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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to be amazed at people going to church

615 replies

Hullygully · 20/06/2012 15:19

I really didn't think anyone still did the whole church on Sunday thing (this is not meant rudely, am just genuinely amazed).

Why do you go?

Don't you go out dancing and drinking on Sat and have a terrible hangover?

Or don't you want to have a lie-in with the papers?

Do you have roast dinner after?

Where do you live?

OP posts:
horseygeorgie · 21/06/2012 21:06

I don 't go as often as i should. I go to support my family, i like the peace and time for reflection and the social aspect. Dad goes because he is the vicar and Mum goes because she also takes part of the services as she is a reader.

Don't drink much anymore, DD does not understand about hangovers.

Never do lie ins anyway, Dad and i both have horses so we are up early to do them.

We have church in the morning, Parents finish services about half 12 as they give lifts to organists etc, then lunch, papers, dogs and horses. Glass of wine at night and it was perfect when Cranford/lark rise/Downton/call the midwife was on!

horseygeorgie · 21/06/2012 21:06

Oh, we are Lincs.

JugglingWithTangentialOranges · 21/06/2012 21:20

Sounds terribly posh georgie .... and rather nice Grin

Hullygully · 21/06/2012 22:47

I think I like Mop's idea.

I think th epeople who have shared their thoughts and reasons on this thread exemplify a kind of quintessential English churchgoing, where it is about love and community and tradition etc and I can see the attraction of that, but I would still like all that without the religious element, because there is no ignoring all the other wider aspects about religion: the bigotry and violence it has caused and continues to cause (and we know that ISN'T what Jesus and th e rest intended but hey, tell it to the established church), and the fact that Jesus didn't want a church, and certainly not one that had loads of money and pomp (I'm looking at you catholics) and made people's lives a misery.

Look at the ongoing edicts about abortion, contraception, homsexuality etc.

Organised religion has moved so far from Christ-ian principles that it is impossible to participate in it and not feel that it is tantamount to betraying Christ's teachings... for me, anyway.

I might give the Christian Atheist Quakers a go tho.

OP posts:
Joolyjoolyjoo · 21/06/2012 22:58

I go sometimes (not every week, as I know I should Blush) because the children are at an RC school, and they want to go as they meet all their friends at the children's service. And I feel I should take them, as it was me who wanted to bring them up with religion. I quite like the social aspect of it too, but have been really struggling with the actual faith aspect of it increasingly for the last few years Sad

The fact that I like to stay up late with wine and merrymaking on a Saturday night, coupled with the fact that the service is at 10am is the reason why I don't go as often as I should. I don't really get hangovers, happily, but I do like a long lie on my one day off.

Reading the papers is too time consuming and messy (all those bloody supplements) Would rather read a book and have breakfast in bed.

We always do a big dinner on a Sunday- my dad and I take turns, and my uncle comes too. 3 courses and wine.

Live in Scotland

NonnoMum · 21/06/2012 23:07

We went to a garden centre instead last Sunday.

We all decided we preferred going to Church. It was good to be away from consumerism for an hour a week.

And no matter how much tension/arguing/fractiousness in the household there is before we go, an hour of being quiet and calm means we all leave on better terms.

GrimmaTheNome · 21/06/2012 23:46

Mop - I'm another of your congregationSmile. As I said upthread, I don't miss God but I sometimes miss the church. And I do miss the hymn singing. While I like your suggestions, hymn tunes tend to be easy for ordinary people to sing. There's very few that you can't catch on to by the third verse and be going full gusto by the end! I've a slight problem at weddings, christenings and funerals if other people aren't singing properly - if you've been raised a nonconformist with some Welsh ancestry sotto voce is quite impossible Grin

StepOutOfSpring · 21/06/2012 23:48

You could always go to Tesco - many of their buildings look like churches these days!

GrimmaTheNome · 22/06/2012 00:00

You could always go to Tesco - many of their buildings look like churches these days!

I can't think of any with pews and stained glass windows. Or bell towers. Though I can live without those, we wouldn't want to annoy neighbours with small children.

StepOutOfSpring · 22/06/2012 00:27

Well there's this one Grimma... here

Or this, a typical Tesco with very churchy-looking spires. There are many Tescos of this style. Something to do with reassuring people that it's OK to shop on Sundays, maybe...?

dairyfreebabyandme · 22/06/2012 08:31

Hackmum

Of course it happens, but maybe noone who does that will own up here :)
Maybe I'm naive, but I didn't realise that people could be so obvious about going to church to get into the school of their choice. However, my eyes have been opened, as it has happened, very noticeably, just up the road from us.

I was completely astonished when I realised that since school places have been allocated, the large Anglican church up the road from us (Herts) no longer have cars parking all over the verge and surrounding roads!

jaybez · 22/06/2012 08:35

Our family goes to church each week as we are Christians and the Bible tells us (book of Hebrews) to meet with other Christians regularly to encourage one another to keep going as being a Christian isn't easy. It is the chief way to hear the Bible explained and have fellowship with others. Sometimes it is hard work to keep going along, but we do so because remaining a Christian and knowing that one day we will have Eternity with God is the MOST important thing to us. Going to church does NOT make us Christian, but having been forgiven and rescued by God through Jesus, makes us want to obey God's word in the Bible.

Most of our friends don't go to church, I hope that they know we are Christians regardless of whether they know we go to church or not. Our church has 3 services each Sunday, nearly all students/20s/30s/young families. We are in the SE England. Roasts? Sometimes, lie-ins? Yes as church is in the pm.

Mopswerver · 22/06/2012 08:54

Well my congregation is growing!

For all the religious people on here, I am not being flippant. I was merely bemoaning the fact that there is no church equivalent for non believers like myself. Many feel the same it seems!

Seriously I might look into getting something going! Can you all make a month's time in our front room? OK, sorted. Grimma, you do the reading,Exit will lead the singing! See you all here!

littleelephant · 22/06/2012 08:59

Our church has a crèche which is probably the main attraction.. We drop off DDs to draw pictures of various parables then go sit on comfy seats for an hour and let it all drift over us. It's nice and warm. Love church :-)

thanksamillion · 22/06/2012 09:34

The thing is Mopswerver that you can run your non believers church but will it fulfill what everyone is looking for? Because I think that most Christians would say that what makes church 'special' in that slightly intangible, undefineable way, is God's presence there with His people.

I'll be interested to see how you get on Grin

Hullygully · 22/06/2012 09:56

I dunno thanks, I think we all seek fellowship (what is the non-genedered equivalent??) and community and love. Church is something else.

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Mopswerver · 22/06/2012 10:37

I know what you're saying thanksamillion but I think what you are talking about is sprituality and I do think that's possible without having to believe in God, The Bible etc. You only have to look at the popularity of things like Yoga to see people are searching for some form of spiritual connection. This is missing from many people's lives but they simply do not believe. I genuinely enjoy going to church apart from all the religious stuff. If we could only take God out of it, I'd be there! (No offence intended!)

Hullygully · 22/06/2012 10:41

Mop - if only one of us could be bothered to start a movement...

OP posts:
Mopswerver · 22/06/2012 10:44

Ha Ha. Yes, maybe that's the "intangible"!

ZZZenAgain · 22/06/2012 10:56
  1. I enjoy it - and it is always packed. Like to sing, like to chat, like the whole thing (well maybe not 1 or 2 of the people tbh) We go to two churches, like both but I don't like to be roped in tightly anywhere, if that happens, I fade out.
  2. dance definitely, love to dance but I don't drink alcohol at all, just went off it so no hangovers. Our church is a late start anyway (11) so that helps; other is in the afternoon and we go there now and again, not every week
  3. lie-ins ... well dd is up at the crack of dawn practising violin every day for at least 2 hours, if you get the picture. Every day so proper quiet lie-ins are a thing of the past
  4. no roast. Nice weather - go off for a walk in the woods or the countryside and eat wherever we find a nice place, in bad weather - go sightseeing (castle, museum etc) or just go home and eat whatever can be rustled up. I don't ever stress about food though. No interest in cooking
ZZZenAgain · 22/06/2012 10:58
  1. live abroad
TheProvincialLady · 22/06/2012 11:02

Mops your church will fail. People will go a few times, but unless there is a big element of GUILT they will start to do other things instead. You need to think of a way to introduce more guilt. Maybe sacrifice a kitten if there aren't enough people there?

TheProvincialLady · 22/06/2012 11:03

That was a christian joke, by the way (anglican version. You'll need yet more guilt for the catholic version).

foreversanguine · 22/06/2012 11:28

I go to a catholic mass, go because I find it beautiful and uplifting,it strenghtens my faith - the prayers, the communion and the singing do that, but also seeing all those other people who wanted to be there as well . You see so much hostility to the catholic church during the week and then you go and see the church packed full, young, old, men, women, all races and different nationalities, doctors and cleaners, worshipping together - it helps.
Also, I'm 40 now, I find I am getting more and more nostalgic, sentimental about my childhood/ adolescence and being in a traditional church building, stained windows and all, and listening to the same mass prayers, brings memories and feels like home, love the feeling.
It is all very therapheutic going to mass, always leave uplifted and happy.

I don't go dancing, I do sometimes drink with my husband but not so much as to suffer a hangover. We get very jolly but never lose the plot.

I do tend to go very late to bed, so many things I want to do/watch, so lie in is great, but the mass only starts 11.30, so I do get it, coffee in bed, a book or the IPad, followed by cereal in bed, followed by green tea, and then I get up.

We have lunch after church, dinner (our main course of the day), not necessary a roast at all, late in the evening, I always cook it too late , bad organizer.

South Bucks, very affluent leafy town, I am sadly not affluent.

springydaffs · 22/06/2012 11:29

well, I seem to be the only one, over 17 pages, who is totally into the God thing, or Jesus thing, (or HS thing LOL) but finds church just erm.. horrible.

yy I know I'm supposed to be meeting together etc - I certainly do try but find the whole church culture very alien and class-bound if I'm absolutely honest. ie middle class. patronising. sort of bristling with religion . all those shoulds and oughts, straining at gnats and missing elephants by a cubic mile. uh-oh, soudning judgemental (probably am...)

So yes I go to church but not very often at the mo because I can't hack the strange social culture that I increasingly do not identify with and which makes my skin crawl if I'm honest. God is stunningly gorgeously awesome imo but christians/church... just don't get it tbh, don't get what's going on.

No I don't have roast afterwards. I am hungover sometimes but go to the later services if so. Depending on when I get myself together on sunday morning, I'll go to the 8am, 9.30am or 11am service; or the 5pm or 7pm service. I do tend to religiously (arf) guard desert island discs/just a minute/reading the papers though