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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

That I should be upset by what my friend has said?

51 replies

mystupidfriend · 15/06/2012 13:40

Basically my best friend has lost two stones, and eversince all she ever talks about is her weight and how she looks, and how what she is buying, and whatever she wears she looks good in. I am very happy for her, and have always encouraged her and supported her when she was losing weight, and when she was on the verge of giving up. Well for the last 10 months i have been very patient with her talking about her weight ( and seriously that is all she goes on about) putting me down in a very subtle way. Recently she seems to have got obsessed, because she is weighing herself everyday, which isn't normal is it? So after listening to her for an hr, i said she might need some proper help before it turns in to anorexia, thats all i said. And she turned around and said " Your just jealous because you can't stand me being thin". I can't believe she would say that, i have listened to her for the last ten months about her weight.

OP posts:

TapDancingPimp · 15/06/2012 13:44

Tell her in as polite a way as possible to change the f*cking record.

She obv has no qualms being cheeky to you.

BreastmilkDoesAFabLatte · 15/06/2012 13:44

Sounds as though you hit an uncomfortably raw nerve for her...?

WinkyWinkola · 15/06/2012 13:46

I think she might have waiting to say that!

You're not jealous, are you?

But it's boring, you're right. Tell her it's boring.

Original poster

mystupidfriend · 15/06/2012 13:48

winky no i am not jealous. I am actually thinner than her anyway . It's just sooooooo boring having to listen to her everyday single day, about her weight.

OP posts:

Original poster

mystupidfriend · 15/06/2012 13:50

She has also tried putting me down by saying things like

So how much do you weigh? oh this is how much i weigh now.
Don't wear that it will make your bum look big, eventho i haven't even got one really

OP posts:

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 15/06/2012 13:55

Bringing up anorexia was a slightly extreme thing for you to do, so I'm OT entirely surprised you got a response you didn't like. Especially if you ate slimmer than her, why would you feel the need to tell her she needs help before she turns anorexic? That's really not a nice thing to say.

But I wouldn't worry about her retort too much, it says more about her feelings about herself than it does about anything you have said.

My closest friend did lighter life for a while.it was hard work being her friend at that time because she spoke about nothing else. And if she did, it always somehow came back round to being about her and her weight, or the other people in her LL group. She's off it now and has put all the wight back on, but literally every time I see her she will either say 'do you think I look like I've lost weight' or 'OMG I have put on soooo much weight in the last couple of weeks. She clearly thinks about it far too much.

WinkyWinkola · 15/06/2012 13:56

She's really loving her weight loss and being able to compare herself to you.

I'd laugh off any of her more personal comments about her weight.

And ask her to change the subject from time to time. YOu could go the other way and go absolutely ott with compliments whenever she mentions her weight.

fruitysummer · 15/06/2012 13:56

I have something similar with a group of friends. They have all recently gotten into an activity that as long as I have breath in my body I won't get involved in, I hate it. (it's nothing illegal, just ffing boring in my eyes)

I have had to ask them to shut up ahout it when I'm around otherwise I'm no longer socialising on my own with them.

It worked - and if it does come up as it's bound to from time to time I just walk away until they've finished if they go on an on.

WinkyWinkola · 15/06/2012 13:57

personal comments about your weight, I meant.

McKayz · 15/06/2012 14:00

We could have the same friend. Except mine had lost 5 stone. She's done amazing and looks great. I'm very very pleased for her as the doctor tried to get her to have a gastric band but she did it herself.

But there are days I am sick to death of hearing it. Especially when there are little digs about my size. Despite being 39 weeks pregnant she refers to me as now being the fat friend.

I might not sound happy for her, which I am, but I do wish we could talk about something else.

Original poster

mystupidfriend · 15/06/2012 14:00

outraged the reason i mentioned anorexia was because she is looking at herself everday to look whether her arms, tummy or any other part of her body has put any weight on, now that is not normal is it? she is weighing herself everyday and not eating anything becasue she thinks she will put on weight.

OP posts:

HipHopOpotomus · 15/06/2012 14:02

I agree with TapDancingPimp - tell her well done but now it's time to change the fucking record!

Original poster

mystupidfriend · 15/06/2012 14:04

hip i would say that, but she probably accuse me of being jealous again.

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OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 15/06/2012 14:05

It might not be normal but it's not anorexia either. I wouldn't dream of saying to a fat friend that they should get help because they are on their way to be coming morbidly obese, and I don't suppose you would either. I doubt you ever said anything like it before she lost the weight, because that would be rude. Well I think it's rude the other way around as well.

You could have said that you were worried about how much she is obsessing in a much kinder way if you were genuinely concerned, but it sounds like you were (understandably) just bored of her going on about it.

Original poster

mystupidfriend · 15/06/2012 14:07

outraged yes maybe i suppose i should have said it in a kinder way, thinking of it now.

OP posts:

sooperdooper · 15/06/2012 14:13

I'd just pull her up on it every time she starts going on - it does get boring if people have the same topic of conversation constantly

Original poster

mystupidfriend · 15/06/2012 14:18

I am happy that she has lost weight, i used to love her phoning and catching up with her, but her personality has changed so much, she has almost become quite a shallow and nasty person, with her comments.

OP posts:

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 15/06/2012 14:28

When my friend was doing this, like I said, it was hard work. I spent a lot of time trying to change the subject, and when I have dieted to stop myself going over 9 stone, she has made comments that I could do without. But I can't imagine how hard it must be to live a life being that big, or how hard it is to try and lose it. So I give her the benefit of the doubt.

If your friend is making horrible comments, maybe you could use the tried and tested MN phrase 'did you mean that to sound so rude'?

Original poster

mystupidfriend · 15/06/2012 14:31

I think i just need to be up front and tell her that it's flippin boring in a nice way, and maybe if we can talk about stuff other than her weight and how she looks. I know by me saying that, i am opening a can of worms.

OP posts:

amothersplaceisinthewrong · 15/06/2012 14:34

Could you just change the subject everytime she brings up her weight....

Original poster

mystupidfriend · 15/06/2012 14:39

amother i have tried doing that on so many occassions, but she just changings the subject back to her weight, like she hasn't even acknowledged what i have said.

OP posts:

HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 15/06/2012 14:39

I would go with amothersplaceisinthewrong's suggestion. Treat her like a child that is just rambling on and on.

She sound boring to be honest. Someone I know goes on endlessly about her weight, and dieting, and spinning classes and body pump classes and which size she fits into in each shop. It really gets on my nerves and I have to really keep her at arm's length now as it's all about her, all the time.

HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 15/06/2012 14:40

Well in that case mystupidfriend I would make your excuses and go home. Set a few boundaries in your head about what you will and won't tolerate from her.

Or maybe re-evaluate whether she is really your best friend....

Original poster

mystupidfriend · 15/06/2012 14:41

Yes i want to keep her at arms length myself.

OP posts:

Original poster

mystupidfriend · 15/06/2012 14:42

She hasn't felt like my best friend for quite a while now, and i am starting to wonder whether i really do have time for her, maybe she just needs me to have it out with her.

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