To think my Mum is being a bit selfish?

[KoyKarp]

DH and I go out three times a year, for a meal on our anniversary and for birthday meals. My mum babysits for the couple of hours we are out as we don't have much money at the moment.

We have asked her to babysit for a couple of hours this week (not bothered which night) so we can go out for a meal, we have had a hard few months and both need a break and some time to unwind away from the house.

My mum has said no and I feel this is a bit selfish. She lives 10 mins away and we are always doping her favours, we cook her a roast dinner every week without fail (and just cooked for her friends two weeks in a row too) and DH is often called round to help her move things or run errands for her.

AIBU to expect her to help out for a couple of hours?

Yanbu

Your mum is a taker.

I would hate to have visitors every weekend and be expected to cook a roast dinner for them. I think she isn't being unreasonable to say no to your babysitting request if it's inconvenient. i wouldn't go out and babysit if I had a friend round, even a friend I wasn't keen on.
I think you should only do the things for her that you want to do, so if weekly roasts are a chore just do it now and then once a monthish. Only do errands for her that are convenient etc.

YABvU! She has someone staying with her, of course she can't babysit.

YANBU. Its true that you shouldn't automatically expect your mum to babysit but I don't think a few times a year is much to ask at all, especially given the amount of support that you provide for her.

Unless for some reason she finds caring for your DC stressful I think it is selfish of her to refuse to babysit (albeit next week when her friend has gone, rather than this week).

I agree with the posters who have suggested that you make some savings related to the things that you do for your mum, in order to save up enough money for a babysitter.

I dont understand why you think a relationship between your DCs and your DM is so important. My GPs were distant so I seldom saw them. I havent grown up a broken person.

We lived abroad for several years when DCs were small so they didnt see GPs frequently. Again, they have survived.

Agree that i grew up with distant grandparents we had a good relationship with and my kids grandparents all live at least 3 hours away and they get on well with grandparents and we get on with our parents. it means the relatives have to have their own friends and hobbies and can't try making their grandchildren into their obsessive hobby.

Yabu to expect her to babysit, but why are you doing so much for her?

YABU to even ask her to babysit when she has a guest.

I have given up this week......

It's our anniversary in 2 weeks time so have asked her to babysit for 2 hours (kids asleep in bed) while we go down the road for a meal, she said no as she volunteers for 3 hours in a shop on that day and will be too tired, I said perhaps the next day but she said no again, because my brother & his GF are staying with her for a few days...

Can't afford a babysitter and a meal, will save by not having her round this w/e I think!

You can't change her behaviour, only your own. A roast costs a decent amount of money. Have her round once a year once every two weeks and save the roast money for a babysitter.

My mum doesn't really like babies and doesn't like to babysit but she does it when she is here (we live a long way from her) because she loves me. I am her daughter and she wants to help. Your mother is selfish.

if you were near me I'd babysit for free (am in Glasgow)

I know what its like to never have a babysitter

your mum sounds very selfish, if I was you I'd cut down on all the help/meals you give/do for her

she doesn't sound worth it

FayeGovan - Ahh, thank you

hope you manage to get your few hours off!

So you cook her a roast every week and she will babysit 3 times a year and refuses to now - sounds a bit one sided to me. Agree that you should start to say 'no' a few times - she sounds really selfish to me. It's not unreasonable to expect grandparents to babysit ocassionally imo.

Never mind not cooking for her this weekend, I'd stop cooking for her at all. And knock all the odd jobs your dh does on the head.

Next time she asks, tell her you are tired.