooled my sister and now my nephew she gets this all the time her response to a normal none snidey enquirey is 'we home educate this is a field trip/break/day off/ practicle exercise/sporting event' what ever happens to be the actual reason. to the rude snidey or repeated comments from people who should know better she says 'stop being snidey/rude or have you not lernt that by now' to the really rude repeat offenders she just gives them the look

Socknickingpixie · 22/06/2012 19:05

hahahahahahaha i have never never in my life heard of a kid bunking of school to go to a library to read a book and tbh if they did then they would probally be learning more than they would in the average mainstream school.

sorry emandlu that just cracked me up that someone would do that to your dc's i hope you shamed the shouter

Bunbaker · 22/06/2012 19:06

I knew a woman who used to "home educate" her three. The eldest eventually asked to be returned to school (she was removed from an outstanding school for no good reason) because she had no friends. When she got there she was woefully behind her peers.

The other two didn't start school until they were about 7 and it was discovered that they were dyslexic.

I realise that this is the exception rather than the rule though.

kitsonkittykat · 22/06/2012 19:09

We are up at 6.30am, and start school by 7.30am. I get up a little earlier than the kids to set up materials for school.

My 5.5 year old ds, then reads to me. Right now he is reading "Dinosaurs at Dawn" in the Magic Treehouse series. We have just finished a Horrid Henry book, but we really didn't enjoy it that much. He has been reading chapter books for the last 4 months, having progressed beyond leveled readers.

While I hear ds read, dd starts on her maths work. She generally starts with some facts drills, and then onto some practice questions. She is using Galore Park, "So you really want to learn maths", book two, and also an American textbook, meant for 6th graders.

I then set up ds with handwriting practice/puzzles/some comprehension work, make sure he know what he is doing, and then go to dd. We either consolidate a maths skill she has already been introduced to, or else work on a new skill. Today she was working on algebra, and also did some long multiplication/division revision.

I then give her her next task. Generally we work on vocabulary, spelling or grammar. Today she worked on "Steck Vaughn Linking Words to Meaning", book 6, which she has almost finished. Her spelling is probably better than mine.

I go back to ds, check how he is getting on. We get out our math supplies and I concentrate on him, whilst being available to dd. He is now adding and subtracting up to 20, and also knows his 2, 5 and 10 times tables. We are going to work on 3's and 4's next week.

Dd then either goes on to work on geography, history, or science, depending on the day, and sometimes depending on what she is interested in working on, if we have no urgently pressing needs. Today she worked on an essay on Marie Curie, did a worksheet about radiation, and spent some time learning the periodic table. That was her choice.

She has just finished reading "One Crazy Summer", so chose to read some 1960's poetry, by black women poets of the 1960s. She is working on her own protest poem.

Ds, can then have some time for arts and crafts, puzzles, modelling work, making his own salt dough etc.

Dd enjoys knitting and is knitting her first proper jumper, allegedly for the cat.

What I dont do is lay in bed and sleep all day while my kids run feral in Primark/download porn/ fester in their beds.

OP posts:
AlistairSim · 22/06/2012 19:15

Pixie, I used to bunk off and spend the whole day in the library!
I've always,been extremely well read but socially inept.