to be scared at reading the Relationships section? :(

[mixedberrymilkshake]

Please tell me if I'm being pathetic, but the numerous 100+ page threads where a wife discovers her husband is actually a massive prick who seems to only care about getting his dick wet makes me...erm, paranoid.

I've actually spent nights reading through them sobbing with a bottle of wine feeling so heartbroken for the woman and her DC in question.

I am currently in a LDR and I really trust my DP- but reading first hand accounts of what men get up to in between leaving work and getting home and keeping their tracks covered for months at a time makes me so scared when my DP is 6 hours away :(

So tell me- am I being unbearably wet or do you too find yourselves feeling overwhelming empathy for these kinds of stories?

Yep. If you dare say anything along the lines of, 'actually, he's not that bad in general - it's just this one thing' then you're obviously in denial and/or a complete idiot who has been taken in by her DP and the abuse/dismissive remarks will start.

I reckon Lundy Bancroft posts on there under a pseudonym, I see enough plugging of her/his book.

I'm sure people mean well, but Wowser it gets heavy quickly in that topic, often over minor stuff. Whoever said projecting is bang on.

I reckon Lundy Bancroft posts on there under a pseudonym, I see enough plugging of her/his book

It had crossed my mind too.

I don't blame you. I wouldn't read them though - only make yourself upset. Besides, you can't base your relationship on anyone elses relationship. Not every man will play the field, just like not every woman will either.

Because obviously it's not just men.

Still though, don't make yourself upset... It's not worth it. :(

I think if you take the view that OPs are stupid for posting their intimate problems on a relationships board and are of the mindset of so many women in AIBU that women should learn to suck up terrible behaviour in men, then it really is best to stay away from the Relationships board. As you should if other people's distress is causing distress to you too.

I'm really grateful that some of the posters on this thread hide that board.

OP if you are distressed reading the board then hide it.

I do read it, though I very rarely post as I usually don't think I can add anything to what has been said.

As others have said it has educated me about red flags and what horrors can go on within relationships. As a consequence my teenage DDs are already more aware of traits to avoid than I was at their age.

AlexReids i thought that too
I also wonder if some regulars there are about to publish a book or to set up a bussiness because they seem so keen on building up reputation

I think that the section and the regular posters is very good for ops in really very bad rl (i.e. dv). Maybe not so good for 'lighter' ops. Perhaps we should have 2 rl sections and the well known posters with very strong opinions to be banned from the 'lighter' section .

Sometimes the regulars try to shut down anyone else and just keep arguing with another poster so OP is losing out basically.
It is a bit ironic imo that they go on about respect but at the same time they talk about the op in 3nd person and as if she is a child or stupid so they basically do the same thing that the bully H does to op.
It is almost as if all they want is to be proved 'right' in the end. (sadly they often are, but very often they are wrong too)

Sometimes the regulars try to shut down anyone else and just keep arguing with another poster so OP is losing out basically. It is a bit ironic imo that they go on about respect but at the same time they talk about the op in 3nd person and as if she is a child or stupid so they basically do the same thing that the bully H does to op

I think that often its these posters working out their own ishoos, anyone who disagrees with them and the OP and are just punchbags.

There are people who project and have axes to grind and there are those who trot out the same old response to each situation (albeit based on their own experiences). Some are aggressive and unkind.

If I hadn't Googled and found the Relationships board in the first few demented days after discovering my husband's affair and hadn't picked out the useful advice, I believe all of my family would be very unhappy people now.

Having said that, I understand that there was previously a witch hunt concerning a poster WWIFN whose advice to other women I found particularly useful in my own situation and that's horrible.

I do want to help other women on that board to 'give back' after being helped but it is easy to find yourself prjecting though.