to judge these parents at a wedding?

[villagegossip]

Went to the evening do of a friend's wedding this weekend. Chatting at the bar with DP to some people and a young couple came over to the people standing next to us.

They had a little boy with them about 4 yo and a TINY baby in a carrycot.

They were attracting a lot of attetion as the baby was so little and were loving telling people that he should've been born that day but was in fact 3 weeks prem.

So thinking they had come to say hi to the married couple and maybe have a drink or two, told them how gorgeous he was and went to get a seat.

They proceeded to sit at the next table and get shitfaced

Now, i'm not an old fudder but the disco was banging and there were strobe lights everywhere. The dad kept lifting him out of the carrycot to pass him around their mates for a cuddle.

Poor little chap was all curled into himself with screwed up face and clenched hands and feet like he was trying to hide

It just really upset me that he was being passed around in a really loud, bright place, to people that had been outside fagging it minutes before? and prob didn't wash their hands

Really had to bite my tongue - their other little boy spent the last 3 hours asleep on a bench before they got up and left at around 1.30am.

So AIBU to think they should have left baby with someone elsewhere if they were so determined to stay out all night getting trashed?

I do get where you are coming from Combine, with my second pregnancy, I expected (and bloody well prayed) that I would go into labour at any point once I got to 38 weeks as I knew any problems that could arrive, were very minimal. But I don't agree with all babies actually being ready to be born after say 34 weeks compared to a 30 weeker.

My son was born with breathing difficulties. I didn't get to see him for hours after he had been born which was the worst hours of my life. I thought he had died. And his health was very closely monitored for what felt like years. I couldn't cuddle him without wires being everywhere, and for days, all I can do was stroke his face through the incubator. He was premature. He was not ready, or mature enough to be born so therefore premature.

I blame myself. I have TONNES of guilt over it. I feel I shouldn't of gone along with the induction etc. Even 7 years on, I kick myself. So it is not like I want to tell everyone and anyone about it. Quite frankly, it was a dark time which I would rather forget.

The term "Premature" is used to define babies who are likely to be born that are not ready/not matured enough, and enough babies at 36 weeks just aren't, like my DS. The sooner they are born, the more likely the problem is to be serious but that does not take away the fact that at 36 weeks, I was close to losing my son just like many other mothers with their babies who were born earlier than DS.

I don't think that taking a 3 week old baby to a wedding is wrong,I don't think that other people cuddling a baby is wrong either.

I think I live in a parallel universe to most MNetters tbh.

All this fuss about loud noises and bright lights - you do realise that this doesn't faze little babies at all, don't you?

I have vivid memories of my son sleeping through a wedding disco despite the fact that he was cradled up against his father in the middle of the dance floor. He was oblivious to all of it.

And as to handing babies around - well, I understand that some mums are very protective (not to say possessive) of their babies, and won't let anyone else touch them. But we're not all like that. At the same wedding my son was literally handed around a table for a cuddle with everyone. They were all his relations in some way and he was meeting them for the first time. There is nothing wrong with that.

Can I ask OP, how did you know the parents were shitfaced?

Agree with Jean.
Honestly mumsnet, wipe the rabid foam from your chops and relax.

Define shitfaced?

When my DS was a newborn I couldn't have faced getting drunk, but now I will admit that I have got pretty tiddly in his company. Mainly when he is in bed but there has been a wedding where he stayed up til midnight and a family get together in a pub in the afternoon as examples of where he has been with me while I have been drinking. I can sink quite a lot of booze and still be perfectly capable!

Wedding - fine
Passed around - fine though I personally wouldn't be happy if lots of people had been smoking
Bright lights - fine
Loud music - not fine IMO. Music at say a house party is fine but booming speakers? No I wouldn't. *
Shitfaced - not fine obviously. I really hope they didn't share a bed with baby when they got home.

• from here Young children All very loud noise damages hearing to some extent. Some of the noise will happen by chance, without our choosing; other damaging noise we choose to experience for pleasure or other reward. Because of their thinner skulls, babies and young children are at greater risk from a loud sound than adults are. An adult can choose to risk some hearing damage. Babies and other young children may have greater damage than the adult, without opportunity to make a choice. If at all possible, avoid exposing young children to loud noises, such as car racing events or loud music, to protect their hearing, as the damage could last all of their life.

Well, maybe the husband staggering and spilling drinks and then watching the wife drink the drinks too gave the game away, eh?

Where the hell did the parents of a new born and small child get the energy from to stay up drinking until 1.30am?

Right, to clarify again It was not the fact that they were there - of course they can go out at night and take the children - it was a family wedding after all ffs!

I saw the Dad down 8 pints (yes I was counting) he could have had more when I was dancing, at the bar myself or eating.

The Mum was on white wine and I saw him give her 6 large glasses
that she finished - could've been more.

He was wobbling about when getting up and walking and his elbow missed the table a couple of times that to me is shitfaced!

Bloody hell , did you actually enjoy yourself,or just sit there tutting and judging?

That IS enjoying yourself, usualsuspect!

Why would you sit there counting how many drinks someone else had, did you take notes op?

I agree. Counting someone else's drinks. How bloody bored and nosy can you be?!

Tes I did take note and I tutted and judged a lot! Had a fab time but they were on the next table and being pretty loud and drawing attention to themselves.

Fuck, even I think I sound like a twat now but it did make me feel really uncomfortable seeing it

Did you keep a little score sheet?

It's the getting shitfaced while in charge of little ones that would give me cat's bum mouth; don't like some of the other aspects, but not horrendous either.

Along with risk of dropping the poor mite, How could you make up the formula properly when that trashed, cartons, but what about getting right temp? Or clean a bottom or make sure baby was wearing right clothes for ambient temps? Was someone else (sober) helping with baby care?

The amount that you stated to some people isn't a lot.

My DP can easily drink 15 pints on a night out and go home and cook, get up the next day and be fine.

I would have rung social services. It is child abuse IMO.

YANBU if the baby was miserable, however having absolutely no babysitting I have taken small people to adult do's.

They generally seemed pretty happy. I wouldn't get very drunk, but thats because I fall asleep first.

Taking teeny baby to wedding - no issue.
Taking 3 or 4yo to a wedding - no issue.
BOTH parents getting drunk - big issue, especially with teeny baby.

re. the strobelights and banging music - I wouldn't have kept a teeny baby in that environment, but then DS would have let me know all about it very quickly at that age! If the baby wasn't shrieking, I guess it wasn't too disturbed by it.

Re them not leaving until 1:30am, with older DS asleep on bench for 3h, can't really see the problem there either - again, so long as he wasn't distressed/wailing, not an issue.

But - the drunk thing sticks in my throat - what if something bad had happened? Neither of them would have been really fit to deal with it.

Well if they were really that drunk i'm sure the relatives and friends would have stepped in. Maybe gp's were there too and they went home together.

OP are you sure that you were counting right?

Fag smokey people breathing on it. Lovely