Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

to tell my husband to STFU about being tired

120 replies

MeconiumHappens · 09/06/2012 15:12

We have a four week old baby.
My husband is driving me mad. Whilst i was in labour he was telling me he was tired. After i had the baby he was telling me how tired he was. Now, he's telling me how tired he is when im up 4 times a night breastfeeding and he's snoring away beside me. His go to response is "well you can sleep in the day", actually no, most days i cant sleep because baby likes to sleep in really small chunks of time.
AIBU to punch him, hard, in the face the next time he tells me how tired he is.

OP posts:

HipHopOpotomus · 10/06/2012 00:26

I understand how you feel. He is being a little insensitive.

You both need to accept each other is tired. I learnt very quickly that competitive tiredness leads to no good places. DP still getting there.

Congrats on your new baby

AnyFucker · 10/06/2012 00:27

tell him to get a full physical exam with his GP

and then if it's all clear, tell him to STFU

DamnBamboo · 10/06/2012 00:41

5fingered, you have I think, serious issues!

rainbow2000 · 10/06/2012 02:08

My dp said as i was having my 2nd blood transfusion that he was tired so i told the midwife to give it to him as he was more worthy.Also yo can sleep with 1 baby while bf,try doing it with a few then complain.

Youvebeentangoed · 10/06/2012 02:49

It was the other way around in this house. DP was having to get up with the kids, and do most of the chores whilst working full time. He did everything he could, all whilst I moaned about being so exhausted that I barely had the energy to even wipe my own backside after months. I know it annoyed him at the time, as on the surface, I did practically feck all. I had been tested for Iron deficiency, underactive thyroid etc, and they came back clear. For a long time, it was put down to depression by the professionals. It was only by accident, from doing a liver function test, that they found my B12 and Folate levels was dangerously low. I was diagnosed with Pernicious Anemia and will, for the remainder of my life, need regular injections.

I literally could not cope or manage beforehand. No matter how hard I tried. Sometimes I would fall asleep sat up.

Now, if anyone complains of being so tired when they have no reason really to be, I always, always, encourage them to go see their GP.

So yes, although I feel for you OP, I do think you are being unreasonable. It is not a competition, and he sounds to me as though he needs to be checked over.

5dcsinneedofacleaner · 10/06/2012 07:10

Yanbu to be irritated, but its not so much dhs fault as just a fact of life that you are tired with a new baby.
This weekend tell dh your having a day in bed, get some tv in the bedroom tale your baby to lie down in your bed and master feeding lying down. Then dont move out of bed until the next morning.
I have had a baby waking in the night almost constantly for the last 7 years (between 5 babies) and i do this probably once a month just give up and make dh pamper you do the housework and sort food. It really clears your mind to have a day off and you do think more fondly of dh after (well for a few days!)

lollilou · 10/06/2012 08:54

Why do men(sorry but it does seem to be a more male thing) do the competitive tiredness thing? When mine were babies my dh used to drive me mad with it.

Original poster

MeconiumHappens · 10/06/2012 10:51

Theres nothing wrong with him, its just the baby making noise and disturbing his sleep. I guess what pisses me off is that he has the option to get a z bed and set up camp next door, and get some quiet, but hasnt bothered. Then moans about being disturbed. This frustrates the nuts off me as im the sort of person who thinks if you dont grab at your solutions then you really, really have to stfu.
To be fair, the baby doesnt actually cry in the night, just makes noises, but not full throttle crying. As i have baby exerience and he doesnt I realise how lucky we are at the mo so that prob makes me less sympathetic.

ps, am only punching him in the face in my head for those with the literal approach to thread reading

OP posts:

igggi · 10/06/2012 11:00

He should complain about being tired all he wants to someone else just not to the one person who's more tired than him!

5Fingered · 10/06/2012 11:27

Woah I was angry last night!

ChasedByBees · 10/06/2012 11:41

I didn't sleep for about 5 days during the labour and after my DD was born. I was so tired I was hallucinating. DH had slept through a lot of the labour (at one point I was taken off to the theatre and he wasn't allowed to come while I was being prepped. It took ages so I asked the MW to go and tell him I was ok. He was asleep )

I sent DH off home to sleep and wanted him to be well rested so that he could look after us, but what happened was he was still more tired than he'd ever been before, I was just more so. :)

I think what helped was that he was understanding of how hard it was for me. I get the feeling you'd just like a little more appreciation and sympathy and there's nothing wrong with that. It gets better!

5Fingered · 10/06/2012 11:58

Rindercella, sorry if I came across insensitive last night, don't know what was up with me. I genuinely am sorry for your loss.

saintmerryweather · 10/06/2012 12:13

i wonder what would have happened if this was the dh postng asking if he would be U if he punched his dw in the face then tried to justify it with 'i only wish i could'. the sexism and double standards here stun me sometimes, they really do

Original poster

MeconiumHappens · 10/06/2012 13:02

Its a fucking joke. Lighten up.

OP posts:

Rindercella · 10/06/2012 13:55

5Fingered, don't worry about it. I think I was in a grotty mood last night too. And thank you.

StMW, I totally agree with you. I really dislike anyone using violent language, especially over something as apparently minor as this. If a man had posted the OP, I am pretty sure it would be pulled pretty quickly due to the hundreds of posts telling the man he was a cunt. OP, it's fucking out of order. Grow up.

Thumbwitch · 10/06/2012 14:02

Y'know, one of the first threads I ever posted on here was by a man, who had seen someone post a thread about her drunk DH coming home late and rowdy, would she be U to do something to him (can't remember what) - he posted "WHBU to kick his DP in the guts when she came home at 2am, drunk and incoherent" or similar and OF COURSE got a complete pasting.
He explained, but posters on the thread said (and I know it doesn't completely justify it in any way) that the difference would be that most women would agree that there are men who WOULD do that; whereas most women who say things like that tend to be joking (albeit in poor taste).

It's the sort of thing that many people do say in frustration and would never in a million years carry out - but some would and so I suppose it's better to avoid saying things like that on a forum where many have been the victim of DV, or know someone who has (or ever, in fact.) But I know I'm guilty of it too when suffering extreme frustration. Wouldn't ever carry it out.

5Fingered · 10/06/2012 14:44

Surely most people have had violent thoughts at some point or other? OP was just expressing them but has said herself would never actually carry them out.

HecateTrivia · 10/06/2012 14:53

How is he with you? Does he acknowledge and care about your tiredness?

I think if he is moaning about being tired in a "we're in it together" sort of way and sympathising with how tired you are as well and having a joke about propping open one another's eyes with matchsticks, then that's not really so bad.

If, otoh, he's moaning about being tired, somehow blaming you for his tiredness and acting like he's the only one affected and not caring very much about how you are/acting like you couldn't possibly be feeling as bad as he is - then he's being an arse, really.

milkymocha · 10/06/2012 15:07

Dh had a full 9 hours sleep last night and yet its him who is currently napping with newborn son

It is also a known fact in my house the nobody is ever allowed to be more tired than me
I do the housework, 90% of the childcare, have a newborn and a toddler who i entertain everyday and do ALL nightfeeds. My DS1 has only started sleeping through 6 weeks ago, i have not had a full nights sleep in 3 years.

So actually i dont care who i piss off... Iam definitely more tired than you

Youvebeentangoed · 10/06/2012 15:21

How do you know there is nothing wrong with him OP?

Unless he has been and had tests done very recently, you can't possibly know. Some others thought I was just simply lazy, that I should be "just getting on with it" when I seriously was struggling to barely keep my head up in the end. Their attitudes soon changed when I collapsed and was taken into hospital and eventually ended up getting a diagnosis.

You want the moaning to stop, then force him to go get a thorough examination. If then all comes back clear, you can tell him he is a selfish arse and pass him DC before getting some ear plugs and going off for a nap/long relaxing soak in the bath/(insert whatever other choice you might wish to do).

Flip

1 2 3 4 5