Why so reluctant to celebrate Father's Day?

[TheAlphaParent]

All the toddler groups I go to (I'm a bit of a group junkie) celebrated Mother's Day. Cards were made, flowers picked, hands printed, etc. Very nice.

None of them celebrated Father's Day. Not a single one. When I asked my local library (where one of the groups is held) why they celebrated Mother's Day and not Father's Day they said it was so they didn't "offend any single mothers". So it's okay to offend fathers? Okay to dismiss their contribution to parenting?

I have sympathy for single mothers (most of them are victims of circumstance) but isn't this PC approach of hiding Father's Day a little unnecessary? Children of single mothers are going to learn about fathers from a variety of sources - friends, media, books. So why hide Father's Day like a dirty secret? It sends the message that child-rearing is predominantly a woman's job, that a man's role is insignificant. Is that the message we want to send to kids? AIBU?

The OP said it was the 'local library'.

I always made a card at school (way back in ye olde 1970s) for Fathers Day despite him not being around (100% his choice) - I just gave it to my mum or Grandad instead - it never upset me.

My DC have both come home this week with beautifully crafted cards & gifts for Father's Day, just like they did for Mother's Day. I suggest the OP needs to change toddler groups. YABU.

My DCs school didn't do Father's Day last year. I'm a lone parent and asked both my oldest 2s teachers why they hadn't made any and received a similar response.

I had a word with Headteacher, as I think it's important for my DS particularly to see that Dads are important (my DC do see their Dad regularly, although he is not as involved in their lives as he was when he was living with them, his choice not mine). I also pointed out that DD has 3 children in her class who don't live with their Mums (2 lone fathers, 1 with grandmother).

This year, all children were offered a chance to make a card for their Mum, or someone else special to them for Mother's Day, and again for Father's Day.

OP, if you have an issue with a group/school/library, perhaps you should raise your point with them, along with a constructive suggestion as to how they could improve things.

Or, you could of course, just try to wind other parents up with provocative thread titles on websites.

Doh, the children were offered a chance to make a card for their Dad or someone else special to them for Father's day...not their Mum again

Op while I agree with your comments about the message this sends out, assuming you are a mother, your name is ironic!
Not seen this personally, kids made dh cards at school and at childminders. Oh and better get the one I left in the car out soon :o

The OP has posted, goaded, and fucked off.

VashtiBunyan it is to do with schools because they facilitate the children to celebrate Mothers Day but ignore Fathers Day. Surely you can see the message that is sending to reasonably impressionable children.

If the school, or playgroup or whatever organised group it is, make a big deal out of Mothers Day (in DSD's case the school has a special whole school assembly to celebrate it, spend weeks crafting cards and writing poems and making gifts in art class) and then completely ignores Fathers Day the message they are sending to the kids is that Fathers Day and therefore Fathers dont rate. I find that very sad indeed.

What an unnecessarily nasty thread title!

I couldn't give a shiny shite about father's day.

Fathers teach children that they are important by being important.

Making a card for a Hallmark holiday says nothing about fathers and everything about the lack of imagination of people running the groups.

The children of many single mothers have important fathers.

Sparing the feelings of the many children who don't seems to me a laudable aim.

Obviously you disagree.

Your thread should really be called AIBU think sod the fatherless children

Evening. We're going to edit the title of this thread now as, although we think the OP has a right to make a point about the celebration (or not) of Father's Day, the title of the thread is unnecessarily antagonistic - and not what Mumsnet is about.

The nursery DD goes to did father's day cards, and had a special father's morning where dad's dong the drop off got a bacon butty and a cup of tea (and to hang around for an hour doing crafts if they had time).

In fact, they made more fuss than on mother's day. I didn't get a butty!

I don't think they are sending any message at all. DD's school celebrated Saint Patrick's day but not Saint George's day. Presumably they were just looking for something to do and thought it would be interesting.

I have absolutely no idea which years the kids made mothers' day cards, which fathers' day cards and which neither, because I don't see it as their responsibility.

If a major message about the relative worth of men and women or mothers and fathers is being sent through making a card, then something has gone very wrong in the general education of that child, at home and at school.

I'm a single mother I don't have a problem with nursery and school doing fathers day cards. Obviously the dc's didn't do one for their own dad though as luckily we haven't had to put up with his abuse for 3yrs now.

The schools / pre-schools / beavers / cubs etc, round here all do father's day stuff, if no actual father is available the uncles or grandads or whoever get the nod instead ... this thread smells a bit fishy to me, to be honest

VashtiBunyan it is not the schools responsibility but if they are going to assume a level of responsibility by facilitating the children for Mothers Day then they should also do Fathers Day. Or not do either of them.

I don't know what the original title was - having only just seen it. However I am relieved that toddler groups didn't - explaining death to a toddler isn't easy and he would have felt very left out. By the time he got to school he understood it.(as much as anyone can)

Nowt to do with me. I'll have the father's day card too, since I do that job as well.

DD's class have done a Father's day diploma. I chatted with her teacher after class and she mentioned they have done Step Dad and Grandpa diplomas as well for those who want to do that.
It doesn't have to be for a 'father' and if they don't have a father figure then they should be allowed to skip the day, like Valentines.

Your playgroup sounds odd.

Our school made mothers day cards but nothing at all for fathers day,I do think it is very unfair.
I have made one with ds as the prices of the cards made me a bit swears,especially the ones that say to grandad on fathers day? Why would my ds want to send a card to my or dhs dad?

YANBU OP - pussyfooting around children not having fathers (or mothers) in their lives is not fair on the DCs imo. Is it a big secret, are they to be embarrassed about it? Better they understand what their situation is and accept it (as most kids do, so poster saying it had DCs in tears in her class as they didn't have fathers says alot about the adults in their lives (and possibly society as a whole)).
Healthier for DCs to have a cry as parents have just split up or whatever than not have Father's Day at all.

How lovely to know that my DS has to just accept that his father is dead and that people shouldn't pussyfoot around him and he isn't supposed to cry.

exotic I appreciate that Fathers Day is a difficult time for your DS

However, there are also children who have lost their Mums who cope with nurseries and schools celebrating Mothers Day.

I suppose, from my point of view, schools/ nurseries/ toddler groups or whoever, should either butt out and not make cards for either day or sensitively handle both. Having spoken to my DC school last year, this year all the children were given the chance to make cards which had a 'Thanks for all you do for me' type message. The children then chose what was written inside, so they could send it to whoever they chose.

Sorry-he is supposed to have a cry because it is healthy.

I didn't say that it was any different for mothers-it is the same. I just get rather fed up with people saying 'it is handled sensitively and it is no big deal'-it is actually a huge deal, we just don't actually say so-we grin and make the best of it.
I don't say that you shouldn't make either-I just get annoyed with people coming in stamping around in boots and calling it 'pussyfooting'!

Fathers day and mothers day are also hugely difficult for another group of children.
Adopted and fostered children can have a dreadful time when all ths stuff is going on and IME schools are totally insensitive to this.
not such a hot time for bereaved parents either.
We are not keen in our house.