to hate my husband's new found faith?!

[Tilly80]

I've been married for 8 years and my husband had never shown an interest in religion. When our DD (now 4) was only one and half my DH suddenly found Christianity. He said he'd had visions in his dreams and that God spoke to him! At first I was supportive and went along to his baptism. I found it strange but it didn't affect us as a couple/family.

A few months after his baptism he started going to a Russian Orthodox church every Sunday. When I told him I found it hard coping for about 5 hours on a Sunday alone with DD and a dog to walk we had a huge row and he said he'd sacrificed enough for this family and he needed his own time. (When do I get my own time?!)

We had awful rows for quite a while and I felt completely trapped as, working part-time, I can't afford to support myself and DD. I've put up with this for 2 years now. He now takes our DD every Sunday too, which gives me a break, but I don't like her being influenced by it all. It's all so intense (I went once and it's not like a 'normal' church if that makes any sense!) He was also desperate to have our DD baptised at this church (and himself again!) and although I didn't want her to be, I had to agree to save the rows.

Every night he reads faith books (before, we used to watch TV together). I feel sick inside when he reads them as I feel like he's getting brainwashed. I know that sounds extreme but I find it all so weird! This has come out of the blue and it seems to dominate his life. I dread Sundays and I hate him and DD going to this church. My DH wants nothing more than for me to join them, but it's not my thing at all. I'm worried this is now my life - feeling sick to the stomache with his religion.

If anyone can give some advice or has experience with something like this I'd love to hear from you!

I find it interesting that the people saying that religion can't be tolerated because it is "sexist and homophobic" are obviously harbouring deep prejudices of their own.

Oh where can the op have gone?

I, for one , would have to call it a day if my previously atheist husband suddenly got religion. Second only to taking up golf or voting Tory, frankly. (Just checking, this is AIBU, isn't it and not Relationships?)

yellowraincoat It was a dream that he acted on.

I once had a dream where Johny Depp told me he wanted to eat cherries out my navel. It doesn't mean i am hearing voices.

cantspel he said he has visions and that God spoke to him. That is not a dream.

Cantspel - that sounds like quite a dream!

YANBU and he does sound like he's being a bit whacky to me too.

Where are you didoreth? ( Virtually I mean, not geographically) I haven't heard that word for years, my Mum used to accuse me of looking didoreth when I was looking a bit hopeless and loafing about. Sorry about the hijack.

If this were an episode of House, he'd have lupus sarcoidosis a brain tumour. Visions, ffs.

The op said had visions in his dreams. That is a dream

GothAnneGeddes It did tent to make me think of cherrys in a different light

Do you often describe your dreams as visions, then? Because I know I don't, and nor does anyone I've ever spoken to.

Oh dear , I also remember this from before and think you are getting tge same mixed views as before. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks, it's up to you and what you can live with.

Oh they always have a brain tumour in House. Either that or a parasite.

Btw I do think you'd be better off in relationships.

I respect anyone for following a faith (with the exception of the zealous, right-wing, homophobic, sexist, racist and literal interpreters of the Bible who make up the more fundamentalist Christian cults) but I'd be rather taken aback to discover that all the foundations of a relationship had shifted so dramatically.

I don't think the OP's dh is necessarily ill but he doesn't seem to be at all interested in understanding the effect of his conversion on her and I'd have difficulty maintaining a relationship in those circumstances.

It is just termanolgy. He had a dream

A true vision would be if he saw a burning bush in tescos or if the local bus driver turned into Jesus and started singing Come, follow me.

So far NORTHERN LURKER is the person on this thread who seems to have provided the best context/a view from the pews as to what it means to be a person of faith.

I would describe myself as 'religious' and can relate to Northern's last post in terms of prayer. I would not describe myself as evangelical christian although we do have friends who are. We also have lots of observant Muslim, Shikh, and Jewish friends so I feel like I have a window into the sort of lifestyle the OP's husband has gone in for.

My husband and I share the same religious views. It's one of the main ways of looking at the world we share. OP I agree it would be very very hard to be married to someone whose views were radically different esp if you'd married them thinking that they thought a certain way. YANBU.

OP despite my general sympathy with a faith based life, this is what would worry me about your DH:

1. The sudden conversion that others have mentioned. Was there soem sort of trigger.
2. Moving from one church to another, the two baptisms. There is a cultural component to the Russian Orthodox thing as well which makes me wonder a bit what he is REALLY looking for, where's the gap?
3. The God speaking to him thing should be explored more. Getting the details of what he's said about this is important - I wouldn't totally rule out a mental health issue either (unless maybe his family was quite religious and he's 'gone back' so to speak to that way of thinking..)
4. The me time component - as Northern said, it's completely possible to live a faith based life and not be a prat. Five hours is a long time and if it's cutting into your family life he can't dismiss those concerns out of hand. It can't just be that the solution is for you to come too - it's not that there's anything WRONG with Russian Orthodoxy but it is asking you to take on a new faith, with cultural overtones, which frankly has sod all to do with your upbringing. It's not like you've both been sort of raised CoE and he's started to engage more with it - for instance.

There are some very strong links between religion and mental illness. I am just trying to find links.

He's the one framing it as a vision. That's how he experienced it, as some sort of communication with God.

www.rcpsych.ac.uk/pdf/Elizabeth%20Cosgrove%20Religious%20devotion.%20A%20risk%20factor%20for%20mental%20illness.x.pdf

1st one. Not read it all, but it relates to OCD. From Royal collegeof Pyschs

Having a communication with God doesn't mean you have a mental illness.

He found religion over 2 and a half years ago after his dream. If he was mentally ill then i think it would have manifested its self in alot clearer ways by now.

suite101.com/article/ocd-scrupulosity--mental-disorder-of-religious-preoccupation-a327906

The word to describe it is scrupulosity. Didn't Joan of Arc have visions? Wasn't it realised in a more modern age that she had schizophrenia?

If DH took up golf and he said Tiger Woods talks to him in his dreams, we'd have words. Similar with Toryism and if Dave appeared to him in visions.

No one said it does, but saying God is talking to you and then becoming obsessed with it when there was previously no interest sounds unstable to me.

he said he'd sacrificed enough for this family

although I didn't want her to be [baptised], I had to agree to save the rows

OP these are the things that would bother me. Regardless of his reasons, this sounds like bullying behaviour.

It sounds like there is not going to be room for compromise.

I can't see a future for you together like this.