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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel this way about DP staying out for the night

434 replies

OhWhatAPalaver · 08/06/2012 23:09

i kinda think i'm being a bit silly here but not sure... i'll try and be concise.
our DD is 5 months old and a bottle refuser, meaning i am unable to go anywhere or do anything at the moment. i have completely accepted this to be the case and i don't mind too much, i can live with not being able to go out for a while.

DP works shifts, pretty much always late ones. he knew he was getting off a bit early tonight so was going to meet up with some friends (mostly girls) for a few drinks. fine by me, no problem at all. he doesn't go out often so i'm ok with this.

however, i get a text not long ago saying he is now going to his friends house, so i call him and ask how he's getting back as its not on the right bus route. he says he might get a taxi or might stay on their couch, he's not sure. i must have sounded disappointed as he said i sounded miserable. i always seem to feel sad and anxious if he stays out and i feel that, being a father now, he should be responsible and come home.

i am slightly concerned as he was only saying the other day that he wants more excitement in his life and is a bit bored at the mo as he feels like all he does is work and doesn't get much time to see his friends any more. i explained that we have a young baby and that's generally what happens for a while.... i don't want him to feel like he cant go anywhere but i really would prefer him to come home tonight rather than tomorrow. AIBU?

OP posts:
LeBOFFY · 09/06/2012 00:43

I think the OP can disregard anyone she feels is being too harsh. But other posters laying into AF do sound a bit axe-grindish to me- it looks way more over the top from what I can see, and certainly turns stuff into a bun fight that isn't helpful.

AnAirOfHope · 09/06/2012 00:45

check the credibility lol who are you? The thread police :)

Originalplurker · 09/06/2012 00:46

Well we should all just standby n watch eh? God hope some of you aren't around if I'm about to jump.

Originalplurker · 09/06/2012 00:46

Self regulating

AnyFucker · 09/06/2012 00:49

perhaps fortyplus could provide a kind of public service ?

run a "credibility check" on all contributors and eject those found wanting ?

best not do it on anyone else here though, you may get a bit of an eye opener Wink

AnAirOfHope · 09/06/2012 00:52

shit i wounder what my number would be Grin

NovackNGood · 09/06/2012 00:52

Op I think you are being unreasonable and whilst you may be feeling a bit stuck at home because the little one is so small that does not mean you need to stop your OH from having a fun night out every once in a while. As for staying out all night then really I think that it is not a problem at all and unless you have reasons to not trust your OH then you should not worry about it all.

If you are in need of something doing at home that only he can do then perhaps you should ask him but if it´s just to keep him from going out to enjoy himself because you are stuck in with baby then that is being unreasonable in my opinion.

AgentZigzag · 09/06/2012 00:57

'best not do it on anyone else here though, you may get a bit of an eye opener Wink'

Are you talking about a specific poster?

What have they done that you think would be an eye opener?

AnAirOfHope · 09/06/2012 01:03

I do not think its unreasonable for the Father of a 5 month old baby to stay in and support the bf mother emotionally and.physically.

I wounder why a Father feels the need to sleep on another womens sofa when he has a 5 month old at home and a sleep deprived partner.

Also you dont get time off from being a Father its kinda full time like!

fortyplus · 09/06/2012 01:04

Perhaps credibility isn't quite the correct term - I just find it interesting to take a look at previous posts if someone is bullying expressing strong views. I've only ever done that about ten times in five years - sure enough there's usually a predictable theme running through the threads.

louderthanbombs · 09/06/2012 01:04

I agree with AF about this. The baby is 5 months old, both parents are adjusting, but only one has a choice about going out and staying out. Its rubbish, why do people think its ok for the dad to give up responsibility for a night, when the mum has no choice? I think she is definitely NBU!

AgentZigzag · 09/06/2012 01:05

'Also you dont get time off from being a Father its kinda full time like!'

No one's allowed time off once they have DC...at all?

It's 24/7 all the way, for the mum and the dad?

Blimey, now that is harsh.

NovackNGood · 09/06/2012 01:08

he is still being a father when he is out and he is t the end of a phone call. just because they have a child together they do not need to live in each others pockets 24/7.

AnAirOfHope · 09/06/2012 01:09

if you were out getting pissed and your child had to go to a&e you would have to go look after your child. You child is your responability.

Yes the Fathers as well as the Mother.

So no you dont get time off

fortyplus · 09/06/2012 01:11

Thinking about it... my dh frequently spent nights away when I had a 3 month old bf baby and a toddler... for work... does that make him a bastard? Should I have left him?

AgentZigzag · 09/06/2012 01:12

'So no you dont get time off'

You might choose to be on call all day and night until they get to 16, but most people make sure they're safe with someone else and enjoy the time they have off not being a parent.

AnyFucker · 09/06/2012 01:12

work versus on the piss with the young ladeez

that's a comparison ?

louderthanbombs · 09/06/2012 01:12

But its only the dad getting time off here! It is 24/7 for the OP

AnyFucker · 09/06/2012 01:14

I am thinking os setting up a public service

I am going to screen all posts for silly comments and let everyone know before they read them and spit out their coffee/tea/wine/beverage of their choice

it's only fair

AnyFucker · 09/06/2012 01:15

of

AnAirOfHope · 09/06/2012 01:15

Depends if he had a choice to stay home and support you or go to work to support you.

Would you be happy to be home with a 5 month old and have your partener pissed and on some womens sofa?

NovackNGood · 09/06/2012 01:15

She is free to ask her OP for time off any night she likes if they can sort out the feeding issue.

ilovesooty · 09/06/2012 01:17

Where does the OP say he's pissed?

AnAirOfHope · 09/06/2012 01:19

lol time off from being a parent. If only i could have time off from giving birth to my children and not lactate!

AnyFucker · 09/06/2012 01:19

yes, when the feeding issue is sorted they will both get a fair crack of the whip at going on the lash with randoms and having sleepovers for no reason whatsoever

whatever floats ya boat (somehow I doubt it will float OP's, though)

until that relatively short span of time has been reached, this young father could actually support his sleep-deprived and rather upset mother of his child

too much to ask ?