to think it might be better to have your family before starting your career?

[nailak]

I was just reading a thread about a woman who 16 years after her son was born cannot get back in to a field that she has experience in because people would rather hire cheaper newly qualified staff.

So would it not be better to have a family, study while they are young, or before starting a family, then after they are at nursery/school go to work in entry level role?

or am i totally deluded?

Yes Jumping you're absolutely right re equality.

One thing that turned me off my old job was seeing one of the senior women with her children at a 'family day' one summer. It was as if she was a stranger to them - which in retrospect is probably the case, given that she was in the office at least 14 hours a day - and somehow that appalled me more than seeing a similar relationship between senior men and their kids.

I did what the OP describes - had my dd when I was ateenager, then went back to work when she was tiny and worked and studied for my degree. I am now 34 and have a great, well paid career which I love.

There are bonuses - I was able to work and study when I was very young and full of energy (I couldn't cope with that workload now) and luckily was a single parent so could concentrate 100 percent on dd when I wasn't working and didn't have to worry about paying attention to some bloke (this was not by design, he buggered off when dd was a few months old and just had to make the best of a bad job). It was very very hard financially - I was skint for years.

Bonus is I am in my mid 30s now and don't have to worry about starting a family, I would hate to have a baby now as (rightly or wrongly) would consider it would fuck my career.

But - I would say that it was a very hard way to spend my teens and twenties, no frivolity at all, just hard work and responsibility. So - do I regret doung it like that? No. But do I recommend that my 16 year old dd follow the same path? HELL no. Its too hard.

Had kids at age 30, 32, 34 and was qualified before kids and kept going with loads of relevant voluntary work, in fact I became chartered whilst 'not working'. I went back to a decently paid job 2 years ago after an 8 year career break....worked for me.

I could see it could work but for me? Nah.
There was no way I wanted a family before thirty. DH neither.

summerintherosegarden

My mum was a teacher, she worked 12 hours a day, she left home before I left for school at 7.30 (I had to get 2 buses to school) and then she returned home around 7.30 at night, and still had work to do at home.

nailak she was out of the house for 12 hours, not actually at work. I'm talking about 12 hours minimum in the office, add the commuting time either side.

I'm not saying teachers have an easy ride by any means, I'm just saying that in comparison to the jobs I was referring to above their hours are shorter.

ok she worked 11 hour days then, sorry for the exaggeration. and after being home she continued doing work.

Sorry, I was being pedantic. Your Mum was clearly exceptionally committed to her work though.

It is entirely possible to be a teacher and do hours closer to the normal school day, which is typically around 8.30a.m - 4pm at its longest. Of course that would mean not getting involved with clubs, running departments, etc, but my point is that if you need to get away early for childcare it isn't going to be so frowned upon as in certain other careers.

Just to add.. the reason I say exceptionally committed is... I went to a very academic, high achieving independent day school and unless there was a play or similar event on the building was absolutely dead by 7pm!

summer all the teachers in her school worked same hours. they all had to take one xtra responsibilities. it wasnt a choice. It is not a choice to go to planning meetings and make displays and mark work and write reports, it is part of the job.

No teacher leaves at 4pm, when would they have planning meetings and department meetings etc?

Nailak I think you are right. But I lot of bosses would not agree; and they call the shots. Sad

I think its important to recognise that things have changed and its a really rough time out there jobs wise.
I got married young ish and both DH and I cracked on with our careers .
Luckily able to buy a house at 24 - not much chance of that now and we will pay our mortgage off shortly.
I had DC at 28 and 30 - took mat leave and shared care due to work flexibility.
I worked parttime but in a senior role for quite a few years -I agree with those who say its better to have DC when your career is established- it worked for me but ultimately if you really want something you will put the time/effort into it.
I think that its disingenuous to say that the experience of being PTA/school govenor etc will stand you in good stead- not in my experience . I think this is a bit of a myth and doesnt serve women who want to get back to their careers well. Good luck bronze hope it works out for you

Note I said "closer" to the school day, of course none leave at 4pm; however, many do leave well before 7pm and do their marking, lesson plans, etc at home, potentially after DC are in bed if that was how they chose to manage their time.

Anyway, I'm not sure why we're even arguing...as I said, I think teaching is a brilliant profession and teachers do of course work extremely hard but would you not agree that it is easier (note: NOT easy!) to fit childcare around a teaching career than, for example, a consultancy or finance one?

governor

If only life were so simple.

I met DH in our twenties but neither of us were ready for children before our thirties. I spent 10 years in a career which due to forces out of my control is no longer an option.

Bronze - I just wanted to add, your posts are eloquent and I don't believe for a minute you couldn't write an essay. I had to google kinaesthetic -so thank you for that, you learn something new each day.

You have a point. I've dropped several levels in my career since having kids which makes life easier plus I went part time. However I can't see me having the drive and enthusiasm to work my way up again. Maybe I will, when the kids are older but I think, had I had my kids at say 30 or younger, I may have felt more inclined afterwards to work up the career ladder.
Although my decision to have kids late had nothing to do with career and everything to do with not meeting the right partner earlier.

I had DS 2 years after university and DD 2 years later. Was a SAHM and although I expected to go back to work at some point, didn't need to. Then got divorced and thought that if I had to get a job (which I did), it had better be a good one. Interviewed at law firms for a training contract, got one at an ok firm that was located conveniently close to home, went to law school for 2 years, did my training contract and qualified. A year later, got a much better job at a much better firm (further away, where I am now looking to relocate to).

I am 36 now and most of my friends have pre-school children. Mine are 10 and 8 and I cannot imagine having another. I see the next 10 years ahead and, although being a single parent and going to law school and getting through the junior stages of my career (almost!) has been hard, I am quite grateful in a way that I won't have the anguish of wanting a baby. deciding to have one, and then dealing with the stress of sleepless nights and poorly infant while having to hold down a stressful job.

I wouldn't have chosen to have things this way, but as it's turned out, I think I'm better off than the 36 year old childless-and-desperate-to -have-a-baby women I see around me.

I had DC when was 25, now 3 years later im finding it hard to get a job. Was qualified before i had DC, now doing another qualification in the hope that it will prove i want to work in the field...

But there are no jobs for the particular field i want to work in. So even doing what i am at the moment, there is nothing out there for me. Im so depressed about it tonite.

I wouldnt say i regret having DC so young becuase they really enrich my life, make everyday worth living. But on the other hand need money. It really tough.

MN why cant you do jobs forum online where employers can advertise?

I dont think that there is anything to stop my 36 year old childless-and -desperate -to -have -a- baby colleagues having them. They either have them or dont want to .
If you are 36 and a junior (almost) then you will possibly progress to their more senior level while they have children - swings and roundabouts really.

They will have the benefit of employment/sick pay/mat leave/ pension contributions.

I have several friends who are mid-to-late 30s and desperate for kids but with no decent prospect of a partner in sight. "They either have them or don't want to" doesn't come into it.

Fair enough ?? If you dont have a partner then its not a realistic prospect. I was talking in career terms .
If you dont have a father for your child you are unlikely to have one either way - its not down to whether you had a career or not but that you met the right person.

I have had four children and am only now about to go to college and try forge a career for myself.

I sometimes wish I had done things different, stayed on at school instead of leaving in 4th year to a job where I should have eventually become a qualified accountant, but it didnt work out that way. I sometimes think I should have done the career path, been in a good financial position to have maybe bought a house and been better able to support my children by myself.

However I didnt and instead of a degree to show for my 27 years, I have 4 beautiful children instead. I am hopeful that I will have a good career too, even if it is a bit later on in life than most.

I think though, I would encourage my children to go for a career over having children young regardless of what I did myself.

So it doesn't depend on the economy, the job market, the field you're in, only what someone says it's right?

Teapig, I was picking up on what other posters have said, i.e. that to say "if women in their mid-30s wanted kids, they'd have them" is ridiculously simplistic. Few are fortunate enough to meet a man ready for parenthood when they are.

These days, it is rare for a couple to meet in their early 20s and stay together for long enough to build careers and then have a family when both are in their optimal position careerwise. Too often, the relationship falls apart - often because of the woman's desire to have a baby before the man is ready - and the woman then finds herself at 32, 35, or whatever, having invested most of her fertile years in a relationship that wasn't The One. The man of course easily moves on to find a new girlfriend a few years younger and has kids with her. This is not my experience (I had my first child at 25) but is the common experience of many friends.