to feel this way about DP staying out for the night

[OhWhatAPalaver]

i kinda think i'm being a bit silly here but not sure... i'll try and be concise.
our DD is 5 months old and a bottle refuser, meaning i am unable to go anywhere or do anything at the moment. i have completely accepted this to be the case and i don't mind too much, i can live with not being able to go out for a while.

DP works shifts, pretty much always late ones. he knew he was getting off a bit early tonight so was going to meet up with some friends (mostly girls) for a few drinks. fine by me, no problem at all. he doesn't go out often so i'm ok with this.

however, i get a text not long ago saying he is now going to his friends house, so i call him and ask how he's getting back as its not on the right bus route. he says he might get a taxi or might stay on their couch, he's not sure. i must have sounded disappointed as he said i sounded miserable. i always seem to feel sad and anxious if he stays out and i feel that, being a father now, he should be responsible and come home.

i am slightly concerned as he was only saying the other day that he wants more excitement in his life and is a bit bored at the mo as he feels like all he does is work and doesn't get much time to see his friends any more. i explained that we have a young baby and that's generally what happens for a while.... i don't want him to feel like he cant go anywhere but i really would prefer him to come home tonight rather than tomorrow. AIBU?

You might feel like a scrap due to some unknown issue in your life but it isn't going to be with me :) off to sleep again

He hasn't done anything wrong and the OP can feel upset as much as she likes but she should try to avoid the jealousy route as she´ll end up just hurting herself. He's an adult and he is free to go out for a night.

You don't even think it was a teeny bit UR for him to call last minute?

fanjo I don't know who you are love or why are you tying my name over so sleep tight.

Great now you had your say you can go to bed happy. see ya

He called and what is it now. Only about 2 am and he called her a few hours ago so it´s not last minute. I would suggest that calling was being thoughtful and nice to pint out that she did not have to wait up for him.

He did call last minute, it was too late for a bus so that is last minute where they are.

Well last bus is now too late. For goodness sake there grown ups not 15 year olds coming home from a party.

'Agent, I don't mean that at all, I mean her motives are intrinsically good and kind'

Same as mine then.

He txt her then she phoned him!

Actually he text the OP saying he was on his way back to his mates house. It was the OP who called him. He hadn't given his journey home much thought as he was decided about how he was getting home if he was indeed coming home at all. Very selfish.

• undecided

Agent, yes I'm sure you are kind too

I'm good too fanjo sometimes

Yeah right

I'm fucking selfish sometimes Maisy, I have to elbow myself some free time when I can just do whatever the fuck I want to.

I need that occasionally, I'm not a person to go out on the lash any more, but if that was what I needed and the DC were safely with a responsible person I'd be bollocksed if anyone was going to tell me I didn't need it and was being a twat for daring to want some time off from the mundane.

'Yeah right'

Cheeky!

Fair dinkum. But you'd have the courtesy to let your partner know if you were coming home or not wouldn't you?

Hehe at 'fair dinkum'

It'd depend on how pissed selfish I was feeling Maisy

It's not an excuse, but I don't think you can depend on someone who's pissed to make rational and responsible decisions.

The two things just don't go together.

So if the OP's partner decides to fool around with one of his female friends it's acceptable because he's pissed an unable to make rational and responsible decisions? The guy knows exactly what he's doing, he's being a git and taking advantage of the OP. Yes, he's entitled to a night out but needs to know where to draw the line.

Ah, now, choosing to sleep with someone else when you're pissed is a whole different ballgame to choosing to have a night out.

If I knew what the criteria was surrounding what makes the difference, I'd be a millionaire.

But what I do know for sure is that one doesn't inevitably lead to the other, or it'd be a fact and the OP would know why he was staying out and wouldn't be posting.

Did he come home, are you ok this am.

Blimey, he only went out for a drink, and said he might sleep on a friends sofa.

He wasn't caught defiling a corgi.

Are fathers (or husbands) really not 'allowed' to go out when they have children?

I'm just trying to imagine when my children were little, and telling my wife she shouldn't go out, and should come back home, I wouldn't have, and she'd have ignored me anyway.

And I always imagined AnyFucker wore her husbands testicles as earrings, I'm not being horrible it's just the fierce 'there's no way I'd put up with that' type of posts.

I'm sure he's a free-man who can do whatever he wants, and with all his dangly bits in the right place.

Bloody hell, why are so many posters so massively insecure about other posters having a strong opinion on things?! How very odd. anyfucker is entitled to put her opinion across any way she wants without other posters harassing her for it (anyfucker - I know you are a big girl and don't need anyone fighting your corner, but it is so annoying that people do this)

This a a public forum for opinions and the op asked for them and I am sure she is big enough to take the ones she agrees with and Leave the ones she doesn't.

I agree with anyfucker on this but even if I didnt, why are people telling her she shouldn't be saying things?! Disagree with her if you disagree but no need to harass her. As berating her for posting a lot as one person did is very odd.