to be scared at reading the Relationships section? :(

[mixedberrymilkshake]

Please tell me if I'm being pathetic, but the numerous 100+ page threads where a wife discovers her husband is actually a massive prick who seems to only care about getting his dick wet makes me...erm, paranoid.

I've actually spent nights reading through them sobbing with a bottle of wine feeling so heartbroken for the woman and her DC in question.

I am currently in a LDR and I really trust my DP- but reading first hand accounts of what men get up to in between leaving work and getting home and keeping their tracks covered for months at a time makes me so scared when my DP is 6 hours away :(

So tell me- am I being unbearably wet or do you too find yourselves feeling overwhelming empathy for these kinds of stories?

I was securely and happily with my H for 21 years. He used to be a good man. Most people think he has had a breakdown/personality transplant, including his own parents. To put it down to choosing 'more wisely' is a bit glib. It suggests you see me - and others like me - as fools.

All I know is that I have had good, wise and warm advice on the Relationships board, both when I asked for advice in helping my cousin deal with her toxic mother and when we lost MIL in 2011 - there were a lot of wise words for me on how to support DH emotionally and I was grateful.

I think Relationship is one of those boards where emotions can run very high (a bit like AIBU, really) and things do go off track sometimes, but on the whole I think the board helps more than it harms.

And thank you everlong

do you normally go by another name an air ?... as I have only ever seen Worra post in a very fair manner, without taking any sides, and her posts are never nasty or vindictive..

I think Worra often offers sensible counterweight to more extreme emotional responses and sets threads back on track more often than not.

I do see a lot of the women on here as fools.

Some people's situations make me shake my head, because it's clear from what they've posted that they knew there were serious problems in their relationship before 1) they were married or 2) before they had children. But they did not act, and now are trapped in these awful situations.

If your partner honestly did do a 180 change, then that is really unfortunate. But I think this is not the case for many of the posters.

Fucking hell I think you're all drunk

Let's have a few more

I have a thread on the relationships board. I've had a few tbh. When I thought dh was cheating the information from the posters made me sure in my mind he was. He didn't. He is suffering from stress and quiet ill and I totally misunderstood and the replies I got really made things worse.

But

If you filter through the replies, and take them with a pinch of salt. They can be encouraging in difficult times. I won't leave my husband because of encouragement from an Internet forum, but the support I get when I'm not coping and maybe need some cheerleading that I'm strong is fantastic. I agree that people on there do encourage woman to walk away to easily IMO, but that's not to say that a lot of women would walk away for a lot less than some of dh and my problems.

The worra Appreciation Society you say?

Well bloody sign me up! worra is one of a handful of posters who don't immediately descend into hysteria and horribly worn cliches at the first sign of bother and I like that in a poster.
I sometimes read Relationships - and at times it doesn't make for pretty reading. And at other times it's amazing to see the support given so freely to people in need. What it doesn't do is make me go all peculiar and hide the topic and for the life of me I can't see why anyone would do that. Why would anyone do that?

I like reading the Relationships section. Never post, but often find it fascinating to lurk in. I rarely get as much insight into other people's relationships, from how money is split to more intimate things (not the sort of thing I discuss with friends) so it's quite interesting, especially the longer running threads. I can't imagine getting upset over it though, it's just something to pass the time for me.

And I have to admit I get quite curious about the outcome of many threads, they often run for quite long so I save them to my smartphone as one page so I can read it through on my commute.

Ok who woke Lentilly up and told her we've got wine?

MN is full of lots of different POV's and people with different backgrounds (and sadly, agendas) but all in all I think it's a good mix.

I'm still not sure however, that it's a good idea for anyone who is in desperate need of advice to turn to internet forums of any description...if the advice they're seeking is anything other than handy tips or hints.

But I suppose some people have to do this if they have no-one in RL to speak to.

I still think however, that some people forget there is a real person on the receiving end of it all and when the armchair psychologists have finished with one person and started on another...that person may have taken every flippant word to heart.

Woke me up? Who dear? Me dear? Asleep dear? How very dare you!

Women in DV relationship never talk about it to anyone and get good at hiding it. If coming on to a internet chat room and asking for help is iyo not a good idea then thats bullshit, some people really need help. Its not just words on a screen.

Yep i really must ignore you before i get banned

Relationships is the last place I'd go if I had relationship problems.

In my experience it is plagued with a number of very vociferous misandrists (or at leastbwomen with strong anti men agendas), they do look larger than they are IMO as are typically frequent posters and also very quick to attack others they disagree with, often as a gang attack, which puts more mainstream posters off so you get a very skewed worldview.

IMO you get a far broader cross section of views on AIBU.

I'd agree with that whatme - I think someone said upthread about that - if someone posts in Relationships with a relatively minor but aggravating worry it's only a matter of minutes before the 'Leave Him You're Being EA' brigade descend and before the poor OP knows it she's got a whole load more problems that she thought she had when she started. Disagree with them and you'll never know what hit you!