Why so reluctant to celebrate Father's Day?

[TheAlphaParent]

All the toddler groups I go to (I'm a bit of a group junkie) celebrated Mother's Day. Cards were made, flowers picked, hands printed, etc. Very nice.

None of them celebrated Father's Day. Not a single one. When I asked my local library (where one of the groups is held) why they celebrated Mother's Day and not Father's Day they said it was so they didn't "offend any single mothers". So it's okay to offend fathers? Okay to dismiss their contribution to parenting?

I have sympathy for single mothers (most of them are victims of circumstance) but isn't this PC approach of hiding Father's Day a little unnecessary? Children of single mothers are going to learn about fathers from a variety of sources - friends, media, books. So why hide Father's Day like a dirty secret? It sends the message that child-rearing is predominantly a woman's job, that a man's role is insignificant. Is that the message we want to send to kids? AIBU?

How is fathers day any more "made up" than mothers day?

If schools or groups recognise one, they should recognise the other.

Mother's day is on the church calendar-father's day was made up by card companies. Mother's day is always the 4th Sunday in Lent.

I agree with OP - DDs make mother's day stuff at nursery, at school, at brownies etc etc. Not one thing is done for father's day. My Mum and Dad divorced when I was 2 and I haven't seen my father since - but I still wouldn't begrudge all those who do have fathers involved in their lives the chance to make something for their Dad.

The whole "mother's Day is a real church day" means nothing these days - how many people see mother's day as a religious event???

Those who go to CofE schools perhaps?

exotic, I have a friend who's mother died when he was young - I'm sure no school refused to 'do' mother's day on the grounds that it would upset him!

Mother's day probably has a longer tradition because more mothers used to take the main role as the stay at home parent and do the childcare. It makes sense that fathers day would be a more recent 'invention' as fathers having a more active role in their children's upbringing and sometimes staying at home (as my DH does) is a more 'modern' family set up.

It doesn't make fathers any less valid or important and if schools, etc celebrate mothers day they should treat fathers day as equally importnant - as others have said if the father isn't around they could give the card to someone else!

Anyway, all holidays, occasions, festivals and so on were 'made up' by someone, so why should that fact mean you shouldn't celebrate it!

At no point have I said that they shouldn't. I always helped DS make the best of it and do something positive for grandad.
I just object to people calling it 'pussyfooting around those without one parent and that they needed to accept their situation and deal with it'. Of course they have to accept the situation and they do deal with it-but it does need a bit of sensitivity!

Mothering Sunday is a traditional part of European culture. It was about returning to your 'mother church' which also gave you an opportunity to be with your family if you lived away from home.

I had a religious upbringing, so to me mothers' day and fathers' day are not the same thing at all. One involves a church service, and usually you are given flowers at the church to give to your mum. I wouldn't have expected schools etc to cover either at all.

While my children live with both parents, I can entirely understand that this kind of thing does have to be handled very sensitively. If a child attends a particular group whose father has left and no longer contacts the child, or whose father has died, it does make sense not to have that activity. It is not the same thing as dismissing/not teaching about fathers. There are plenty of books and so on about fathers, and all children will read these as part of reading schemes. Learning about fathers is an entirely different thing to doing an activity that makes the assumption that all children have one in their lives. The same sensitivity has to be shown around mothers' day, if people running activities know that certain children don't have a mother in their life.

I really don't feel my desire to have a mothers' day card made in school is more important than the need of a child in care to feel comfortable. It is the case that a lot more children have no father in their life than no mother, so this issue will come up a lot more over this day.

As for the solution that children make a card for an uncle or a grandfather - why? I don't see that gender comes into it. If children want to make a card for somebody other than a father who may or may not exist in their life, let them make them for whoever they want - possibly their mother again! This whole solution just smacks of children MUST have a male role model or something terrible will happen, and nothing at all about the feelings of the actual child.

And the idea that a poster gave of just making thank you cards for whoever the child wants to give them to - that is really lovely.

And sorry EF, it now looks as if I am responding to you about making a grandfather's card. I wasn't. It is entirely up to you to decide how best to celebrate with your child; I was referring to ideas by other posters about what children should be doing collectively in schools.

exotic, I know that's not what you meant I was just trying to highlight the fact that the reason OP gave for the playgroups not celebrating fathers day was to not upset children who didn't have a father in their lives (for whatever reason) and yet I don't know of anywhere that would extent children without a mother in their lives the same courtesy.

FWIW I wouldn't think you were 'pussyfooting' around your DS - berevement is very difficult and everyone deals with it a different way, there is no right or wrong way and anyone who would suggest you both 'just get on with it' is very insensitive!

I bet those who did say it wouldn't say it to the child's face either....

I do think though if you want your child to make a card (for fathers day, mothers day, christmas, etc) then let them make one! Don't leave it up to the school! (In general - not aimed at you EF :) )

For what it's worth, I'm back!

I agree with EF.
I wish there was a bit more sensitivity around these 'family' days.
I have had to deal with a very distressed little boy on several occasions.
I don't want them banned (well ok, I hate mothers day) but schools should think about adopted, bereaved and separated children.
It's not pussyfooting, it's being kind to children.

I think that they should make them-I have done so as a Beaver Leader-I just think that you need to be sensitive and not go OTT-for example someone's school was having a special day for Dads to go in. I would just make it a general day for any family members.
I also think that those who say they handle it sensitively and it is no big issue should realise that just because everyone is very sensible- and don't want to spoil it for others-it is a big issue. (not one that should stop them doing it, but nonetheless a big issue for them)

Cross posted with MrsDeVere-who I agree with.

I agree MrsDeVere and EF - these things should be handled sensitively, there are so many different types of family now that they should all be taken into account when celebrating days like mothers day etc.

There is a big difference between handling an issue sensitively and banning or ignoring it but sometimes schools and such go a bit PC mad!

Sorry for offending you EF. Pussyfooting wasn't the correct word. But I was brought up in a non-perfect family and it would have been much healthier (my view now as I look back) for it to be discussable at home and to be able to say in the classroom 'I can't go on the school trip because my Dad has no job and we can't afford it' rather than it being something which wasn't discussed. And sitting cringeing in class in case you are 'found out' (children want to be the same as everyone else).

So hopefully children without Dads can just say 'my Dad died' or 'I don't have a Dad' without embarrassment or becoming too distressed and teacher would suggest they make a card for someone else or whatever .... Didn't mean to write an essay but trying to put down what I had in mind.
Of course it should be handled sensitively but not doing stuff because someone might be upset doesn't seem right and could be a minefield for schools.

My children have never made fathers day cards in either nursery or the two primary schools they went to.

I think it's a shame

Well done vashtibunyan for explaining the proper origins of Mothering Sunday. It was, indeed, originally about visiting your "mother church" in Lent. This usually meant going home which would involve visiting your mother at the same time.

We teach about Mothering Sunday (emphatically not "Mother's Day", which is an American invention and happens at a different time of year) in my school as part of teaching about Lent and Easter. Father's Day is not on the curriculum as it does not have these links. (Although we did pray for fathers this morning in church!)

Actually the most frustrating thing was that having to make a card for Grandad 4 years running and I then remarried and said to DS -'you will be able to join properly this year' and we moved and he got a school that didn't make them!

I hate it when MNHQ change thread titles. I was reading this and wondering what the problem was with the title and why the OP was getting a hard time about essentially saying that both celebrations should be equal in the eyes of schools/play groups, before seeing that the title has been amended.

It makes it really hard to comment on an OP as, from my pov, half the 'story' is missing.

What was the original title?

It was along the lines of,

To have no sympathy for single mothers.

Thank Birdgottafly.

Op never came back then...

oh sorry , he did

A word denoting a piece of soil was used.

A good job it was changed then. Has OP not realised that she could be in that position tomorrow? Horrible things happen to anyone!