Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Original poster

to think it might be better to have your family before starting your career?

136 replies

nailak · 13/06/2012 22:31

I was just reading a thread about a woman who 16 years after her son was born cannot get back in to a field that she has experience in because people would rather hire cheaper newly qualified staff.

So would it not be better to have a family, study while they are young, or before starting a family, then after they are at nursery/school go to work in entry level role?

or am i totally deluded?

OP posts:

EdithWeston · 13/06/2012 22:35

An older relative once told me you should have your babies early, and build your career afterwards, or as late as you dare once you've established yourself so you can go back, but not to worry if it doesn't work like that as there's always a way.

summerintherosegarden · 13/06/2012 22:36

I'm looking forward to seeing responses because I'm sort of - not exactly - in this position.

Whether you're deluded or not depends slightly what career you're after though. By the time you've met the man you want to have kids with, had kids, got them to school age, etc, you might be anywhere from 20-ish to 30-ish (assuming these ages for people who haven't had careers first)

30-ish would be fairly late - though certainly not too late - to train for anything medical.
It would also be tough to get started in a career like law, finance, consultancy, etc that demands an enormous amount time-wise from those at the bottom of the ladder.

StepOutOfSpring · 13/06/2012 22:38

There are so many things to take into account.

Finding the right partner to have a family with
Fertility issues (which people don't always discuss)
Financial situation

etc.

Best not to tell others what they "should" be doing. Everyone has their own individual life circumstances - and you can assume what those are, but you won't necessarily know.

DamnBamboo · 13/06/2012 22:38

There is also another thread about highly-paid females with children going back to work on equal salaries after havng had substantial time off, due to the experience they had prior to having kids.

It really depends on what you do in my view.

naturalbaby · 13/06/2012 22:39

I'm in a very similar position but feeling trapped by 3 very young children. I'm cursing myself for missing 2 chances and doing the right degree/training and not working harder to get the job I really want before I had a baby.

Original poster

nailak · 13/06/2012 22:39

but stuff like law, accountancy etc you can study through open uni anyway surely? so it is not like you choosing between studying and babies, just a degree will take 6 years instead of 3?

OP posts:

DamnBamboo · 13/06/2012 22:40

Nailak if only!

It's really not that simple.

Original poster

nailak · 13/06/2012 22:41

as you may be able to tell, i dont have a career

OP posts:

LynetteScavo · 13/06/2012 22:42

If you have a child when you graduate from uni, and are in your first job, not earning much, how are your going to pay for child care? (I do know people who have done this, but it's not easy)

If you want to be a SAHM in the pre-school years, and not start your career untill you are mid-late 20's then maybe.

I think taking a few years off to be a SAHM will never help your career.

GnocchiNineDoors · 13/06/2012 22:42

The way I look at is I would never want to sacrifice the chance to have a child but I would be prepared to sacrifice the chance of being at the top of my career. Thereforr I stepped back career wise while at my most likely age to have a succesful pg as that mattered more.

If I had built my career up, and then struggled to conceive, I would have never forgiven myself.

summerintherosegarden · 13/06/2012 22:43

You might be able to study some of the courses, but when you actually start working in a law or accountancy firm you might well be looking at 10-12 hour days. How's that going to work with school age kids? I can't imagine it'd be easy either to get a 'serious' degree with babies and/or toddlers in the house!

geegee888 · 13/06/2012 22:43

You never get your youth back, trying to recreate the experiences I had at uni as a young unattached woman would be impossible later on in life with kids. Life isn't only about career and having children but about some things for yourself too.

summerintherosegarden · 13/06/2012 22:44

nailak do you know what career you would like to have? do you have children already or are you debating going into work v. TTC?

Rubirosa · 13/06/2012 22:44

I think it's a fairly good plan.

My mum graduated from uni, then had three kids and stayed at home for the best part of 10 years, then started her career in her 30s (and is now very successful).

I guess I am doing similar - had my ds and am currently studying for an OU degree. Will probably have another baby and wait til they're both 3+ before working full time in a career.

pushmepullyou · 13/06/2012 22:45

I couldn't have done it that way round. Pre DC to build anything like a competetive career in a professional market place then I used to work 50-60 hours a week as a matter of course. Now I've had DC I work not disimilar hours, but am senior and established enough to be able to leave the office at 5:30 and work from home in the evening catching up. There's no way I would have been able to pursue my career fully without pretty much total dedication and flexibility in the early years. And there's no way I would be able to give that with 2 DC without compromising their upbringing to an extent that I'm not happy to accomodate.

Birdsgottafly · 13/06/2012 22:46

It does depend on what you want to do and i think that so many people are changing careers, now days,gone are the 'jobs for life', that no firm statements can be made on what is the best way to do it.

That is why i don't like some of the attitudes towards SAHP's across MN.

Life experience is valued in some jobs, as are the skills learned when parenting.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 13/06/2012 22:49

Different strokes and all that, and it will depend on the career. I had my children early, do a job that fits in with family, and now that my dc are y5 and y7, I still feel like I have plenty of time to go for a professional career if I wanted to.

drcrab · 13/06/2012 22:49

There is a school of thought that says that the current system we live and work within (school, uni, graduate, house, career, marriage...) is v much male orientated. It does not take into account the female biology. If it did, it would indeed look more like have basic education, babies, bring them up, go back to work (still only 25 maybe), have career etc.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 13/06/2012 22:49

I think it is probably quite complicated, but I do think it would be better if there were less stigma against having babies during university. That's a good time for lots of women and I know a fair few who were either heavily persuaded not to apply or to turn down places, when actually they could have made it work perfectly well, so it did get me thinking.

I'm currently at the stage where I will be qualified (hopefully) quite soon, at age 27 (I had a couple of years out but it'd be rare to qualify before 25 anyway). Then with what I want to do, I'd expect to get short, two-year or one-year jobs, which might well last 50-10 years before I got a permanent position. Juggling making an impression/getting a new short-term job with maternity/baby is apparently as much of a pain as you'd think. Lots of people end up having babies in their mid or late 30s, and lots of people get to their mid/late 30s and find they're not able to have babies any more.

I don't honestly know but on balance I've heard more people regretting not having babies before starting the career (while studying), than I've hear people saying they wished they'd done the opposite. In fact everyone I know who's had a baby while studying has said they were told not to do it but it turned out good.

But then ... I think ideally it'd be 'better' to make careers and families as compatible for women as they seem to be for the men I know.

Original poster

nailak · 13/06/2012 22:50

actually i am in the scenario described in OP, by accident not design, i was never focused enough in my late teens/twenties to complete a degree, although i started 4 times, 4 courses at 4 different unis.

So i do have kids, i had my first at 22 she is now 5, and i have two younger ones and one more module left on open uni, and debating what to do next, probably I will do PGCE.

summer i think a lot of people with school age kids work 12 hour days, like teachers? lol (my mum was a teacher). and i think it depends on the person. for me it was a lot easier completing a degree with kids, then without.

geegee a career is for yourself? and some people would prefer to experience things with someone by their side, and not be single and unattatched, and some people prefer different experiences to you.

OP posts:

DialsMavis · 13/06/2012 22:50

I posted on that thread:
I had my DC young, then worked part time/SAHM for a bit.
I have just graduated, DS are 9.5years and 19 months
Entry level jobs round here are in the 18-20k region
If I work full time I will take home 3K less than I would be entitled to in benefits-childcare/tax etc will come to more than I would earn, which we really can't afford (DPs wages not enough for me to be SAHM and I don't want to be).
So, my only option is to work part-time and I will get the same amount as if I was to claim benefits and be a SAHM (I will still have to get tax credits etc to help with childcare).
But,I am 20K in debt from my degree, so I just hope my wages will improve as childcare costs go down and it might be worth it, in about a decade when I am in my 40s
(Feeling a bit stupid and disheartened this evening, so sorry for woe is me )

ThisisaSignofthetimes · 13/06/2012 22:51

Agree with Damn, had my DD at 33, took maternity leave, went back on my terms as I was lucky to have got into an area where I built up knowledge and experience, it was and still is an expanding area. I have moved jobs twice since then and despite both being advertised as full time have agreed part time hours for them. If I had done it the other way around I don't think I would have been in the right place at the right time.

It's not just getting a degree, if you do take 6 years you'll still have no practical experience. When I recruit for my department, I don't take much notice of qualifications except professional post degree ones, and even then I am more interested in what experience the individual has. We don't have time to train raw recruits unfortunately.

DialsMavis · 13/06/2012 22:53

Also, if you build a career before DC you have a reputation in your company and can often work from home/work more flexible hours. You can't walk into perks like that as an entry level graduate

LST · 13/06/2012 22:56

Having children has always come priority for me. I've just turned 22 and I have a 7mo DS. We want to start trying for DC2 when DS is 13 mo.

IMO you have the rest of your life to comb the ladder. But not so long to have a family. Each person is different though.

Jodidi · 13/06/2012 22:57

I had dd1 before I went to uni, childcare would have made it impossible for me to go to uni unless my parents had stepped in to help.

With dd2 I had been in my career for 5 years and just took maternity leave for 6 months. My career has not been affected particularly, other than me not applying for promotions I would have considered before I had her as I would rather spend more time with both dds and have slightly less money.

If I had taken a few years out to be a SAHM (which I would have loved to do if we could have afforded it) then I think it probably would have affected my ability to find a job, but not drastically.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6