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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU & WWYD DH & DD1 motorbike trip....

193 replies

Babylon1 · 13/06/2012 03:27

DH and dd1 (7yo) are planning to go off to top of Scotland on DHs motorbike for approx a week in July.

I'm shit scared something bad will happen while they are away, and the last few nights it's played on my mind :(

DH says I'm bring daft and they'll be fine. He is a safe rider, but it's other road users that bother me.

DD has been on bike before, she has ALL the necessary safety wear and is comfortable on the bike. They will be doing a mixture of camping/travel inn and b&b.

Do I let her go? I will be at home with small DCs during this trip.

OP posts:
mumblechum1 · 13/06/2012 03:32

If it were me I'd be saying that it's great that they're going to have some daddy/daughter bonding and hope they have a fantastic time but I'd prefer it if they went in the car.

I can absolutely understand your concerns and although I'm normally excessively laid back I would be very uncomfortable about this.

Original poster
Babylon1 · 13/06/2012 03:36

DH wants to go on the bike as one last adventure before he sells it Smile

We have a camper van too and plan to spend more family time in that.

OP posts:
sasamunde · 13/06/2012 03:42

Oh dear I would be really unhappy about that too. Not worth the risk. Is there anyone else that can have a word with your OH about it too? I would canvass some family opinion to see if he can be talked out of it.

mumblechum1 · 13/06/2012 03:43

Then I think I'd be reduced to googling statistics about the likelihood of accidents on such a long journey, probably in pissing rain unless something changes unexpectedly with the weather, and does your dd know how arse-aching a long journey on a motorbike could be?

Ultimately, she's his dd and he has as much right to decide as you do, but I would present the statistics to him and ask how he would feel if anything awful happened to her.

MrsTerryPratchett · 13/06/2012 03:58

I have wondered whether to post this, I don't won't to have you lose more sleep... I was at a set of lights last year and there were two Harleys single file in front of me. A car ran the red light from the cross street and threaded the needle between the bikes. The man in the car had had a stroke or something and he ran into the car opposite. The guy he hit (in the car) wasn't hurt. If he had hit one of the bikes, they could have died. It really horrified me and made me think about the 'safe' bikers I know. An accident can happen and bike riders are very exposed. It really wasn't anyone's fault. The car driver was being assisted by the paramedics afterwards and they thought he was semi/unconscious when he ran the light. Very scary.

sashh · 13/06/2012 04:31

Let them go, she will be better protected than a child running out into the road.

Original poster
Babylon1 · 13/06/2012 08:35

Such a hard decision to make. Sad

They will have a fantastic time, and statistically they are more likely to come to harm doing DIY at home BUT there's always that chance Sad

DH is safe, I know that. But very exposed, and you can't account for the actions of every other road user.

Oh god, what do I do?? DD is so excited to be going on an adventure with daddy, and he is so excited too. I think it will break both their hearts if I say noSad

OP posts:
TidyDancer · 13/06/2012 08:38

I wouldn't be happy about this. I don't care if that makes me sound overprotective. I don't agree that it is overprotective, I think it's sensible.

I'm sorry, I don't think that's helping you at all.

I think you need to stress to both of them (DH and DD) that you are very excited for them to go off on an adventure, but that you want them to take the car.

dexter73 · 13/06/2012 08:39

I think you should let them go on the bike. You can't live your life being worried about being killed.

squeakytoy · 13/06/2012 08:42

Providing he is a safe rider then they are not going to be at much risk up in the wilds of scotland. The biggest dangers to bike riders are cars pulling out of side streets and not seeing them at junctions.

I can understand your concerns, but let them go. :)

TiddlesTheNaughtyTortoise · 13/06/2012 08:48

I have a friend who had a minor accident on his bike. He lost two fingers from each hand. He had all the necessary safetygear too :(

I'd be v unhappy about the trip if it was me. Have you told your dh exactly how you feel?

I think the campervan is the sensible option tbh, especially in this weather.

Could you knobble/sabotage the bike?

Snorbs · 13/06/2012 08:50

Could you knobble/sabotage the bike?

Shock Are you serious?

LST · 13/06/2012 08:54

I'd definitely let them go. I used to go all over with my dad when I was younger. My DP, DB and DF all have bikes. I think Uts inevitable DS is going to want a go.

ExitPursuedByABear · 13/06/2012 08:55

Really difficult one. It would be a fabulous experience for them both, but as others have said, you cannot account for the stupidity of other road users (and I speak as horse rider) and bike riders are so exposed and vulnerable if something happens.

I was once sat on the grass at the the top of Great Orme with my mum and my DD who was about 2 at the time. A motor bike appeared with two leather clad figures astride. When they dismounted and removed their helmets, it was a chap with his DD who must have been about 12. They looked so happy together and were obviosly having a wonderful time.

My DD is now 12 and has started riding her loan pony out on the roads. My heart is in my mouth the whole time she is out.

Your call......

hackmum · 13/06/2012 08:55

"Let them go, she will be better protected than a child running out into the road."

Is that the alternative? Either she goes on a motorbike to Scotland or she runs out into the road?

enimmead · 13/06/2012 08:56

7 does seem young to be on the back of a bike for a long time TBH

But your DH does know how his daughter rides and I would hope he would never take chances.

Motorbikes are more dangerous than cars - but you still have to look rationally at the level of risk that actually exists - a bit like the thread on the defibrillator on here recently.

It does sound like a great trip - can you keep your child wrapped in cotton wool? Would you let her go on a sailing boat? It could capsize? On a rock climbing adventure?

Life is risky - but it can be fun. I guess the balance has to be found somewhere and that's something you and your DH have to find.

halcyondays · 13/06/2012 08:57

I wouldn't be too happy. Why don't they use the campervan instead?

Magneto · 13/06/2012 09:00

I wouldn't let them go. Don't you have to hold on to stay on a motorbike? What if she lets go? Or gets tired, or needs to scratch her nose? She is only seven IMO that's too little to fully understand the safety rules.

LST · 13/06/2012 09:00

People go are saying 'why don't they use the car/campervan' it won't be at all the same. I suspect your DD is excited about going on the bike with her dad?

Callisto · 13/06/2012 09:01

I don't know, 7 seems so very young to be on the back of a bike, and no matter how safe a driver your DH is, it is the other idiots on the roads that are the risk. I do think they will be safe in Scotland as the roads tend to be so much quieter, but there are some busy roads to get there so I guess it would depend where they are coming from. We are in the Cotswolds and there is no way I would want DD on the back of a bike on the M5, M6 etc, especially going past Birmingham - it's scary enough in a car. But if you live in or near Glasgow/Edinburgh or further north, then I probably wouldn't worry too much (well I would, but ykwim).

DowagersHump · 13/06/2012 09:05

It's not the riding around in Scotland that would worry me, it'd be the getting there. How long will it take them? Will they be going on the motorway?

TiddlesTheNaughtyTortoise · 13/06/2012 09:07

snorbs I meant sabotage the bike so it couldn't go anywhere, not so as it would breakdown halfway there. And no, I wasn't being totally serious, it was somewhat tongue in cheek.

gettingalifenow · 13/06/2012 09:11

I'd bea definite 'no'. DH has always had motorbikes and until the kids were about 12 I jdidnt let them on the back even for a rides round town. For me, 7 would have been way too young for a long journey. God knows I hate being on the back myself - sitting still and staring at DH's back for miles on end....

WithACherryOnTop · 13/06/2012 09:29

I wouldn't allow it.I wouldn't even consider it.

Rabbitee · 13/06/2012 09:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.