to not tell others about the ability DD has with reading, writing & maths?

[Emmielu]

3 months ago DD was sent home with a letter saying that she has been noticed to be gifted/talented in literacy & maths. Obviously im very proud of her, told my family & her dad. I've not told any of the mums that im friends with at school because im not the bragging type & tbh how do you announce that without having the feeling like you are bragging.

Following on until today, DD has moved up to YR1 reading books & came running out of school yelling "MUM! IM ONTO YEAR 1 WRITING SENTENCES NOW!" I congratulated her & told her i was proud of her but did catch the eye of a few mums & they didnt look best impressed. I felt awkward. I know kids learn at different rates, i know what they struggle with in one thing they're fantastic with at another & im not saying there is a developmental line that all kids should meet, but now i feel like i should have at least said something to one of the mums im friends with just so that things like this werent made to feel awkward. I know its going to be spoke about but am i really being unreasonable by not saying how well DD is doing to the point of saying "DD is at this level with her reading"? I dont feel like i have to say anything when it comes to talking about how well the kids are doing, i just agree that its a great school & it shows in how well the kids are learning new things.

I used to do the same. YANBU. There is nothing worse than bragging/competitive parenting.

I wouldn't tell the other parents at school. Why would you? Nothing to do with anyone else.

no, you didn't have to tell your friends about it. It isn't something they need to know. Well they know something of it now maybe but it wouldn't go down well IMO if you brought it up

I never tell my friends who have children the same any as mine any details about my childs school performance - it would seem wierd and inappropriate. That is strictly to bore granparents about I think.

They probably already know, if they're anything like the mums at DD's old school - they used to nose in her bookbag to see what level she was on.

FatherHankTree - really? thats horrible. I cant believe they'd go to that extent to know something that isnt their business. Thankfully i doubt they'd have done that. Well i hope.

Saying something would make it more awkward wouldn't it? Or am I missing something?

I wouldn't say anything. My dc's are on G&T, I've never felt the need to say anything, nor have I felt the need to have something said to me by other parents when other children do better than mine at stuff.

They looked less than impressed?

Are you sure you didn't read the 'look' wrong?

It's no-one's business what level your child is on and to be honest (said nicely) I doubt anyone cares as much as you may think.

My DS2 and DS3 are both on the G&T register for various reasons and I honestly think even their friends haven't noticed because they have no reason to.

Be proud of your DD but please don't give anyone else a thought.

YANBU and well done to your DD, you must be very proud.

It's much better to concentrate on what your child is doing and ignore the rest. I overheard a conversation the other between two parents about another child (not their own) and how she couldn't read and how shocking it was,blah,blah. Really awful behaviour to be talking about a little 6 year old girl. I deliberatley don't talk about anything related to what my children or any other child can or can't do.That way there is no competition.

Agree FatherHankTree - I have a friend who does this, the same person who calls me 10 minutes after I eave parents evening trying to find out how my DD got on .Needless to say I take great pleasure in being aloof about the whole thing.

YANBU It is no one's business but yours and tbh some parents can be really bitchy towards able kids.

When my son was 5 and in his first year at primary, he came running out of his class waving his new reading book. It was a novel he was reading with the p5 class (age 9/10.) He was so proud of himself, and rightly so as heworks really hard on his reading. He was crushed when a mum looked down her nose at him and said "That's not really your reading book. There's no way YOU could be reading that?.

I don't shove my DS' ability in others' faces, but at that moment I really wanted to inform her he'd ready the first 3 Harry Potters before he started primary school. Nasty cow.

Trollop - im the same. i dont feel the need to sort of clarify where DD is at in comparason to my friends kids. It hardly ever comes up in convosation about their development.

Worra - its a hard look to explain. Sort of like a "was that necessary?" or a cocky kind of look. I dont know. I just got a bad feeling about it. It was a long given look. A gut feeling i guess.

Emmielu, yes, they'd invite her to tea and then look through reading diary, etc.

TrollopDollop's aloofness is the way to go, otherwise it gets worse/more competitive as they get older.

FatherHank thats really sad. :( are some people really that competitive when it comes to their children?

YANBU. My DD2 is on the G&T register and doing work 4+ years ahead of her year group. I tend to keep it to myself, although other parents do seem to know she's very bright, presumably they work it out for themselves or their kids tell them. her work was used as an example at a recent PTA meeting and several PTA members have approached me to say how clever she is and how lovely her work was to read.

I don't feel the need to boast as I kind of think a bright child speaks for themselves and as I said people do work out which children are bright. The bragging mums that protest that the work is far too easy for little Jemima or that Dominic is a mensa member are generally fibbers IME

Emmielu, unfortunately they are :( One mother complained to the teacher that my DD was on a higher level than her DD and the teacher hauled me in to warn me about bragging, which I hadn't done. It was sorted in the end, but was so annoying at the time.

The thing with looks is that they are really lazy and crap insofar as they leave to you to do the work of interpretation. Honestly, if someone has a problem with you, they need to say it out loud, rather than let you guess by the angle of their neck, or whatever... The only response to such things is to act as if they haven't happened, - no over compensation, no defensiveness, no acknowledgement. Otherwise you dignify them with meaning that the person giving them couldn't be arsed to explain. Thoroughly boring behaviour.

TBH most people know who the bright children are anyway so I wouldn't think it would be that much of a surprise to them - well I should say the CHILDREN know what levels the other children are.

It makes me cross that people are so competitive, I never outright say anything about DS1, I don't feel I should have to lie if someone asks although the last time someone asked after parents evening/reports I wish I had as they were a primary teacher at another school who has a DD in my DSs class and when I told her his writing level she said surely he can't be on that. It wasn't even that high TBH but I felt really stupid and didn't really know what to say.

YANBU. Why should you say anything about it at all? It's no one's business but yours (and your DD's and your DH's, of course). Avoid the competitive parenting brigade at all costs!

My DD used to tell me who the bright ones were anyway! I bet they all know whose on G&T already!

The school should not have actually said that as children often go on the G&T register but are off again within a year when their peers start catching up. It is great that she is doing so well but she is still very little and once others in her class have improved she may not be top any more which will be hard for her the bigger the fuss made of it now.

Just ensure the school and yourself are stretching her a bit academically while still making learning fun. If she does keep her G&T ability then well done her

You should probably have a word with dd about boasting, but the rest shouldn't be an issue. I would no more share information about my dds' SATS levels than I would my income, my mortgage payments, or my method of contraception, and I would be equally surprised if any parent asked me about any of those things.

If they ask, tell them. Good on your daughter for being so proud of herself too, she deserves to be, but make sure she doesnt "gloat" about it to her peers. There was a girl in my class at school who was very advanced for her age group, and her default setting was to inform all her classmates that she was so much cleverer than them..

I was on the same reading, writing and maths level as her too, but I had the sense to keep it to myself even at that age.

Today was the first time since she started school in september last year that she belted it out in the playground. Aside from that its always been at home or on the way home. I dont make a huge fuss, i ask how her day was, if she tells me shes gone up a set i say well done & ask what she has to do now. Its taking basic interest.

There are probably other children in her class or year that are on the same level, but i dont feel the need to ask or want to know. If DD tells me then she tells me.