to be scared at reading the Relationships section? :(

[mixedberrymilkshake]

Please tell me if I'm being pathetic, but the numerous 100+ page threads where a wife discovers her husband is actually a massive prick who seems to only care about getting his dick wet makes me...erm, paranoid.

I've actually spent nights reading through them sobbing with a bottle of wine feeling so heartbroken for the woman and her DC in question.

I am currently in a LDR and I really trust my DP- but reading first hand accounts of what men get up to in between leaving work and getting home and keeping their tracks covered for months at a time makes me so scared when my DP is 6 hours away :(

So tell me- am I being unbearably wet or do you too find yourselves feeling overwhelming empathy for these kinds of stories?

*Should read sympathy not empathy. Unwarranted empathy I feel too because I've never been in that position though...

YAB..UW

YABU

Nobody would go onto relationships to start a thread entitled,
'I have the best DP in the world and I love him sooooo much'.

People are mostly here to moan.

If you don't trust your DP, that's a different issue.

I try and stay away from the Relationships section. I find myself getting sucked in and emotionally involved. I also feel like I'm rubbernecking a bit.

What I do think is that the Relationships regulars - AnyFucker and all the other lovely Mners - do an amazing job, often with no thanks.

I would second staying off the relationship threads.

The only reason that i read them is to give weight when it is obvious that the relationship is unhealthy inregards to the children.

That is the only time that i post, because that is my 'interest'.

We all have our coping levels and reading them doesn't seem to be doing you any good.

This is why I have hidden the topic.

YABU to be paranoid.

In contrast to the relationship boards:

I have a wonderful relationship with my DH. Even though he works away and is away this weekend working I know that he wouldn't stray. He often works late, but then its whats expected in his job and I don't have a problem with it.

Its simply not in his nature to stray. Besides the fact, he knows he's the worlds biggest liar and is incapable of keeping a secret from me. (He's yet to give me a birthday or christmas present without blurting out what it was before the day!!!)

I don't need to go checking his wallet to make sure he's telling the truth. I have no reason to doubt and every reason to KNOW hes being honest.

Thats why hes my DH.

He's by no means perfect. He has his flaws and we have blazing arguments over other things.

Its easy to get worried and have doubts. But trust you DH and don't worry. Not all men are the same. There is no point spending your life thinking about something that might never happen. If the relationship section is driving you to tears, don't read it as you'll only end up causing yourself stress.

If you are happy in your relationship, enjoy it. Don't get paranoid over nothing or that WILL destroy your relationship.

Most helpful topic on mumsnet went there for support with relationship problem and was told to kick H out. Ultimately we did split, but I found all those strident women telling me to kick him out really really unhelpful. I felt that they were transposing their anger at their exs on to my situation. I will never ever post there again.

Meant to say unhelpful topic sorry.

I agree with that as well, Lizcat. That's really the biggest reason why I don't read it. Too much 'leave the bastard' not enough actual help.

I agree that there is a lot of projection. Too many wannabe agony aunts/psychologists!

It's like car crash television.

I completely avoid the relationships sections, whilst I think they are wonderful in providing support for those in need I think for those in healthy happy and loving relationships its not a board that you should see hide nor hair of.

It reminds me of when my PFB was born and I found some leaflet on Cot Death, I read up a ridiculous amount and most of the information was inclusive. The only purpose it served was to make me paranoid, I went batshit crazy, I had a month where I barely slept because i was so terrified that DD1 was suddenly going to die while I did. Once I stopped reading about it all and focused on the positives I went back to normal.

Lizcat seems to sum it up perfectly.

Completely agree with Lizcat and the others. I often want to tell the ops to just stop and think. I never do though. The few people I've seen disagree with the leave him mob have been badly flamed and I'm a wimp.

I hide the relationships topic, I'd be no help at all because mostly I really don't understand why people put up with shit, so I get impatient and then I'd probably not be very helpful.

I don't find other people's dramas and crises interesting in an entertainment sense either.

I read the Relationship boards because after seeing DH's cousin go through a DV situation and stay for far too long, and supporting my own cousin in dealing with her narcissistic mother, I feel I can offer some support.

It's a tough board to be on, and I think those of you who stay away from it because they don't want to rubberneck or because they feel they can't help are being very wise.

That makes sense to me pointythings, I usually hang around the sn boards for similar reasons.

I'm happy to offer people support and if I can advise on a particular situation then I will but I would be very reluctant to jump in with a 'you must leave him' based on one post that only provides a snippet of information about a particular situation in someone's entire relationship. I think some posters do that. Tbh I think reading the relationships board could almost make you find something wrong with your relationship.

I found the relationships board very helpful at giving perspective, and learning from other people's experience. The advice was less helpful, as some of the comments were very extreme, and there did seem to be a lot of projection going on.

However, where it comes into its own is in helping people get to the bottom of situations. The poster who was worried about an affair, but could not put their finger on why, was able to learn from other women who had been in the same situation. There are red flags, but unless someone points them out you don't realise they are red flags until afterwards.

I can honestly say that if I ever had a relationship problem, the last place on earth I'd go is the Relationship board.

There are some very level headed and helpful posters on there but sadly I think they get 'shot down' a lot by a minority who come across as quite bitter and twisted, with their own anti male agendas.

Others on there appear to have read a couple of books on feminism and now think they can apply the 'text' to every relationship problem they read. I often wonder if their own relationships are anything like they would have people believe...but that's just the cynic in me

I think if I had a relationship problem I'd search out a forum with a more even male/female mix for a broader range of opinions/advice.

IMO "leave the bastard" is very often the only rational action, some of the shit people get their partners get away with is really sad.

Haha completely agree with Worra as usual.

When I have relationship problems, the last thing I want to do is put them on a forum. Especially one which will inform me I am being oppressed and abused but just too stupid to realise it or tell me to Leave The Bastard, which while appropriate in some situations, doesn't actually resolve anything.

Great if you find it useful. OP its clearly not doing you any good. Hide it.