To not want to attend church with family that I am staying with?

[AmIbeingapain]

We are visiting some family members in a couple of weekends. They have talked about us all joining them in church on the Sunday morning. I don't want to go, I understand they want to go, and I'm happy for my children and partner to attend if they want to but I don't want to. But... I am a guest staying in their house over the weekend, so don't want to be mega rude either.

Is there a debretts guide for this sort of thing, or should I stick to my guns? It is going to be a mega stressful weekend anyway as we really don't see each other very often and have very little in common, and I know I will end up having to counsel DP for days afterwards as the relationship between him and the family is vexed.

yes, have you nicked the spoons before?

Why are you going to visit them?

Any of our guests know that this is what we do at the weekend. They also know they're welcome to come with us or stay in bed/do whatever until we get back. I'd hate a guest to feel uncomfortable.

YANBU. Unless you're planning on throwing a toddler strop about it instead of a simple 'no thanks, it's not for me'.

Like itsatiggerday and Cwtchesandcuddles I also go to church every Sunday, like them, i'd always invite houseguests, and like them i wouldn't be offended if they didn't want to come with us.

Inviting guests is more about feeling a bit guilty we are leaving them to do their own thing for a couple of hours when they are only with us for two days, rather than trying to make them attend church.

I don't know your family dynamics, obviously, but they might just be including you out of politeness.

SleepyEyed I'm Catholic and have been to Synagogues, Church of England Churches and Greek Orthodox Churches

You can attend or not, and I don't think either would give offence.

If you go (perhaps look at it as an interesting anthropological experience), then just sit politely through it.

If you really cannot bring yourself to be there even as an observer, then say something along the lines of "I am honoured that you want to include me with your family, but I am not of your faith and am unable to attend" (add a bit to say if DH etc would be happy to go, or make it clear you are declining for all if you).

Now, in return, they won't want to feel they have to miss to look after you, so can you find something you can do alone - a local visit or walk and meet them afterwards; or, if they don't mind you being in their house without them, then lunch preparation?

Don't go. I wouldn't.

But I'm a bit bemused by all the people who think that only Christians should rightfully be in church! It's not a members club, would be delighted if anyone came along because they were a bit curious or just to see what was said or whatever.

I wouldn't want to make a houseguest uncomfortable but I hope they wouldn't feel that unwelcome because they didn't believe.

I wopuld literally FAINT if anyone asked me to go to church, it is so far beyond my imaginings.

Apart from, weirdly, all my neighbours, I don't know a single solitary soul who goes to any kind of church.

hully will you come to church with me on Sunday? We have a friendly celeb at the 8am mass

Just offer to stay behind and get the lunch on the go.

Although if the whole thing is going to be dreadful, is it worth adding to the stress and friction? You can go to church and just sit there, like I do at cubs church parade.

I don't think only christians should be in the church but I do think it is unreasonable to expect a non-christian to go with no choice

i've sat through church services, catholic mass, and been to a service at a synagogue. i really don't feel the need to go again unless it is a birth, death or marriage.

However, the OP doesn't say why she feels uncomfortable saying no so it is difficult to comment on whether she is projecting or if the hosts are pushing

are they expecting you to go, or have they invited you to go?
If they expect it, thats no less rude than you saying you wont go. I wouldnt go to a church service just to keep my host happy. In the same way I wouldnt attent a Tory rally to keep my host happy.

STAY BEHIND AND GET THE LUNCH?

What is wrong with all of you?

What appalling options for a guest on a weekend away - sit through church pretending it's meaningful or get the bloody lunch.

You know how to live, don't you?!

if it was a relaxed family (like I am when people come to stay) I would offer and also stress what other options were available and say 'please don't feel you have to come'.

If they're uptight or run things differently (and it sounds like this is a 'trial' anyway) then I would go to 'be polite' - I would happily attend any event, - museum/stately home/RHS garden/local market/church service to lubricate being a good guest. Again, we're British and polite attendance at events that families who you are staying with go to is what WE DO.

I really can't see why it would be rude not to go. Isn't it just as rude (or even more rude) to expect your guests to go to church? They are your guests after all.

Actually, if one was cunning one could use that.

Next time I have guests I'm going to go out with all the papers for breakfast and pretend it's church, and tell them I expect the spuds peeled on my return.

Religion is not something to be forced on someone. Just politely decline. They wouldn't expect someone of a different religion to attend church with them so why expect someone who has no interest in going (or possibly an atheist or agnostic). I think it's quite rude of them actually to assume you would - unless they are just being polite and not wanting to abandon you while they go to church, and then it definately won't be a problem to say no.

But Hully, wouldn't your guest actually faint if you told them you're going to church?

Look. If you work all week, why does Sunday have to be a day of one kind of penance or another? WHY?

Why not stay in bed all morning and then go to a pub for lunch and get pissed?

I think it would be more rude for the hosts to expect their guests to go when they don't want to. If they were going golfing or any other interest they had, would the guests be dragged to that too?

Kniddy - I'm going ot get new unsuspecting spud-peeling guests.

Count me out then. I don't do spud-peeling.

And what if your 'new un-suspecting spud-peeling' guests want to accompany you to church, Hully? Then you're really stuffed.