Would you leave a 13yr old home alone overnight?

[carlywurly]

A friend mentioned in conversation that she does this regularly when shes out with friends or staying with her dp who lives a mile or so away.

Her ds has just turned 13. Apparently he loves having the place to himself.

I really didn't know what to say. My own dcs are much younger so it's not something I've really considered yet.

Aibu for feeling a bit shocked or is doing this normal??

The law does not set a minimum age at which children can be left alone. However, it is an offence to leave a child alone when doing so puts him or her at risk.

That was c&p from the NSPCC website.

I think it depends on the child really. At 13 I was perfectly mature enough to be left on my own at any time of day or night; I didn't suddenly change just because it was night time.

Some people need a judgement check if they think that's ok.

Rene meh, we had fun & amazingly nobody died Like I said depends on the maturity of said youngster-you get some very sensible 14 year olds then you get knobs-parental judgement is all that is required, sure she knows her own child

This always comes up on MN about leaving children at home -

see NSPCC site

leaving a under 16 alone after 11pm being illegal is a new one for MN

No chance. Utterly stupid, irresponsible and unfair on the child.

No way...

It's not against the law at all - not in UK at least.

The first time I stayed alone overnight at home I think I was 15 or possibly 16, we had a babysitter until I must have been about 14 or 15, I liked her. She wrote a children's book and we got to read it first :)

DSis is 3 years younger so possibly partially because I was too young to take responsibility but there were times we were glad she was there, like the time there was a giant spider AND moth in our bedroom

Absolutely not and I would not leave 15 year old DS home alone all night either.

I usually yep on these threads

but in this case nope

When my ds was 18 and dd was 14 I started doing this occasionally and felt stupidly neglectful!

No I would not. I would also be on the phone to SS.

No never

YANBU I have 13 y o and would not leave her overnight. She would not be comfortable with it either.

Welliebobs is mistaken about the law. There is no specific age limit in law for leaving children alone. However if anything did happen the parent is still responsible and it would be up to the police and then court to take a view on whether the child was being neglected.

Thanks all, think I will get dp to have a gentle word in his professional capacity (which is vaguely related!) as I wonder now if it was said to gauge our reaction.

Fwiw, there's no way I'd do it. I was over 16 before I was left with my sister, and never spent a night alone in a house growing up. I would have been terrified.

I wouldn't leave a 13-yr-old home alone. DS1 will be 13 next birthday and he's quite sensible, but still I wouldn't do it. I can't expect him to cope alone with stuff that can feasibly happen in anyone's house [leaking pipes/ fire/ intruders/ cat coming in with not-quite-dead wildlife] - not that I think he would do badly, I just think it's not fair on a youngster.

as others have said there is no cut off

Leaving a 14 year old with an 18 year old is hardly neglectful - after all they can leave home by that age. But leaving a 13 year old alone all night is just wrong; even if he is the most sensible 13 year old ever. OP, your friend really does sound very selfish - poor kid!

Over 16 before you were left with your sister? Flippin heck, i know people who left home and had houses of their own at 16. If the son seems fine and mature enough to cope with being left on his own (which i assume he is if this has been happening on a regular basis) I dont see how you think the son is being put in danger, or why it is unreasonable.

Yikes, my parents left me on my own at 16. No WAY would I let my DC on basis of my own behaviour at that time.

Sex, drugs, smoking, drinking, 'borrowing' the car, friends over, strangers over, YIKES. No way Jose. The day I leave DSs overnight is the day they have their own places! Actually, if my sister had stayed with me NONE of the above would have ever happened as she was FAR more sensible than me.

No. I wasn't left alone at night until I was about 15.

Barred, he's 13
Sounds classy btw, but I'm glad nobody died

I started to leave mine overnight at around 14, but there was a few of them and i have good neighbours and family close by.

I didn't stay out as such but was out till about 3 in the morning. I could leave mine completely at 15, so i am lax by most people's standards, but my DD was very mature, confident and again she wasn't on her own.

He is to young for the responsibility. I would worry about him boasting about being left and then things going wrong.

Good God No! I've barely left my 12.5 yr old ds alone in the evening ,let alone overnight.
Your friend is being entirely selfish imo... she leaves him because she wants to go out, not because he loves having the place to himself. some people! honestly!

Titty, yep,16 as I recall. We lived out in the sticks at the time though. I had a very over active imagination due to reading too much Enid blyton so wouldn't have coped any younger. I still hate it now

Fair play to those who have their own homes at 16 but that certainly wasn't me nor any of my friends back then, it would have been carnage!