To call back MIL & let her know i heard her...wwyd

[VIX1980]

Dp just called to let me know he had gone to his mums on his way home from work, i asked him to pick up a lamp id borrowed her last year (and have been asking for back ever since), that was that, said goodbye and then asked him if he was having his tea there or not, he obviously didnt answer as he thought he had hung up so i shouted it again.

i heard him asking his mum if she had my lamp, she said she didnt know/thinks it might of got broken or borrowed to someone else (its not a cheap lamp, and shes never mentioned any of this to me), then she asks him if the house is ready for the baby yet (shes here every weekend so only saw it herself on saturday just gone), I then hear her saying they should google how to prepare your house for a new baby - for the nxt 5 mins i heard her basically slagging me off from everything to cleaning, decorating, tidying etc, How i shouldnt plan on breastfeeding as its selfish and wont give her or anyone else a chance to bond with the baby, how she is planning on being at our house when i come home (she apparently couldnt handle coming to the hospital ). Then she went on to say that although my mum had been good buying our pram etc she wasnt much use around the house doing cleaning or cooking so she would come round every day to help out. i hung up then cos i was close to tears.

for what its worth shes a smoker/drinker cooks everything like its a challenge to use as much oil as possible, cleans with a ciggie in 1 hand and a bottle of bleach in the other, she helped out doing the washing recently after just bleaching the kitchen floor, needless to say she declined to use the washing basket instead threw everything onto freshly washed floor so all my clothes were ruined with bleach marks, then just laughs when i went mental and had nothing to wear.

im 39 weeks pregnant, on crutches for severe spd, up until last wk i was ok and even decorated the living room, wallpaper and painted, dont the hall downstairs and painted the stair skirtings so ive not been sat on my arse either, only finished work 3 weeks ago too, I dont know if im being over sensitive, i think shes out of order, we arent the closest of people but i respect her, shes my dp's mum and it really hurts to know what she really thinks of me, wwyd.

Oh my god that's awful.

I wouldn't be able to control my anger, he'd get told for not backing you up and she would get told for being a nasty bitchy two faced woman.

Feel sorry for you having to put up with that. Especially when pregnant.

Agree to some extent with novack

You've dealt with it. She knows how you feel, she knows what you heard - let it go now.

No need for game playing, maintaining the 'upper hand' etc... just go about your business, let your DP deal with his own mother and let things evolve when the baby arrives.

Any other advice is just making this into A Big Deal when it needs to be minimised now that you've made your point, albeit a valid point.

Ooh trapped wind-awful.

The only time I´ve had that or heartburn was when pregnant.

It's a shame a supposedly private conversation between mother and son was overheard by the person she was talking about. People can say horrid things. Two sides to every story I think - I'm not against the OP, I just have a sister who tends to bend the truth to the point of lying about my own Mum which has broken her heart. But my sister is a royal PITA.....eggshells surround her. (sigh) Nobody is perfect in this world.

But, since when was it bad form for a future grandparent to decorate a room for the new baby or, heaven forbid, buy a Moses basket? She sounds eviiiiil! Evil I tell you! Actually, the OP sounds a bit like my sister.

I hasten to add I think the OP did the right thing - the right thing by herself and that is what is important. Best of luck and I hope all goes well - the last thing you need is stress!

Decorating a room for the baby, does kind of assume that the baby will be there overnight on a regular basis. MIl hasn't asked the OP if she wants that kind of arrangement. When I was pg, I would have felt quite tetchy at the idea of my baby being someone other than with me and I would feel very uncomfortable about assumptions being made about care for my baby.

The Moses basket can only be used for the first couple of months and if the baby is BF, then they may not be able to be away for the night during this time anyway.

Like karma, someone decorating a room and buying a basket without speaking with me would have made me bristle.

Hey, don't get me wrong, if the room was decorated specifically FOR a baby then I would be a tad 'huh?' That hasn't been said though, just that it was 'decorated'. Maybe she is thinking of when the baby is older? Just trying to be diplomatic.

For the Moses basket - I think it depends on the bubba, no? My friend has a 5 month old - who seems to be a (otherwise healthy) slow grower in her basket. It does happen - maybe the woman's son was in a basket till a bit older? Who knows...

Maybe I'm not tetchy enough?! :O

I disagree with Novack, NonAstemia and AuntFIni.
There is nothing out of order in what Vix has said or done here. The DH chose her as his wife, and the natural order of things is that having made his choice he now needs to leave his mother emotionally, stand by his choice and stand by his wife. This means standing up to his mother. The DH didn't choose his parents, but he can choose how he treats them and he needs to tell them how he expects them to treat the woman he chose as his wife, and the mother of his baby.

A breastfed baby can't stay overnight in a moses basket in someone else's house without the mother handy for feeds. That idea needs to be nipped in the bud and if the DH is so inclined to do anything for a quiet life that he let the MIL go on and on and on in such nasty terms about his wife, he is very unlikely to relish breaking this news to her. He is going to have to get out of his comfort zone with his mother on the issue of breastfeeding or there will be some sort of crisis like this one again.

IVant, a moses basket is for a very young baby on normal circumstances.

I wouldn't be letting some old skank that stinks of fags,bleach and whisky hold my pfb,anyway!!

Sorry,but anyone that I had heard speaking about me like that would not be having a relationship with my child.
My paternal grandmother was of the same variety as your MIL. Sat in her armchair,chainsmoking and slagging my lovely mum off to her daughter. When my Mum arrived she was all smiles. I hated that woman.
My Mum knew by the way,but she wanted us to have a relationship with our Grandparents...she shouldn't have bothered.

Can your MIL actually manage one night without drinking? If she can't, the whole idea of her looking after your child for a night goes out the window anyway surely?

nonastemia it seems to me that dh is already happily behaving like a small child by allowing himself to be controlled by mummy.

Just to clear up the room decorated was dp's sisters room, shes away at university at the moment comes back at holidays etc, as soon as she was told we were expecting she began decorating it all, not in a toddler way but a babyish way even has her own nappy stacker . sil wasnt too pleased either that shes now having her room changed to accommodate a baby.

i found it odd and told dp to have a word with her there and then back in jan, he obviously didnt as the next thing she told me she had bougt a load of 2nd hand equipment off a friend thet their grandson no longer needed (im not surprised, said grandson is now 12, so its been sat in their loft for all that time). moses basket is falling to bits, everything else is as youd expect very outdated, she also has a car seat that looks like a seat out of a rocket ship, i said at the time she wouldnt have a need for a moses basket as the baby would be staying with me as i was breastfeeding, if ever she was needed to babysit then i would of liked her to come to our house if poss to do it (more of a way to see if she brought drink with her though so id know for sure), its easier for her to drink in her own house as we dont really have drink in the house so she'd be stuck here with just tea or juice.

ive had his other family members telling me that they all told her to calm down and not buy the stuff as she wouldnt use it, she wouldnt listen to anyone, i think she really believes shes having this baby herself, iyswim. so she bought it all in january, took it all apart and washed it all and its been sat in the room since then - that the cat also sleeps in. as i say id never of let my baby go to hers right away so this was over the top, i understand there are grandparents who get very involved waiting for the baby to come, and thats good excitment, but not in my case when your an alcoholic, smoker, obviously hate the person in question and just assumed that shed be allowed to take a brand new baby back to her house without the mother to feed it. i just wanted to make it clear im not knocing grandparents to are a good help at all, im just saying i fell short in that dept.

still not heard a peep off her though, ill probably feel differently in a few weeks but right now i just feel so relaxed about the whole thing, ive got bigger things to deal with at the moment.

Mate that's fucking odd!!

Well just because she has bought all the stuff it obviously doesn´t mean that you have to leave baby there for it to get used.

VIX I recommend that you read this book

VIX just read the whole thread! Wow.

I'm pleased to see you've managed to maintain a sense of humour through all this. I suspect that's because, despite your obvious fury, you're feeling better about the fact you've taken control of the situation.

Good luck for the future.

The most appalling thing I find about this is that your DP has apologised, your FIL has even text you, yet MIL has said nothing. I think that says a lot. Everyone has apologised except the person who really should.

I wouldn't be surprised if she keeps quiet for a short time then acts like nothing has happened.

Hmmm yes she does really need to say sorry doesn't she? Wonder if she can bring herself to do so.

Good luck with the new baby VIX, and the new rules!!

If I were you op I'd NEVER let any of my kids stay with her ever. She sounds like a proper cow and you need to keep your children safe and away from ever staying out of your sight. If she bad mouths you to your partner she will bad mouth you to your kids

And shame on your partner for not telling her to never do that.

How's it now Op?