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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel this way about DP staying out for the night

434 replies

OhWhatAPalaver · 08/06/2012 23:09

i kinda think i'm being a bit silly here but not sure... i'll try and be concise.
our DD is 5 months old and a bottle refuser, meaning i am unable to go anywhere or do anything at the moment. i have completely accepted this to be the case and i don't mind too much, i can live with not being able to go out for a while.

DP works shifts, pretty much always late ones. he knew he was getting off a bit early tonight so was going to meet up with some friends (mostly girls) for a few drinks. fine by me, no problem at all. he doesn't go out often so i'm ok with this.

however, i get a text not long ago saying he is now going to his friends house, so i call him and ask how he's getting back as its not on the right bus route. he says he might get a taxi or might stay on their couch, he's not sure. i must have sounded disappointed as he said i sounded miserable. i always seem to feel sad and anxious if he stays out and i feel that, being a father now, he should be responsible and come home.

i am slightly concerned as he was only saying the other day that he wants more excitement in his life and is a bit bored at the mo as he feels like all he does is work and doesn't get much time to see his friends any more. i explained that we have a young baby and that's generally what happens for a while.... i don't want him to feel like he cant go anywhere but i really would prefer him to come home tonight rather than tomorrow. AIBU?

OP posts:
manicbmc · 09/06/2012 09:44

She wasn't putting the kybosh on his night out and was happy for him to go out. She just wasn't happy with his last minute arrangements to not come home.

Huansagain · 09/06/2012 09:46

What difference does it make if he comes home?

He's not going to much help, it's one night.

Original poster
OhWhatAPalaver · 09/06/2012 09:46

blimey, i went to bed at about page 3! didn't expect it to turn in to an 11 page thread!

turns out i was actually worrying over nothing, got a text a 3am saying he wasn't even drunk, couldn't sleep and he missed me :) silly me....

logistically it was easier and a lot cheaper for him to stay at his friends but he didn't really want to either. i think i posted as i know i can be a bit irrational when DP goes out, mostly cos i cant!! i will simply have to keep looking forward to the times when i can go out again and when we can go out together as a couple. :)

OP posts:
pictish · 09/06/2012 09:46

Yes I did bf exclusively. Twice. And neither time did it go smoothly at all. I was miserable and sore and wrung out.

My dh coming home in the morning if he was out (rare) made no odds overall.

Original poster
OhWhatAPalaver · 09/06/2012 09:46

thanks for everyone's opinions and advice by the way, it is much appreciated :)

OP posts:
doggiemumma · 09/06/2012 09:47

Did you have a young baby that needed nightfeeding that only your DH could do when you had your impromptu night out then pictish? Did you jusst think fuck it, i'll leave him to it? That being the case, it would make you as selfish as the OPs DH. I doubt that to be the case and your example is not relevant

manicbmc · 09/06/2012 09:47

Good for you, OP.

pictish · 09/06/2012 09:48

Eh?

Huansagain · 09/06/2012 09:48

Good for him.

You should still leave him though, just to be on the safe side.

pictish · 09/06/2012 09:49

I regularly think 'fuck it' and leave him to it. He's perfectly capable. It's not an issue. What are you on about?

NurseBernard · 09/06/2012 09:49

Thanks doggie, you made my point far more succinctly than I was about to... :)

manicbmc · 09/06/2012 09:50

Bet you didn't do that when you were bfing though?

pictish · 09/06/2012 09:51

What difference does dh being absent during one night in six months, make to night feeding?

Hysterical froth!

TheSecondComing · 09/06/2012 09:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pictish · 09/06/2012 09:52

Well I couldn't do it when I was bfing, could I? So I didn't.
And?

doggiemumma · 09/06/2012 09:52

ohwhatapalava im sorry but your last post just made me incredibly Sad

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 09/06/2012 09:55

not all people are "perfectly capable" as much as others, people have different energy levels etc

pictish · 09/06/2012 09:55

The issue here imo is the regularity. If this was a regular occurance then I'd have beef.
It's not. So there is none.

doggiemumma · 09/06/2012 09:55

my point, that you seem to be deliberately trying to miss, is that IF (and of course this would never be the case) your DH was stuck at home exclusively BFing and felt isolated and lonely, it would be very selfish to go off galavanting out for a few drinks after work.

I go out on the piss alot, my DH would rather stick a fork in his eye, so i get to go out and enjoy myself, but i wouldnt do this if he was unable rather just not wanting to. It would be shit.

NurseBernard · 09/06/2012 09:58

Only one partner can EBF, and EBFing goes on for weeks, if not months and months. There's no give and take.

The OP is entitled to feel pissed off that her DP is 'struggling with parenthood'. Quite frankly, he doesn't know he's born.

But you're determined to keep missing this point, so I won't labour it.

rhondajean · 09/06/2012 10:00

Doesn't it get a bit strange if he wasn't even drunk? Ie why miss the bus then?

Original poster
OhWhatAPalaver · 09/06/2012 10:00

why doggie?

we are all entitled to a night out, my time will come eventually!

OP posts:
pictish · 09/06/2012 10:00

What? If you went out and decided to stay out once, it would be shit and selfish?
This conversation is taking a surreal turn.

manicbmc · 09/06/2012 10:02

It all turned out okay anyway. And everyone has different expectations of their partners and themselves though.

The OP's husband was just a tad selfish, imo.

TantrumsAndBalloons · 09/06/2012 10:04

I must be as selfish as the ops DH and Pictish then.

I regularly think "fuck it" and leave my DH at home with DCs.

He does the same.

We seem to have trundled on alright for the last 15 years, and take turns cooking the bacon in the morning.