Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not tell others about the ability DD has with reading, writing & maths?

96 replies

Emmielu · 13/06/2012 18:41

3 months ago DD was sent home with a letter saying that she has been noticed to be gifted/talented in literacy & maths. Obviously im very proud of her, told my family & her dad. I've not told any of the mums that im friends with at school because im not the bragging type & tbh how do you announce that without having the feeling like you are bragging.

Following on until today, DD has moved up to YR1 reading books & came running out of school yelling "MUM! IM ONTO YEAR 1 WRITING SENTENCES NOW!" I congratulated her & told her i was proud of her but did catch the eye of a few mums & they didnt look best impressed. I felt awkward. I know kids learn at different rates, i know what they struggle with in one thing they're fantastic with at another & im not saying there is a developmental line that all kids should meet, but now i feel like i should have at least said something to one of the mums im friends with just so that things like this werent made to feel awkward. I know its going to be spoke about but am i really being unreasonable by not saying how well DD is doing to the point of saying "DD is at this level with her reading"? I dont feel like i have to say anything when it comes to talking about how well the kids are doing, i just agree that its a great school & it shows in how well the kids are learning new things.

OP posts:
EverybodysSleepyEyed · 13/06/2012 20:22

My DS (Yr R) tells me what his friends are reading. One of his friends is on chapter books apparently and DS wistfully talks about when he will be reading chapter books like X. He sees it as an incentive and he is proud of his friend!

I couldn't really care less. I've never understood the point of comparing your kid to the rest of the class. If you changed school your child may be top of the class, but bottom at another school. It is a very small cohort!

ontheedgeofwhatever · 13/06/2012 20:30

Don't blame you for not wanting to discuss it some parents can be horribly competitive.

Your dd sounds really bright and you've every right to be proud of her. Different schools work different ways. DD in year 1 for example has been reading year 2 books and doing their maths since around the second half of the Easter term but from what she says this applies to 6 or 7 children and others are catching up quickly. No one has suggested she's G&T though its just the way the school works with a lot of overlap between years. In other schools its much rarer though for children to be working ahead

Adversecamber · 13/06/2012 20:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

katamongthepigeons · 13/06/2012 21:28

Methinks you may have shot yourself in the foot........ Isn't this thread really a form of stealth boast? You are asking if YABU not to tell people, yet you are posting on MN Hmm

So, actually, YABU!

Original poster
Emmielu · 13/06/2012 21:43

umm, no. im asking because i know that some parents get competitive over things like this & i dont want to cause any arguments or negative feelings between any of the mums im friends with. If i was on here to boast dont you think i would have mentioned DD's ability an awful lot in posts to do with primary education & childrens development?

OP posts:
Xmasbaby11 · 13/06/2012 21:46

I think you did the right thing. It's no one else's business. I would only mention it to others if it directly came up in conversation and you were cornered.

katamongthepigeons · 13/06/2012 22:32

So you post on the busiest forum.......

Really, so innocently?

"I have such a gifted and talented child and I don't want to upset anyone by talking about it because I'm so nice and ........"

StepOutOfSpring · 13/06/2012 22:42

YANBU :) Just ignore anyone who gives a strange look. What sort of person makes a bitter or jealous "look" about something a child has said anyway? Hmm They should mind their own business.

WhereMyMilk · 13/06/2012 22:49

It's like when the Sats results come out and mad, boasting mums come on threads with "Can someone explain what a level 7 is my poor Jemima only got one and the rest were 6's"

StepOutOfSpring · 13/06/2012 23:00

Emmielu I didn't read it as a "stealth boast" at all. What a shame some people are so cynical. Can't see why anyone would be interested in "boasting" to a load of strangers on the internet? Surely any boasting would only be useful if it was to people you actually knew, whose longer-term opinion mattered to you - rather than us lot on here! :o

These threads are useful because you can talk openly about your situation and get unbiased opinions. Children ahead of their peers, and their families, are indeed at risk of bullying from a jealous, busybodying minority. You have every right to want to discuss this topic here.

ProfessionalProcrastinator · 13/06/2012 23:05

oooh read this Seems to be a pretty common response Confused

lovebunny · 13/06/2012 23:10

don't tell them anything you don't want to. but it will get round, anyway.

daughter was g+t. she was bullied at school - not just by pupils, but also by teachers.

noseynoonoo · 13/06/2012 23:23

I understand where you are coming from but please dont worry. My DD is in reception and is on the gold reading band and there have been discussions about G & T. The EYFS teacher said it was important not to let people know in case it upset them (!) however word does get round and no one has been snidey about it. I do generally play it down if it is mentioned but at the same time I shouldnt belittle her achievements so it`s a balancing act.
All this though is probably a good way to work out who the nice mums are.

skybluepearl · 13/06/2012 23:38

I wouldn't bother saying anything unless it was to a close friend and it was said in context without bragging. My eldest was a free reader by the end of reception and I never mentioned it but people were always saying how literate he is.

Jinsei · 13/06/2012 23:41

You're overthinking this, I think OP. I doubt that the other parents will think that much about it, but yanbu to not want to discuss your dd's achievements with other parents, it's none of their business.

I don't think the school have handled things very well from what you've said. For example, I think it's a mistake to send out G&T letters in reception as so much can change in the early years. I would also be a bit Hmm about describing work as "year 1" work etc. What the hell is a year 1 sentence anyway?! Confused

Your dd is obviously doing really well, and hopefully this will continue as she moves up the school. I find that most other parents mysteriously know who the "clever kids" are, so if they push for details, they're probably horrendously competitive. The best policy is not to engage in any discussion - just smile and say yes, we're really pleased with how well she's doing.

manicinsomniac · 13/06/2012 23:43

YANBU

I am the G&T coordinator at the school where I work and I don't even tell the parents of the children who are on it that they're G&T. Strictly against policy and only leads to gossip, bragging and resentment.

Jinsei · 13/06/2012 23:51

manicinsomniac, very wise in my view. No need for the parents or the children to know. I wish all schools would stick to this policy.

Our reception teacher let slip that dd was "on the list", but we didn't have a formal letter until year 2 when the school wanted to highlight some particular resources. I was a bit Hmm about the letter that they sent home informing us of this - it wasn't in an envelope and so dd had already read it before I even received it. She already knew that she was clever, but I wasn't at all happy about her attaching the label "gifted" to herself. I know the school was trying to meet her needs, and I am of course grateful for that. Just wished that they could have been a bit more discreet.

Whatmeworry · 13/06/2012 23:59

Keeping absolutely quiet about kids abilities is best, but the other kids always know and the sort of parents who want to know will find out.

Best to do what you did today - that's marvellous, well done - now, what about ....

manicinsomniac · 14/06/2012 00:03

Jinsei - we had an inset day where we heard the (apparently true) story of a secondary who had spent a fair amount of money making neon green wristbands with G+T printed on them in bold black lettering. The clip for these wristbands was a USB stick thing!

Apparently they thought the children would find them useful. I'm sure the children did. I'm equally sure that all the children would!

Toughasoldboots · 14/06/2012 00:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Jinsei · 14/06/2012 00:12

Shock That's dreadful, manic. I would be mortified if dd came home with something like that!

beansmum · 14/06/2012 00:38

What was the question? Should you have told the other mums what level your dd is at? Um, no. Why would you? Do they tell you what level their kids are at?

People are weird.

Fantail · 14/06/2012 02:11

YANBU. One of our friends loves to post videos of her 22 month old son on Facebook counting, recognising numbers etc. She gets upset if people don't comment (has asked me if I am jealous because DD 15 months only speaks a handful of words).

You are entitled to be proud of your DD's achievements and she is too.

GwendolineMaryLacey · 14/06/2012 04:54

"You should probably have a word with her about boasting"

Really? Hmm Or maybe she's just a small child excited about something?

DD1 starts school in Sept, is this what I have to look forward to? Do people really give two tosses what someone else's child is doing? Weird.

DoingTheBestICan · 14/06/2012 05:16

You don't come across as boasty to me one of the mums in school is very passive boasty,one such gem from her was
"oh X has 6 books to readthey take so long to read because he is on level 8 now,I wish the school would stop sending them home every other day"
I really do not get into this bragging malarkey as they all seem to level out eventually apart from the exception.