about my spa day birthday 'present'?

[Bethshine82]

So me and two close friends all celebrated milestone birthdays this year.

For my friends' birthdays I made them a little photo collage as well as buying them gifts if around £30-40 which is more than I'd usually spend but they are close friends and it is a special birthday.

My birthday was last. They have me cards and said instead of buying me a gift they thought it would be nice to go for a spa day all together. Although spa days aren't really my thing I agreed and they told me the name of the place they'd looked at. I looked at it after and it indeed looked nice and packages started at £50.

Anyway fast forward six weeks and I've seen them a few times since my birthday but nothing has been arranged. I then got a text from friend tonight giving me dates she was available and asking me to check with other friend and then book if for the three of us. She ended by saying she and other friend would then pay me back for their packages.

So basically I'm being asked to arrange my own birthday present and pay for it too. I appreciate they are having to pay for their own spa treatments but they will benefit from them. They both work and I'm a sahm. To be honest I can't really afford £50 this month on something I'm not that fussed about doing.
Would it have killed them to chip in £25 each and organise this for me? It's actually the thoughtlessness more than the money that upsets me.

AIBU to be a bit snippy in my response? Have not replied yet!

I agree with you bran. But I think that if the friends had actually organised the present, the OP would have accepted and enjoyed it. It's the fact that they chose it for her, AND expected her to organise it.

Telling them you don't actually want to do it is actually telling them they blardy well should have organised and paid for it, without actually having to say it.

I too am more likely to take this passive-aggressive route than be up-front...

I also love Sassy's response

TBH, I would have said thanks but no thanks, Spa days really aren't my thing - I'd rather do X instead. Especially if they're not paying for you - it would have been a completely different matter if they had given you vouchers for it, all paid for upfront - then you would have just had to smile graciously and accept. But since that's not the case, I'd say you'd rather do something else.

That is tight of them.

I also thought spas were not my thing til I went to one. It was bloody lovely (but maybe because it was a country hotel and we lay in bed most of the day and no strangers touched me.)

stuffit- I like that response too. Have you actually sent a text like this to a friend? (I would like to be this assertive)

MIL did this for me once, some time after I'd said in passing that I fancied trying that sort of treat.

Except that she didn't say it was a spa day, she said that she'd found something I'd like and that I had to supply suitable dates etc. To be fair she was prepared to pay for it, which is more than your mates were proposing.

I was quite busy at the time and I was struggling to find time for treats, there was always something practical that got prioritised first. A request for an unspecified amount of time for an unspecified activity didnt really get pushed to the top of the list, IYSWIM?

Obviously it never happened, because I was too busy....so what I actually got for my birthday was a series of increasingly put out exclamations that it hadn't been sorted out, to add to all the other things I had to feel guilty/stressed about.

I would actually have been happier with nothing, because the I wouldnt have had all the angst. It isn't a present if you have to do the legwork yourself, and it definitely isn't a present if you have to pay for it too! It's just another job to add to the list! Maybe your mates are dead busy etc. but what they've done is lame because they haven't actually put any effort into it.

I am very busy at the moment but I could find 5 mins to phone a spa to book 3 treatments. It's no excuse.

They sound horrible and self-centred OP. They need to arrange it and pay for yours, otherwise they are taking the piss.

I think they're being mean.

As an aside £50 for a spa day? That is very cheap, do you get any treatments? I am biased as I bloody hate spa days. My dh kept on buying them for me at Champneys, until I asked him not to.

Porky, I wish I had your DH

Obviously it never happened, because I was too busy....so what I actually got for my birthday was a series of increasingly put out exclamations that it hadn't been sorted out, to add to all the other things I had to feel guilty/stressed about.

I hear you.

My close friends all forgot my 30th because I was first to turn 30, and had just had DD1 - had just got lots of lovely baby gifts, but still I was a little bit hurt, even though we hadn't bothered much about birthdays for a while, I just wanted making more of a fuss of.

Am I getting it right that they want you to pay for yourself OP ?

So you are having to pay to do an activity you don't even enjoy and that is supposed to be your present? That's a bad show from your friends.

Have you heard anything yet?

Sorry been out all day!

Friend replied and said they would rather do the £80 one ss better value for money - the £50 isn't really a spa 'day', it is a mini treatment and use of the pool and is part of an off peak deal. The £80 gives a full treatment and use of facilities. And robes I believe.

So I answered and just said 'oh well, that's a shame as I can't afford that so perhaps we could do something else for my birthday.'

I suppose perhaps I should phone. It is possible they don't know how hurt I am from texts. Thing is although I'd sort of expect this from one of them who tends to be a bit thoughtless, the other is usually the opposite. Which is why I'm a bit taken aback.

Well done OP for dealing with the situation so well. They sounds really thoughtless and I dont' think I'd want to continue the friendship with them but that's just me. I am very intolerant of that kind of behaviour

YANBU. Bizarre behaviour from them. But then my mum does similar

Left open mouthed here!!! How rude....and it is the utter thoughtlessness of it all. Even if they were broke (which it doesnt sound they are) there are a million gift ideas they could of done if they'd put a litlle thought and time into it.

I'm really disappointed for you OP and hope one of your friends come to their senses xx

Are you sure you still want to be friends with these people . I can't believe they are acting this way over what was supposed to be a gift to you!

If they don't take the hint, I really hope you will spell it out to them.

IME any birthday present that takes the form of an iou or a promised 'experience' to be arranged later is a cop out. They probably had good intentions but the truth is, once the big day is over and forgotten, so is your 'treat'.

It is a bit crap really. I feel your pain. I got my closest friend a special, jewellery present for her recent milestone birthday. My own milestone was a few weeks later, she just got me jokey presents.

I know, I know, you don't give to receive. But, still.

I also think you should say you can't afford it. Also if they are such good friends, why don't they know that a spa isn't really your thing? Sounds more like a present for themselves tbh.