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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

about my spa day birthday 'present'?

116 replies

Bethshine82 · 15/06/2012 22:35

So me and two close friends all celebrated milestone birthdays this year.

For my friends' birthdays I made them a little photo collage as well as buying them gifts if around £30-40 which is more than I'd usually spend but they are close friends and it is a special birthday.

My birthday was last. They have me cards and said instead of buying me a gift they thought it would be nice to go for a spa day all together. Although spa days aren't really my thing I agreed and they told me the name of the place they'd looked at. I looked at it after and it indeed looked nice and packages started at £50.

Anyway fast forward six weeks and I've seen them a few times since my birthday but nothing has been arranged. I then got a text from friend tonight giving me dates she was available and asking me to check with other friend and then book if for the three of us. She ended by saying she and other friend would then pay me back for their packages.

So basically I'm being asked to arrange my own birthday present and pay for it too. I appreciate they are having to pay for their own spa treatments but they will benefit from them. They both work and I'm a sahm. To be honest I can't really afford £50 this month on something I'm not that fussed about doing.
Would it have killed them to chip in £25 each and organise this for me? It's actually the thoughtlessness more than the money that upsets me.

AIBU to be a bit snippy in my response? Have not replied yet!

OP posts:
scarlettsmummy2 · 15/06/2012 22:37

Do they both work full time? If they do they probably won't have given it as much thought as you will have done- I am sure they have not been deliberately mean.

pigletmania · 15/06/2012 22:39

Yabu, you do not give to receive. Why not say that you cannot afford to go and Mabey go for a meal instead

scarlettsmummy2 · 15/06/2012 22:39

Sorry- I presumes they would be paying for your trip too? If not they are being mean!

lisad123 · 15/06/2012 22:41

I would text back and say "sorry I don't have the spare cash to book it tbh, so I'm around on x y and z date, choose and book please :)

Nanananah · 15/06/2012 22:41

They may not realise that its a lot of money for you to spend in a month.

Send them a jokey message saying u havent won the lottery yet so cant fork out £150 for the spa. And it wouldn't be much of a birthday treat if you had to organise and pay for it yourself. Mention how much you are looking forward to them treating you on your birthday. They may a) feel guilty and pay the £25 (which they should) or b) ask you to pay them back once they have booked it.

The jokey message tone should make it seem light hearted way to communicating.

Original poster
Bethshine82 · 15/06/2012 22:42

Yes they do, and I appreciate they have other stuff to worry about.
It's just I put time and thought into their gifts and I just feel a bit hurt. I probably wouldn't have been so bothered any other birthday. Silly really I know.
However have to say one of these friends is fairly demanding and doubt she would have stood for it - we had to make a huge fuss for her birthday! She does have redeeming features but laid back she is not.

OP posts:
HappySunflower · 15/06/2012 22:42

So, in other words, your gift from them, is their presence?

I would reply, simply saying that money is tight and that you can't afford it- then see what they say...

MsMarple · 15/06/2012 22:43

Just tell them that you can't afford it at the moment - I agree it isn't much of a present if you have to pay for it yourself!

Original poster
Bethshine82 · 15/06/2012 22:44

No scarlett they meant for me to pay for myself.

No I don't give go receive but when you've been friends with someone for two decades you do hope for a little more thought. I don't mean in monetary terms, if they had made me a photo book or something like I did for them I'd have been really pleased. Why mention the spa thing if they had no intention of really doing it?

OP posts:
Original poster
Bethshine82 · 15/06/2012 22:46

My gift from them is indeed their presence.
And not just that but I have to organise it. Which annoys me. Id never say to someone 'we will take you out for your birthday present, but will you sort it out, book it and pay for it.'

OP posts:
Sarcalogos · 15/06/2012 22:46

Definitely tell them You can't afford it at the moment.

This is thoughtless of them Sad

lottiegb · 15/06/2012 22:47

Yanbu, they need to organise it as a treat for you if it's a present.

Hebiegebies · 15/06/2012 22:48

Agree you should be honest and say you can't afford it just now

NettoSuperstar · 15/06/2012 22:48

I can't see past Spa day
You might aswell have said said, 'day litter picking in hell', which I'd prefer.
What is it with paying for strangers to touch you, and being quiet in a pool, with posh women's piss in it.
No, no, no.

Sorry, the thread wasn't about that.
I'll leave now.

Noqontrol · 15/06/2012 22:49

That is a bit tight tbh. Tell them you can't afford it at the moment.

saladcreamwitheverything · 15/06/2012 22:49

A spa day would be my worst nightmare (and from what i understood from your OP you're not that bothered either?)

If they haven't even been arsed to book it and you'd rather do something else, say "how about .... option?! Grin

Original poster
Bethshine82 · 15/06/2012 22:49

I actually feel like they couldn't be bothered to do anything nice for me, panicked, and so came up with this spa day thing.
I'm not even a spa day sort of person.

OP posts:
DublinMammy · 15/06/2012 22:49

They are crap friends if they are now asking you to book and pay for your own birthday present and pay for them (even thought they are going to pay you back). I would follow Nananah's advice. Try not to let it upset you, they may not realise how crap they are being.

Original poster
Bethshine82 · 15/06/2012 22:50

I'm not a spa day sort of person was in fact code for 'I hate spa days.' I can't see how they are meant to be relaxing. At all.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bethshine82 · 15/06/2012 22:51

netto perhaps the day litter picking in hell package might be cheaper?

OP posts:
DrCoconut · 15/06/2012 22:52

It might be that money is tight for them too. Perhaps they are embarrassed at having to backtrack? Working does not = loaded. That said, why suggest an idea they can't afford? YANBU to not want to arrange and pay for your own birthday gift like I often do! Could you sort something cheaper out?

Noqontrol · 15/06/2012 22:54

Litter picking is free, all you need are gloves and a plastic bag Grin my friend used to do it when she was bored ( the days before children and more time on her hands). I'm not a spa day person either. Why don't you say you'd like to litter pick instead. It is your birthday after all.

HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 15/06/2012 22:55

I think they're being very mean, very thoughtless and in any case spa days are over-rated.

TheHouseOnTheCorner · 15/06/2012 23:01

It's shit of them. I would send a text back saying "you want me to organise my own present you lazy buggers! No way! Come back to me when you've sorted it out Missus!"

Or something.

Original poster
Bethshine82 · 15/06/2012 23:01

Shall I text back and say I've decided I'd like a day litter picking instead?! Grin

I wouldn't mind if they said they couldn't afford it any more (although highly doubt they can't afford £25 each as they go out a lot and shop a lot) but suggested something else for us to do. Even like a movie night or something. Which I'd probably prefer anyway.

OP posts: