to not tell others about the ability DD has with reading, writing & maths?

[Emmielu]

3 months ago DD was sent home with a letter saying that she has been noticed to be gifted/talented in literacy & maths. Obviously im very proud of her, told my family & her dad. I've not told any of the mums that im friends with at school because im not the bragging type & tbh how do you announce that without having the feeling like you are bragging.

Following on until today, DD has moved up to YR1 reading books & came running out of school yelling "MUM! IM ONTO YEAR 1 WRITING SENTENCES NOW!" I congratulated her & told her i was proud of her but did catch the eye of a few mums & they didnt look best impressed. I felt awkward. I know kids learn at different rates, i know what they struggle with in one thing they're fantastic with at another & im not saying there is a developmental line that all kids should meet, but now i feel like i should have at least said something to one of the mums im friends with just so that things like this werent made to feel awkward. I know its going to be spoke about but am i really being unreasonable by not saying how well DD is doing to the point of saying "DD is at this level with her reading"? I dont feel like i have to say anything when it comes to talking about how well the kids are doing, i just agree that its a great school & it shows in how well the kids are learning new things.

I think it's a pity that sometimes children feel they must hide their abilities as others might be jealous. I'm sure schools do work hard towards inclusiveness, not bullying etc. so why shouldn't getting on well with those of different abilities be part of this?

Surely children should be encouraged to just accept everyone else for who they are? Or does that actually only mean (rather patronisingly) being "accepting" towards those with a lower ability to oneself?

I don't understand why you have a need to tell another parent about your DD. From reading your initial post you sound as if you're bursting to tell some of the parents your DD is G&T but are pretending you just want to keep it to yourself.

I didn't read it like that Journey. More a case of what do you do if other parents/children find out, when you hadn't intended them to - and then they seem to hold it against you?

I find at the moment as DS is only 6 the children seem excited about clever children and they seem to be the popluar ones although I can see the changes starting I guess as he goes through the years where it is starting to be the more mischevious ones who are becoming more popular!

Oh I know it does happen LeQueen. I can totally understand why you'd like your DD to go to the grammar school - hope it all works out well :)

Nobody should be hiding abilities. That's just not quite the same as being gently reminded that it isn't always the most polite or considerate thing to do to come out shouting about them in everyone else's face.

If you are seriously worried about other parents being horribly competive then it's simple - just don't discuss it with any of them. If they ask you direct questions (which they probably won't) then just be vague or lie, if you feel the need.

Even if it gets mentioned by the children or the teacher if front of other mums you are not obliged to explain or clarify or justify.

"although it's nice to be clever, it's more clever to be nice. She doesn't brag, apparently, and if anything often hides her light under a bushel, in order to fit in with her friends. She doesn't want to be different to them, she wants to belong."

Understand this, but not sure it's actually a good message, or true. Being "nice" shouldn't have to mean hiding being clever, or be more important than doing as well as you can.

Have not read all threads but DD1 August baby was put up a year at 5yrs basically she was not socially mature enough to cope and was not happy. Fortunately a year later we moved area and she went back to her age group. She still managed to do her GSCE's a year earlier

OP not sure of the issue here? Your DD made a comment about sentences (I wouldn't know what YR1 sentences means and presumably neither would some others) and you thought people were unimpressed. Did you want them to be impressed? You have said you hadn't talked to them about your DD's abilities because people learn at different rates etc - are you doubting that decision now? Why? - Because they weren't looking impressed at your DD? - I don't get it!

Your options are:

-continue as you are, they can continue not to look impressed - do you care? Do they?

-advise them of your daughters abilities and hope they look more impressed next time

-advise them of your daughters abilities and accept that they may not give two hoots

I don't understand the issue that people didn't look impressed at your dd's sentences achievement - am I missing something?

It's not an achievement. It's a statement of her needs and an adjustment of her challenges. It's a different track at the start of a very long journey that your DD has been put on. She is not at her destination yet.

It wouldn't just be social suicide for you, it would affect her perception of herself and her relationship with her own academic abilities.

As LeQ describes, having bright children can be a minefield. I sincerely hope that it never seriously crossed your mind to tell people about this and I hope you haven't told your DD about her label either.

Having bright children is nice, and it's fine. Don't make a problem where there isn't one.

If you think this is bad with the other parents now, wait until year 6 and the secondary school debate :)

The uproar caused when the other parents found out dd had sat and passed the exam for our selective grammar!
We were the only ones who went for the exam and I was quizzed for about 3 weeks afterwards.
what level did she get on her SATS? Why didn't you tell anyone else about this school? Was she tutored?

Not too much fun tbh.

And without wishing to burst your bubble, being on the G&T register is not necessarily a sign of anything much at all. Encouraging though it is, working at year 1 level for literacy in Reception is hardly a mark of genius.

Of course she may be exceptionally clever and talented, and good luck to her if she is. But don't take the G&T register alone as evidence of this. Look into what being 'G&T' actually means in real terms. My nephew was lablled G&T for some subject or other at his very mediocre secondary school. I don't think he has a grade higher than C for anything at GCSE, and his core subjects were all taken at foundation level.

I am not saying that to have a dig at you - just to warn you gently that misunderstanding what G&T means in a state school context is a classic mistake of many a novice parent. But if she is very clever then you would do well to mention it as little as possible to her, and to other parents. She is just her, and it's no-one else's business.

I agree Hilly.

My middle DD was bright, other two DCs not as.

Looking back I didn't praise DD enough as I was worried about jealousy by the other two. She was also the hardest working at school so I should have made more of that. You are just born with the brains you are born with but applying yourself hard deserved more praise.

"If a child came out of school proud that he had made the football team or winning a race, would you tell then to be quiet about it.
I don't understand the concept that it is ok to succeed at sport, but not academically."
Actually, yes, I would. I try to encourage "sportsmanlike" ( ghastly word but I can't think of another) behaviour in my children. Don't bellow your new reading level, or team selection until we are safely in the car. You have no idea who you are standing next to- and it's hqrd enough to deal with not being selected for the team without little Jimmy going on about how he has been.

It's fantastic to celebrate any achievement- but tact and sensitivity are useful lessons too.

And for those who think that children never do this sort of thing on purpose to rub a classmate's nose in it- well, keep watching.

first why would you tell anybody and 2nd well done your daughter .
My eldest DD was advanced in primary i didn't brag tell anybody it is nothing to do with anybody else perhaps more parents should keep their childrens levels to themselves there wouldnt be so much competative parenting and gossiping . of course be proud and dont play it down but being humble is better IMO, we dont have Gifted and talented in scotland i don't really understand how it works

Nobody is going to have a problem at all with her being bright - there will be other children in the class on the G&T register, and the fact you don't know who they are should tell you something!