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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to tell my husband to STFU about being tired

120 replies

MeconiumHappens · 09/06/2012 15:12

We have a four week old baby.
My husband is driving me mad. Whilst i was in labour he was telling me he was tired. After i had the baby he was telling me how tired he was. Now, he's telling me how tired he is when im up 4 times a night breastfeeding and he's snoring away beside me. His go to response is "well you can sleep in the day", actually no, most days i cant sleep because baby likes to sleep in really small chunks of time.
AIBU to punch him, hard, in the face the next time he tells me how tired he is.
Angry

OP posts:
Petsinmypudenda · 09/06/2012 15:35

You can both be tired. A new baby is a shock to mum's and dads.

AThingInYourLife · 09/06/2012 15:36

There's no reason for a healthy young man getting a full night's sleep every night to be so tired that he is more tired than a woman who recently gave birth and hasn't had more than a few hours sleep in a row for four weeks.

There's clearly something seriously wrong with him and he needs to see a doctor on Monday.

Longdistance · 09/06/2012 15:39

Pah! Men are just the weaker sex.
All I can say is, it takes a woman!!!
YANBU, I still wake with my two dd's, and the oldest is 2y8mo, and if dh said he was tired, I'd want to punch him too, as he NEVER wakes Angry

AmberNectarine · 09/06/2012 15:39

Oh, Rindercella, I feel terrible now. So sorry for your loss, no wonder we unsympathetic harpies get on your nerves.

As a disclaimer, I did make my DH go and get blood tests just last week due to his moaning about tiredness. He's in perfect health, just a bit of a whinger. Still, I love him dearly and I'm off to give him a cuddle!

CheeseandGherkins · 09/06/2012 15:40

Thumb you kept that quiet! Did I miss an announcement? Congratulations! :o x

Yanbu op

Acumenoop · 09/06/2012 15:40

Don't compete about it. Honestly. It's really lonely on that winner's podium. You can both be tired.

youarekidding · 09/06/2012 15:40

YANBU. But he is allowed to be tired too - just needs to accept that so are you.

FWIW to make you giggle. I had a 48 labour with DS before an ECS, XP slept both nights fully. About 5 hours after DS was born he was moaning about being tired and needing to go home for dinner and to sleep.

This was whilst someone was doing the inevitable filming of new baby and all you catch is me giving him the Hmm with a sarcy sounding - "you're tired, best go home and get your 12 hours then" Grin

He did cringe when DS was about 6 months and we got round to watching the DVD for DS first few hours.

CheeseandGherkins · 09/06/2012 15:43

I'm really understanding with my dh btw as he's very ill, long term and taking lots of meds but I was assuming the op's dh was otherwise well. Sorry Rindercella missed your post. :( was being lighthearted with my yanbu response but of course you're 100% right x

Thumbwitch · 09/06/2012 15:47

C&G - no, no announcement, still a bit paranoid - but going well so far, thank you! Grin

AThingInYourLife · 09/06/2012 15:47

"Don't compete about it. Honestly."

Yes, because there's no competition.

Clearly the person doing all the night waking is more tired.

It's not like there's any possible chance the person snoring away all night could win.

Unless they are seriously unwell.

Acumenoop · 09/06/2012 16:12

Okay. It's up to you, to live like that. It's lonely and bitter and that's a choice, but not, I think, a wise one.

Springforward · 09/06/2012 16:19

My DH could also be prone to a spot of competitive tiredness when DS was tiny. Rather irritating, but I guess he was actually tired just not as tired as me.

Still, YANBU - up four times a night is truly nerve-shredding. Thankfully it won't last very long Smile

Springforward · 09/06/2012 16:20

Oh, YANBU about being annoyed, that is - obviously YABU about punching him but I guess you don't really intend to!!

JoyousJoyce · 09/06/2012 16:26

My XH moaned about missing Eastenders minutes after me giving birth! East effing enders FGS!

He was deadly serious.

Not surprising he is an EX.

Wigglewoo · 09/06/2012 16:48

Yanbu.

Unless he is seriously unwell he is a knob.

AThingInYourLife · 09/06/2012 17:03

There's nothing lonely or bitter about not allowing someone to take the piss out of you by pretending that they are just as tired as you when they clearly are not.

There is nothing kind or respectful about whinging about how tired you are to a wife who in understandably exhausted, and far more tired than you because she is doing more.

And it is kindness and decency that gets you through the first weeks still happily in love and enjoying doing it together.

And there is the chance that he is unwell. Certainly either he's a lazy moaning fucker or there is something wrong with him.

As someone with an underactive thyroid, I genuinely think that level of exhaustion in an otherwise healthy person is a cause for worry.

ComposHat · 09/06/2012 17:17

YABU - you don't have the monopoly on tiredness. If he was saying 'i am tired, you have no right to be' or 'i am lots more tired than you' than you may have had a point. Saying ' I am tired is a statement of fact not an attempt to deny your right to be tired too.

Is he working? If you can't appreciate how knackering doing a full day's work after a disturbed night of sleep is, than
you are lacking in empathy.

alphabite · 09/06/2012 17:23

Some people need more sleep than others. I need 9 hours otherwise I literally can't cope with the day. I would be dangerous! One night with less sleep can really screw up my body clock. I regularly nap when I can too. Just trying to point out that everyone is different. Your husband might be one of those people who needs a lot of sleep and its not like he can do anything about that. You both sound tired which is understandable with a new baby.

AThingInYourLife · 09/06/2012 17:32

Bollocks, if you are getting up 4 times per night every night you do have a monopoly on tiredness compared to someone who gets to sleep all night.

It's so shit the way women are supposed to pretend that clearly unequal levels of effort are the same so inadequate men can moan about how knackered and hard done by they are.

OhNoMyFanjo · 09/06/2012 17:35

Tell him to grow tge fuck up.

MammaTJ · 09/06/2012 17:44

Thumbwitch, I live near the sea so am more tireder than any of you!! Always wondered about my permanently knackered state, and now realise it is that rather than the fact that I work 3 nights a week, go to college and have 2 very boistrous little people!

ComposHat · 09/06/2012 17:50

It isn't bollocks - I doubt he is sleeping undisturbed through an infant screams. As far as I can tell only one person is making it onto a tiredness competition and it is the op

Princessjo25 · 09/06/2012 17:53

Our daughter is 7 yo now & near enough every weekend my husband has lie-ins or is asleep on the sofa all afternoon.Our dd even says she doesn't bother going to daddy as she knows he won't get out of bed.
He says it's cos he's depressed but I have depression & other medical conditions but I don't sleep all the time!Course I'm tired but can't give in cos stuff still needs to be done!
So no, you're not being unreasonable - nip this in the bud now so u don't end up like me!

OhNoMyFanjo · 09/06/2012 18:15

ComposHat I presume from that post you are a man.

Yes being able to lie there and go back to sleep is tge same as being up for 30-60 mins 4 times in tge night Hmm

5Fingered · 09/06/2012 18:32

Still a cock that deserves to be punched in the face. I feel angry just reading this. He's an absolute twat. YASNBU