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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be very upset that the teacher forgot ds's birthday today?

109 replies

Ouluckyduck · 19/06/2012 22:25

he is six today and has special needs. He had been so excited - " I will give out the sweets today Mummy, they will sing for me Mummy"

I gave her the bag of sweets in the morning and he wore a badge saying "I'm six". When I picked him up at the end of the day he was rying his eyes out, so upset because his birthday hadnt been acknowledged at all. His teacher said "sorry we'll do it tomorrow" but in a very lofty way. I then said "it means so much to him you know" and she said well he might be "creating" now Hmm but he'll be fine and she just forgot, he should have reminded her. Which makes me think she doesnt know or understand him at all, he wouldn't know how to remind her, he hasn't got the verbal or social skills! We had a nice afternoon then and he is fine, but I still feel really cross about it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ouluckyduck · 19/06/2012 23:06

He won't be in school tomorrow, he has a hospital appointment. Will be interesting to see what she does Thursday, if anything.

OP posts:
Matesnotdates · 19/06/2012 23:08

luckyduck my eyes are prickling a bit too.

I think it's his big badge that did it Sad

ariadne1 · 19/06/2012 23:11

'he is fine, but I still feel really cross about it.'

FFS the teacher is HUMAN.these things happen! You have to teach your DC to deal with these minor trials.Although it sounds more as though he should be teaching you !!

Snowboarder · 19/06/2012 23:13

Poor wee mite.

Made me tear up too. I'm 34 weeks pg and my emotions are broken.

I do hope the teacher feels a bit rotten about it and makes it up to him. It's a poor show to disappoint a 6 year old on their birthday. Sad

Snowboarder · 19/06/2012 23:15

ariadne fair point, but have a heart. The OP's boy was upset and crying on his birthday. You can't blame her for feeling cross.

Granted it might seem a 'minor trial' but IMO 6 years is a perfectly acceptable age to be upset about this kind of thing. Fair enough if he was 16.

EverybodysSleepyEyed · 19/06/2012 23:16

Yes the teacher is human - and any human knows that a kids birthday is a big deal to them

My ds teacher makes a huge fuss of them on their birthday and gives them a card and a bookmark. She doesn't have to and it isn't in her job description but she chooses to because she cares. It sounds like the teacher in the op doesn't much

OpheliaBumps · 19/06/2012 23:17

Oh the poor boy, that's made me a bit tearful Sad

Happy birthday to luckyduck's DS, shame there's no [birthday cake] emoticon!

TuftyFinch · 19/06/2012 23:19

Nice bit of empathy there ariadne.

AbigailS · 19/06/2012 23:19

I'm so sorry your DS was upset. But as others have said teachers are human and your son is Year 1, so maybe they've been bogged down with the Year 1 phonics check?

millieandmax · 19/06/2012 23:24

I gave her the bag of sweets in the morning and he wore a badge saying "I'm six"

Do parents often give her bag's of sweets to share with the class for no reason?

What was she thinking when she handed out the sweets???

How could she forget why she was doing it?

Mspontipine · 19/06/2012 23:25

They always get so excited when they think a birthday fuss is going to be made of them don't they Smile Ds had said for ages leading up to his birthday "you get to wear a badge" and was really looking forward to it. I especially walked into town to buy him said badge.

Poor ds was really ill last birthday and was had to stay home. He was so hot (in Decenber) he had no pjs on to pin his birthday badge to. Party had to be postponed :(

He went to school the next day wearing his badge (trying to make it up to him) blasted supply teacher took it off him :( and then she lost it.

I wish all birthdays happened at the weekend.

TaytoCrisp · 19/06/2012 23:28

I think you are right to be livid. If she knew him and understood him she would know that this would be very important to him, and would not let it slip. Perhaps a chat with her about your sons needs and how he could be supported (even in ver small ways given demands on teachers) might be helpful.

Sounds like he had a very nice birthday afternoon anyway.

Original poster
Ouluckyduck · 19/06/2012 23:29

The sweets weren't given out at all, they are still in a corner of the classroom somewhere now.

He is actually in reception, he is repeating the year because of his special needs.

OP posts:
ReportMeNow · 19/06/2012 23:33

Go in tomorrow and help ds 'find' his sweeties and say to the teacher/TA he was so disappointed yesterday that his birthday was forgotten, would it be okay if he gave them out today? (and make them feel really guilty)

AbigailS · 19/06/2012 23:35

If he is repeating reception he must have an IEP, if not a statement, as getting LAs to let that happen is very rare, so I think you need to chat to the SENCo about your child's upset and need for predictability, so they can talk to next year's teacher to prevent it happening again. Is it the same teacher he had last year in recepetion?

difficultpickle · 19/06/2012 23:36

That's dreadful. I would be very cross if I were you. Ds is 8 tomorrow. He is taking cakes to school and will be wearing a flashing 'Birthday Boy' badge that his teacher will absolutely hate. She can't even be bothered to read the email I sent to explain why he was off sick yesterday (she sent a note home in his homework diary, even though I know that the school secretary printed the email off and gave it to her this morning) so she certainly wouldn't acknowledge ds's birthday unless he makes a big fuss about it.

Some teachers care about their pupils and some frankly cba. It sounds as if, sadly, your ds's teacher is one of the latter. The good thing is that it is nearly the end of term and hopefully he will have a more caring teacher for next year.

Original poster
Ouluckyduck · 19/06/2012 23:44

Yes it is the same teacher as last year and h has a statement (just cam through).

OP posts:
AbigailS · 19/06/2012 23:47

Definately book that SENCo appointment then.

millieandmax · 19/06/2012 23:55

The sweets weren't given out at all, they are still in a corner of the classroom somewhere now.

I could understand this if it was up to your son to give her the sweets and he forgot fair enough, but as you actually gave them to her thats a fail on her behalf.

As bisjo said - Some teachers care about their pupils and some frankly cba. It sounds as if, sadly, your ds's teacher is one of the latter. The good thing is that it is nearly the end of term and hopefully he will have a more caring teacher for next year.
Having a granddaughter who has s/n I can understand how you feel.

Fecklessdizzy · 20/06/2012 00:01

Useless eejit-woman. Birthdays are a big deal when you're little.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY OULUCKYDUCK'S DS

Best wishes from all at Schloss Feckless Smile

Original poster
Ouluckyduck · 20/06/2012 09:26

Thanks for all the support and good wishes.

OP posts:
gothicangel · 20/06/2012 10:13

aww i feel so sad for your little one,

i would be having words with her on thursday! horrid woman

hope he had a nice day xx

Original poster
Ouluckyduck · 20/06/2012 16:38

I had a chat with the senco, which was helpful.

OP posts:
PandaWatch · 20/06/2012 16:46

Aww poor little one :(

HAPPY BIRTHDAY son of LuckyDuck! :)

Pinkflipflop · 20/06/2012 16:57

The teacher made a mistake in not remembering the child's birthday but all the bitching about her is uncalled for.

I hate birthdays in my classroom, yes really there is so much drama around them. A birthday party that selected children are excluded from and all the drama that creates. Or parents that send in cakes in bixes,not cut up, where I have to stand and cut it up and then clean up after them. Teach yr2, no TA, no knives in room, no plates, doing this 25 times a year can be wearisome!!

Sorry sound like an old grouch and I hope your ds is ok now?

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