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Original poster

to be amazed at people going to church

615 replies

Hullygully · 20/06/2012 15:19

I really didn't think anyone still did the whole church on Sunday thing (this is not meant rudely, am just genuinely amazed).

Why do you go?

Don't you go out dancing and drinking on Sat and have a terrible hangover?

Or don't you want to have a lie-in with the papers?

Do you have roast dinner after?

Where do you live?

OP posts:
TheProvincialLady · 20/06/2012 20:08

I think that interesting and intelligent people are drawn to people somewhat unlike themselves as well as people who share the same views/beliefs etc. How would you have a good debate about anything if you only surround yourself with people exactly like you? How tedious. I am friends with people whose views on organised religion are the exact opposite of my own and I'm not afraid to discuss the matter with them over a few wines.

Sirzy · 20/06/2012 20:08

I don't think Lucie makes a fair point at all. Of course friends will have some sort of common ground, but that doesn't mean they have to have the same religious and political beliefs as you before they can even be considered as friends.

When I think of my closest friends it was our common interest that brought us together but beyond that we are all very different people.

hardboiledpossum · 20/06/2012 20:09

Why do you go? Because I believe in God, though I don't believe in a lot of what the church teaches. It gives me time to think and reflect on how I can be a better person.

Don't you go out dancing and drinking on Sat and have a terrible hangover? I'm still young (20's) so do go out dancing and drinking but can't every week as I have a young toddler. If I have a hangover I don't go to church.

Or don't you want to have a lie-in with the papers? My toddler doesn't alow me to have lie ins and I'm far too young to spend my mornings reading the papers in bed!

Do you have roast dinner after? Occasionally

Where do you live? South West London

PorkyandBess · 20/06/2012 20:10

I go because I am dragging my children up in the Catholic faith and they have yet to develop cynicism.

We go on a Saturday evening at 6, so still time to go out and no Sunday morning getting up.

I find that, without fail, if they go into mass squabbly and horrid, they come out serene and nice.

KingscoteStaff · 20/06/2012 20:11

Why do you go?
So that I can have some stillness in my life to pray, worship God and collect my life together before it all starts again. Oh, and to sing.

Don't you go out dancing and drinking on Sat and have a terrible hangover?
Nope, not really.

Or don't you want to have a lie-in with the papers?
No, I read the papers while I watch the boys play cricket in the afternoon.

Do you have roast dinner after?
Normally driving to the cricket match at lunchtime - roast in the evening, normally.

Where do you live?
Here.

Original poster
Hullygully · 20/06/2012 20:11

sirzy - this is why I sadi we needed to define "friends"

I think people have different understandings of that word

OP posts:
LucieMay · 20/06/2012 20:14

There is a difference between discrimination and simply not being friends with someone. A huge difference.

Sirzy · 20/06/2012 20:15

I think most people know what a friend is without needing to define one. To not be friends with someone based simply on their religion is very narrow minded and childish.

misslinnet · 20/06/2012 20:15

I don't agree that Lucie makes a fair point.

Yes, you may be drawn to people of a similar bent, but I don't agree that people who have different religious or political beliefs beliefs automatically have no degree of likemindedness.

You may very well find degreees of likemindedness that have nothing to do with religion or politics, such as liking the same films, same music, same sports, same educational values, same hobbies and so on.

Sirzy · 20/06/2012 20:16

Actually Lucie its a very fine line. If your feelings on religion are so strong that you let it effect friendship choices I would find it very hard to believe that you dont discriminate in other ways. If you were looking for a childminder would you rule them out based on their beliefs? If you were employing a builder would their beliefs mean you wouldn't want them working for you?

lucysnowe · 20/06/2012 20:18

Aw this is a nice thread, bringing all the churchgoers out of the woodwork

  1. I love going to church, it really sets me up for the day/week. I love Evensong to bits and go when I can
  1. On Sat I fall asleep at 8.30 pm after a couple of glasses of wine Shock
  1. Yes, DC have put paid to that tho
  1. No but it's rather a nice tradition I'd like to establish if I ever get organised
  1. I live in the heart of Midsomer Murders country :)
Original poster
Hullygully · 20/06/2012 20:19

Ok. Perhaps I can see Lucie's point because I find in my own experience that my very dear friend of 35 years and I have had to agree never to discuss religion or politics or child-rearing because every time we do it ends in a ferocious row. In practice it means we never bother to communicate at all. No ill will, but no drive to see each other either.

If you are able to maintain a friendship happily without discussing areas that are a bone of contention, all well and good. I'm not, for one. That's what I meant about defining friends really.

OP posts:
StepOutOfSpring · 20/06/2012 20:19

To worship God, in community with others
To learn more about our faith and get a different "take" on it, learning from others
A second family, supportive community
I enjoy the music and singing
Meeting others with similar beliefs - we can discuss and debate (not so much in the services but at "home groups")
Meeting people of all ages who live nearby
Working together with other church members to figure out how we can serve our local community
And yes, the papers and a roast dinner afterwards!

Original poster
Hullygully · 20/06/2012 20:20

But sirzy she isn't seeking to be "friends" with the childminder or builder...

OP posts:
Sirzy · 20/06/2012 20:23

A proper friendship you accept peoples differences, to have to avoid subjects means you have grown apart and therefore its not a close friendship anymore.

I know she isn't hully, but its not a massive leap to go from one level of discrimination to the next.

Original poster
Hullygully · 20/06/2012 20:24

well it's quite massive...

A proper friendship you accept peoples differences, to have to avoid subjects means you have grown apart and therefore its not a close friendship anymore

I don't understand that^?

OP posts:
LucieMay · 20/06/2012 20:25

I choose friends because they matter to me, I care about them, we have an emotional connection, I trust them, they're a part of my life. It doesn't matter to me what mycolleagues or the builder or the local barmaid or bus driver believe in, I've no emotional connection to them and they're not an important part of my life.

Sirzy · 20/06/2012 20:26

If you have a "don't talk about" list then I would never class that as someone who I was at that point good friends with. Friendships change over time of course but the only people I class as true friends are ones who accept me for who I am and who I can talk about things without falling out or having to stop when it gets to talking about certain issues.

Original poster
Hullygully · 20/06/2012 20:27

Do you manage to agree to differ and still feel deep love for each other sirzy?

OP posts:
Sirzy · 20/06/2012 20:28

Everyone chooses friends because they matter to them, thats a rather odd comment. To discount being friends with someone on one small part of who they are though is discriminating against that person.

If you built a friendship with someone and months later found out they had faith would you seriously stop being friends with them?

Sirzy · 20/06/2012 20:28

Yes of course THATS what friendship is about surely?

Minty82 · 20/06/2012 20:29
  1. I got brought up going every week, and have since married an organist, so there's no escape. I love the ritual of it, the music, the language, the sense of genuine community, and however much my actual faith might fluctuate it always feels like a meaningful experience. Plus it's always been part of the fabric of the weekend for me; it wouldn't feel like Sunday without it.
  1. No (new baby/married to an organist...) but if I did have a heavy Saturday night I just wouldn't go. As mentioned above, churches are full of people with hangovers though! And there's always Friday...
  1. Lie-ins with the papers (and a bottomless pot of tea) are one of my favourite things in the world, but that's what Saturdays are for!
  1. Roast Sunday lunch only really works if you've been to church, surely?! Otherwise I'd get up too late and lunchtime drinking wouldn't feel legitimate...it would have to be a fry up and a roast in the evening..
Original poster
Hullygully · 20/06/2012 20:31

To be utterly utterly candid and hope to not be rude, I really struggle to be really really close friends with someone with a faith because I do feel that they must be a bit nuts (for want of a better word) because it is so totally alien and incomprehensible to me.

That doesn't mean that they are wrong of course, it's just how I feel.

OP posts:
Original poster
Hullygully · 20/06/2012 20:32

And it fascinates me so much (being so alien) that I would keep asking them about it and then we'd fall out in the end...

OP posts:
PetitRat · 20/06/2012 20:35

Yes - because I believe in God
Yes - often go out although never dancing (past my bed time)
Yes - have a lie in with the on-line papers (very relative when you rise at 6 on a weekday).
Sometimes, not often. Do love a good Sunday lunch - just doesn't have to be a roast.
Far, far away in a land across the seas.

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