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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

That I should be upset by what my friend has said?

51 replies

mystupidfriend · 15/06/2012 13:40

Basically my best friend has lost two stones, and eversince all she ever talks about is her weight and how she looks, and how what she is buying, and whatever she wears she looks good in. I am very happy for her, and have always encouraged her and supported her when she was losing weight, and when she was on the verge of giving up. Well for the last 10 months i have been very patient with her talking about her weight ( and seriously that is all she goes on about) putting me down in a very subtle way. Recently she seems to have got obsessed, because she is weighing herself everyday, which isn't normal is it? So after listening to her for an hr, i said she might need some proper help before it turns in to anorexia, thats all i said. And she turned around and said " Your just jealous because you can't stand me being thin". I can't believe she would say that, i have listened to her for the last ten months about her weight.

OP posts:
HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 15/06/2012 14:44

She doesn't sound like the kind of person that would be receptive to 'having it out' iywkim. Self absorbed people never are, as they always think they are in the right and find ways to turn it back on the other person.

Original poster
mystupidfriend · 15/06/2012 14:47

hex thats right. She even emails me photos of herself to asme whether she looks good or not, and how slim she is looking. Shock

OP posts:
HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 15/06/2012 14:49

I'd just stop contact with her. She doesn't sound like much of a friend tbh

Original poster
mystupidfriend · 15/06/2012 14:50

hex i have thought about that, and am seriously thinking about doing that.

OP posts:
HipHopOpotomus · 15/06/2012 14:52

then respond "not jealous, I'm really pleased for you with what you have achieved. But there is more going on in the world apart from your weight loss dontchknow? You look great - now it's time to move on and do something different with that skinny arse!"

Original poster
mystupidfriend · 15/06/2012 15:00

I was speaking to her the other day about clothes, and how i was going to buy a string vest ( she had started this subject by the way) she turned around and said, " maybe i should buy a short sleeve becasue my arms might look fat Shock my response well actually they wont, i have nice toned slim arms, her response Hmmmmmmmmmm maybe.

OP posts:
HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 15/06/2012 15:02

She sounds passive aggressive and like she's looking to make put downs all the time. Was she like it about other things pre-weightloss as it isn't usually a trait that just suddenly starts in people

ashesgirl · 15/06/2012 15:05

Sorry I don't think the anorexia comment was wise. So that's why you got an angry response. It is very boring though when people go on about their weight and it does sound a bit odd emailing you the pics.

fedupofnamechanging · 15/06/2012 15:10

This would drive me mad - there's nothing so dull as a successful dieter, except perhaps a reformed smoker/drinker. The friendship has pretty much disintegrated, so you have nothing to lose by telling her to STFU talk about something else.

If you were feeling really bitchy, you could tell her she was looking a bit porky Wink. Unkind, but the little digs at you are equally unkind - someone who knows how horrible it feels to not look the way you want to, should have enough empathy not to dig at other people. if she doesn't have that then the gloves would be off for me. As for when she accuses you of being jealous, say 'why would I be - i am thinner than you!'

NoOnesGoingToEatYourEyes · 15/06/2012 15:11

Not sure I have any advice but a Facebook friend is doing a similar thing right now.

For months she was posting updates about her weight watchers group and how well she was doing, putting up photo's of her awards for hitting targets etc, sharing recipes and photo's of everything she was eating, photo's of herself in the mirror asking if we could tell that she had lost weight or if she looked like she had gained any.

Gradually it became all she ever posted about, she stopped talking about her family and it was all about food and weight loss.

A few people became concerned enough to speak to her when she started posting that she had reached her target weight as far as the group were concerned but wanted to lose a few more pounds just for herself.

The recipes were still being posted, and the photo's of food and if she ever deviated from her diet plan she would put up a status about how she had eaten a handful of crisps or a biscuit and now felt bloated and sick and was crying because she had over eaten on bad food.

She accused the people who spoke to her of being jealous too and she cut them off, saying her only real friends were the ones who she met through her diet group and understood her because they had shared the experience of going from fat to thin. Which was a shame as the reason I know her and lots of others on her friends list is because we met in a bereavement support group so we do share an understanding of loss with her.

Eventually she started posting that she was getting help for an eating disorder because she couldn't stop checking her weight or rationing her food etc and was terrified of putting on even a tiny bit of weight so was still dieting and doing quite an extreme exercise routine too. She was still losing weight and feeling ill because of it.

I think your friend sounds the same. It's great when someone can work so hard to change something they are unhappy with but sometimes it can go from being a healthy thing to an unhealthy one. But if that is the case with your friend, she won't want to hear it any more than my friend did.

Original poster
mystupidfriend · 15/06/2012 15:12

hex no she was actually quite a nice person pre weightloss
ash yes i realised i shouldn't have made that comment, it was unkind
karma yes i think i do need to say the porky bit.

OP posts:
thebetachimp · 15/06/2012 15:14

I used to work with a girl that did the London marathon one year. She lost a load of weight, but she was sooooo boring. Running and losing weight was all that she would talk about. Then she got pregnant and then all she would talk about was being pregnant.

So some people are just really self-centred and want to talk about themselves all the time. They don't care that they're being boring or that their comments might effect other people's self esteem.

In the end, I stopped being friends with her and felt a lot better for it. :)

Original poster
mystupidfriend · 15/06/2012 15:37

I think i might feel better getting rid of her, tbh my self esteem has gone down a bit since her little digs, eventhough i know i shouldn't take her comments to heart.

OP posts:
HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 15/06/2012 17:09

People like that are best cut out of your life, as she will keep chipping at you and bringing you down more and more. I've found that 'friendships' with people like that never end well as they just get more and more nasty with their digs. I had a friend like that a couple of years ago and she kept saying horrible comments, on and on, and I let it go because I thought perhaps she was insecure and in other ways she seemed to be a good friend. She appeared to be very generous and would do things like buy drinks and lunch for DS and I and then sit there and be horrible to/about us the whole time, I guess she did the lunch buying thing to justify her behaviour and to confuse me.

Anyway, she ended up being a total psycho towards me on a girls night out, it was horrible. I've since heard she's done it to another person too.

pjmama · 15/06/2012 17:26

How would she react if you just said something like;
"Of course I'm not jealous, I'm really happy for you that you've done so well. But do you realise that you've talked about absolutely nothing else for the last 10 months and frankly it's wearing a little thin!"
She should at least give you credit for the pun, even if she doesn't see your point of view. Wink

Caitlin95uk · 15/06/2012 17:33

I don't think the anorexic comment was harsh, anorexia nervosa is a mental disorder and the way he's obsessing about weight, food and body image. People can still be a nice weight and anorexic.

Agree with telling her to change the record.

Original poster
mystupidfriend · 15/06/2012 18:00

pj I will say that to her next time, but i know from experience with her, she will put it down to jealousy, tbh whatever i say to her about it, she will put it down to jealousy, a bit immature i think.

OP posts:
ENormaSnob · 15/06/2012 18:36

She sounds really boring.

Original poster
mystupidfriend · 15/06/2012 18:46

Trust me she really has become boring.

OP posts:
CrapBag · 15/06/2012 19:26

God I feel for you!

I have friends who are all on slimming world and it does my fecking nut in!!

When we get together, all I hear about is their bloody diets, what foods have what syns, then the book comes out, then we get commentaries on what foods have what syns and if we all get together and bring something, most of it will have to be 'syn free' and its always pointed out that this is what it is.

It bores me to tears and I find that I am just sitting in silence for some of the time now and I am just getting bored. I actually may start getting up and walking away.

doggiemumma · 15/06/2012 19:29

Well, you don't sound you like her that much anyway, just don't see her. Easy

HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 15/06/2012 21:15

CrapBag I feel for you! My diet obessed friend does SW too and if I hear about bloody scanbran one more time I'll scream!

CrapBag · 16/06/2012 22:00

Oh I haven't heard about scanbran!

Better not bring that one up, I may end up finding out Grin. I just get told about loads of slimming world friendly receipes. NOTE TO FRIENDS- I am NOT on a diet so I DON'T CARE!!!!!

HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 16/06/2012 22:28

Hahahaha

Scanbran, if I remember correctly, is a product they all buy at meetings that, erm, speeds up the digestion process to encourage weight loss. You can make all sorts of cakes etc out of it which my dieting friend raves about but they don't look very nice

accountantsrule · 16/06/2012 22:37

Its not normal to obsess like that or weigh yourself every day - I know its not normal because that is my life!

I was bulimic at 17 and I have issues about my weight as in I constantly look at myself, measure myself and weigh myself. I have hardly ever been over 9 stone in my life so it was never due to being overweight. I have recently put on a stone and am utterly miserable so have hired a PT so I will sort myself out a healthy way as I was considering making myself sick which I have not done for 15 years.

What I am saying is that I take things personally when people say stuff to me about weight issues and I may be short with people etc. I probably talk and think about my weight too often but it is my way of being in control. It makes me cross if people say 'you're lucky you're thin etc etc' as I know I am not lucky, I am just very in control. She may have the start of some eating issues so just tread carefully with her, its pretty common.

On the other hand she may just be being a bit of a cow!!!