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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my Mum is being a bit selfish?

90 replies

KoyKarp · 11/06/2012 14:06

DH and I go out three times a year, for a meal on our anniversary and for birthday meals. My mum babysits for the couple of hours we are out as we don't have much money at the moment.

We have asked her to babysit for a couple of hours this week (not bothered which night) so we can go out for a meal, we have had a hard few months and both need a break and some time to unwind away from the house.

My mum has said no and I feel this is a bit selfish. She lives 10 mins away and we are always doping her favours, we cook her a roast dinner every week without fail (and just cooked for her friends two weeks in a row too) and DH is often called round to help her move things or run errands for her.

AIBU to expect her to help out for a couple of hours?

OP posts:
AnyoneForTennis · 11/06/2012 14:08

What were her reasons?

SquirtedPerfumeUpNoseInBoots · 11/06/2012 14:08

YABU to "expect" her to babysit your children.

YANBU to ask her to.

more · 11/06/2012 14:09

is it a no as never going to happen, or no can't do this day but how about the day after?

LaurieFairyCake · 11/06/2012 14:09

Depends what the reason is - if you said which night would be convenient rather than expecting her to drop stuff for you then maybe you're not.

FredFredGeorge · 11/06/2012 14:10

YABU - just get someone else. Sure it's a shame she can't... you'll have to explain your expectations on cooking food for her requires her to pay you back - she probably wasn't aware it was that sort of deal.

Petsinmypudenda · 11/06/2012 14:10

Can you not hire someone?

DuelingFanjo · 11/06/2012 14:10

yabu to expect anything. It's would be nice if she helped but you are wrong to expect it.

Did she have any reason to refuse?

halcyondays · 11/06/2012 14:11

Did she say why?

Original poster
KoyKarp · 11/06/2012 14:11

She has a friend staying who she says turned up uninvited and now plans to stay until next week... She was moaning about her but now she has been asked to babysit can't possibly leave her... This is teh same friend we cooked a huge meal for yesterday.

My Mum is never happy to babysit, we are very lucky that she will do it the three times she does.

OP posts:
TheSurgeonsMate · 11/06/2012 14:12

While you're at it, see if you can track down an odd job man too, so she has the number next time she's looking for some help.

DuelingFanjo · 11/06/2012 14:12

Ask her to babysit the week after then...

Babylon1 · 11/06/2012 14:13

Need more info really Smile

You shouldn't EXPECT your mum to babysit, but it's not an unreasonable request.

Has your mum said why?

Petsinmypudenda · 11/06/2012 14:13

She doesnt like doing it and yet you still ask her?Hmm

TheSurgeonsMate · 11/06/2012 14:13

Ok so that's a bit different, isn't it.

Callisto · 11/06/2012 14:14

Why should she automatically be happy to babysit though? I would absolutely hate to babysit for a friend/family which is why I always pay for a babysitter.

AnyoneForTennis · 11/06/2012 14:14

So she is busy

Hire a babysitter?

Original poster
KoyKarp · 11/06/2012 14:14

I just feel that we do an awful lot for her and it wouldn't hurt for her to return the favour. It makes us feel a bit used, the fact we are always on hand for her and she is very rarely there for us.

OP posts:
Charliefarlie1192 · 11/06/2012 14:15

yanbu op, I think part of her being YOUR parent is to help out once in a while

bogeyface · 11/06/2012 14:16

You seem to think that she should want to babysit just because she is your mum. She doesnt have to, it is a choice and unfortunately you just have to accept it.

It would be nice if she would do it for you, especially as you do seem to do alot for her, but if she wont then she wont.

Having said that, YANBU to think she is being selfish, I think that she is if she takes and takes but rarely gives back.

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 11/06/2012 14:16

YABU - they are your kids not hers !

Do what most people do and get a babysitter!

DuelingFanjo · 11/06/2012 14:17

oh so she doesn't want to babysit? then I think you need to find someone else to do it.

YABU

Babylon1 · 11/06/2012 14:17

Sorry posted too slow!

If you know your mum isn't happy babysitting for you ever, I'd take any opportunity to find another sitter who is happy and reliable - ok you may have to pay for that service.

FWIW my parents aren't the most willing babysitters so therefore I just don't ask anymore. Too much like hard work!!

accountantsrule · 11/06/2012 14:17

If my mum didn't erally want to babysit I wouldn't even ask her the 3 times a year and I would have big concerns about our relationship TBH.

It seems odd to be that a GP does not want to be more involved but its her decision and I am assuming you are not that close really? She sounds quite selfish!

SandStorm · 11/06/2012 14:17

But she has a friend staying with her! Imagine how you would feel if you went to stay at a friend and they abandoned you to babysit for someone who lived round the corner and had no absolute need to go out that particular week.

bogeyface · 11/06/2012 14:17

Perhaps now would be a good time for you to start saying "no" occasionally? Perhaps you could cut back on roast dinners and put the money aside to pay for a sitter Wink