to think it might be better to have your family before starting your career?

[nailak]

I was just reading a thread about a woman who 16 years after her son was born cannot get back in to a field that she has experience in because people would rather hire cheaper newly qualified staff.

So would it not be better to have a family, study while they are young, or before starting a family, then after they are at nursery/school go to work in entry level role?

or am i totally deluded?

I agree that it depends on the career. Many young professionals work long hours in the early stages of their career in order to establish themselves. I certainly couldn't have built my career in the way that I did while maintaining some sort of family life at home - I worked the hours that I did because I had no other responsibilities. Now, like pushme, I'm senior enough to be able to work more flexibly, but I also work fewer hours overall.

My motivation is different now, too. I still work bloody hard when I'm in work, and I give it all that I've got. However, since having dd, I don't feel as passionate about work as I once did, and I think it was that passion that carried me through the slog of the early years. Now, I know I'm good at what I do, but I don't actually feel the urge to climb up the ladder as I once did. My work-life balance is too important to me.

I disagree with practical experience bit. Even as a SAHM I have managed to get plenty of practical experience,

School governor, recruiting and interviewing head teacher deputy head, looking at budgets etc,

voluntary roles for charity, counselling women, helping those effected by domestic violence, liasing with other agencies, childcare etc

organising charity events including marketing, creating videos for advertising , budget, sponsorship packages etc,

youth work qualification, which included practical experience, organising youth events and so on

There is so much I have done as a SAHM that has given me experience in so many different fields

YOu know what, you can overthink these things.

I had my first DS when I 29, I was the first by a long-shot to have babies; women in (former) field just don't have babies that young.

I had already finished my education at this point (including PhD) and I just kept going, kids and all (obviously) and i finally took 2 years off after having my DS3.

I am now 37, went back to work after 2.5 years off and received a huge payrise to put me on more money than I've ever been on before.

I worked (not for money) keeping up with my field during my time off so knew what was happening in the industry etc.. but the only reason i earn what i do now is because of my education and experience and there's no way I would have been able to achieve all of this and still climb the ladder had I had my children so young. I worked long hours pre-children and the level of commitment required, wouldn't have been met if I had a family that I needed to get home to.

It's different for different fields of course, I'm just giving you my story.

I hope so! I've got a degree but no real experience - pissed about in a retail job and then got pregnant. I'm 26. I can't help thinking there's not alot of point trying to 'build a career' just now when I'm likely to have another fairly soon. Ideally I'd like to find part time work that will be good experience for just now (can't afford the childcare to work ft anyway) then maybe retrain in a few years time when kids are at school.

yes Jinsei, None of the grad employment agencies would even take me on after I said I could only work 9-5...
DP can do the morning drop offs every day, but never finishes in time to do pick ups at 6pm

nailak I don't doubt that for some jobs that experience is very useful, but I'm talking about very specific technical knowledge and experience you will not have obtained by doing the activities that you have outlined.

Yes i 've got few friends who have done that and they are lots more successful and richer than the rest of us. Having children imo makes you more focused and organised at your studies or work. Also, they 've bought house early.

On the other hand 'older mums' (i'm talking over 40 like myself) can build up savings to cover few SAH years. (And by that time are fed up of working and don't miss it).

So i think the most unlucky ones are those in the middle.

Nailak whilst your experience is plentiful, it would do nothing for you in my field.

The expectation (in my field) is that Juniors have a degree. It doesn't set you apart, it's a pre-requisite.

It's the experience that counts and when there's 54 people applying for one job, running the PTA budget may not be enough.

Not knocking that of course, am on my DSs schools PTA, but I'm just trying to illustrate a point that there is no set rule, it depends what you do, and more importantly, who you're up against each time you apply for a job.

:( dialmavis, it stinks really. I hate the culture in which people are expected to work silly hours. It cuts so many good people out of the workforce, and I don't think people are productive when they work all hours either. But it is expected now in so many fields.

As a manager, I positively encourage flexible working, and I'm open-minded about the kind of experience that people with different backgrounds bring. However, I would recommend that SAHMs who have been out of the workplace for a while do try to do a few practice interviews before they start looking for jobs more seriously - and ask for feedback! I have interviewed (and hired!) quite a few women returnIng to the workplace, and while some of them have been fantastic, quite a few have come across as being very out of touch.

I did it, not by design though.

I had my dd while at med school and am still studying. When I finish she will be 3 years old and I will have a guaranteed job. It's worked out quite well actually.

Medical school can be the best time to have children as afterwards you are working long hours for some time and taking time off becomes more difficult.

Having children young also has its benefits.

So you are working long hours with a very young child splash?

Maybe I've missed something but why do you feel this is the best time to have children?

Had 3 DCs by 26, by then single, worked PT eves weekends in a bar when they were with thier father to pay bills and went to night classes got PT job in chosen career when DC3 started school so could do all school runs be there after school soon as DC old enough to be home alone got promotion and FT job and now have career and will never take mat leave.

So YABU.

I did both, babies ,university , career, own business, babies.

And a big bonus is that if you start your family early you are more likely to have help from family, young and fit gps.

Not forgetting one thing, many people have not met the person with whom they wish to have children, when they're young.

In fact, I would hazard a guess to say that most haven't!

A lot of people don't get the option to design their life like that though, irrespective of whether they think it's the best idea i.e. you have to meet the man if you're gonna have the family first.

Personally if I'd had the choice I'd have gone to uni, worked for a few years, had kids mid-twenties then picked the career back up in thirties.

As it happens, haven't been so lucky in love, so built up my career in twenties and early thirties by proxy. Hoping to have a family asap mid 30s.

This is an interesting one - I personally finished my B.A., then got married and pregnant a couple of months later at age of 21. Started my part-time M.A. when DS was five months old, finished it 6 weeks before DD was born. She is now 13 months olds and I am planning on going back to uni to do my PhD next year as my DS will be at school and will only have to pay childcare for one child. At my uni childcare is subsidised for students not staff and is high quality and next door to my department. I plan on becoming a university lecturer and both my kids will be at school by the time I start working. My department is very supportive towards students with children.
I have been able to fall pregnant quickly and easily by having kids in my early twenties which was one of the main reasons for having kids young after watching family members and friends struggle to get pregnant in their thirties. I have also been lucky enough to have a DH who is seven years older than me with a decent job who has been able to support us all. It would have been significantly harder if we were both students. The downside of having kids earlier is that if your marriage or relationship if crap - you can end up feeling trapped financially and it has been hard for me to be financially dependent on my DH for so long. Our relationship is pretty good on the whole so my gamble of having kids early is working so far apart from a bit of judginess from some people about having kids young and there is still the risk that my career might not take off as planned in my thirties. On the whole it has worked for me because I meet my DH at 18 and we were both keen on the idea.

There's NO WAY I was ready to be a parent in my teens or 20s. I wouldn't have had the patience nor the life experience to do as good a job as I have done she says modestly. Also, I hadn't met dh at that stage in my life.
I love it when my dcs find out I've done x,y, or z, and they have their eyes opened to the fact I haven't spent my entire life "just" being their Mum, too.

Also have to agree about the 'being established' in your career, and being able to be a bit more choosey about jobs and to request PT work or flexible hours or whatever, as you've already built a reputation as being someone they don't want to lose. These perks are rarely open to new people applying for jobs, IME.

My phone keeps freezing so I'm not going to read all

In my experience it's better to have career first
I say this as someone who didn't and now has no hope. Shelf stacking for me. I'm not sure if it's the career or the lack of education and qualifications that's screwed me though.
I'm so pissed off with myself and was musing earlier today about how I wish I had know when I was 11/14/16/18/21 that i was making the decisions that would mould my life.
(don't regret my kids though)

Laquitar, while it is true for some people that you can get more help from grandparents if you have kids younger, it can equally be the case that grandparents are more likely to still be working if you have kids in your twenties than in you thirties. In my coffee group it was the mums in their thirties who had parents providing childcare - the mums in their twenties had parents, like mine, who were busy working full-time during the week. However, until their recent health problems, my parents have been fantastic at weekend babysitting and coming round after work to help out with dinner and baths.

Very good point primi!

The only advice I would give is to find what it is you want to do as a career before you have children. If you've found that at 20/21, then that's great but it's pretty unusual to be that focused that young.

My biggest regret is that although I've worked for 10 years before having my son, I'm considering a change of field now anyway or a kind of transfer sideways if possible so that complicates the issue of getting back into my career again.

People try all their lives to find what it is that they love to do though and some never find it, just as some never meet the right person in life. Either of these two factors complicates the issue of career and family and timing them both perfectly is nearly impossible!

DamnBamboo Wed 13-Jun-12 23:08:35 Its the actual school budget, being a governor, not the PTA budget

That's true primi. I had in my mind my 2 friends who had children early and their mums were not working. I compared it with myself, by the time i had children my mother started having health problems, currently i look after her after she had another op and i still have young children to look after aswell so its hard. Sorry i'm a bit fed up today.

But yes you are right about young gps still working.

Napa
I think that was my problem. I never knew what I wanted to do and was so decidedly average at everything that nothing stuck out. I now feel swamped when I think about it as I got so left behind.
This topic has had me in tears a lot lately and I wish I hadn't logged on tonight

And if only one of my fucking teachers had actually taught me how to write an essay I might not have lost all confidence. I can feel any brains I had seeping out so quickly and silently.