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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To call back MIL & let her know i heard her...wwyd

171 replies

VIX1980 · 08/06/2012 18:09

Dp just called to let me know he had gone to his mums on his way home from work, i asked him to pick up a lamp id borrowed her last year (and have been asking for back ever since), that was that, said goodbye and then asked him if he was having his tea there or not, he obviously didnt answer as he thought he had hung up so i shouted it again.

i heard him asking his mum if she had my lamp, she said she didnt know/thinks it might of got broken or borrowed to someone else (its not a cheap lamp, and shes never mentioned any of this to me), then she asks him if the house is ready for the baby yet (shes here every weekend so only saw it herself on saturday just gone), I then hear her saying they should google how to prepare your house for a new baby - for the nxt 5 mins i heard her basically slagging me off from everything to cleaning, decorating, tidying etc, How i shouldnt plan on breastfeeding as its selfish and wont give her or anyone else a chance to bond with the baby, how she is planning on being at our house when i come home (she apparently couldnt handle coming to the hospital Confused ). Then she went on to say that although my mum had been good buying our pram etc she wasnt much use around the house doing cleaning or cooking so she would come round every day to help out. i hung up then cos i was close to tears.

for what its worth shes a smoker/drinker cooks everything like its a challenge to use as much oil as possible, cleans with a ciggie in 1 hand and a bottle of bleach in the other, she helped out doing the washing recently after just bleaching the kitchen floor, needless to say she declined to use the washing basket instead threw everything onto freshly washed floor so all my clothes were ruined with bleach marks, then just laughs when i went mental and had nothing to wear.

im 39 weeks pregnant, on crutches for severe spd, up until last wk i was ok and even decorated the living room, wallpaper and painted, dont the hall downstairs and painted the stair skirtings so ive not been sat on my arse either, only finished work 3 weeks ago too, I dont know if im being over sensitive, i think shes out of order, we arent the closest of people but i respect her, shes my dp's mum and it really hurts to know what she really thinks of me, wwyd.

OP posts:
AllOverIt · 08/06/2012 18:28

It still doesn't sound as though he was defending you. He should have been telling her not to speak to you like that Angry

Noqontrol · 08/06/2012 18:28

I'd tell her I'd heard her and that she wouldn't be coming round to the house until she'd given me a big fat apology. The cheeky cow.

DamnBamboo · 08/06/2012 18:28

Oh yeah, by the way YADNBU.

She doesn't sound very nice at all, and your DP should have defended you.

Tell her (if you're up to it) what you heard and say you'll phone her when you're ready to.

Bossybritches22 · 08/06/2012 18:28

Damn...I know, but don't....the poor girls understandably upset. Grin

Noqontrol · 08/06/2012 18:28

And I'd ask her to pay for a new lamp.

DamnBamboo · 08/06/2012 18:28

Sorry VIX, worked that one out as I read on.

GrahamTribe · 08/06/2012 18:30

I'd ring her straight back and read her the fucking riot act! How dare she speak about you like that?! You're not being oversensitive at all honey but you do need to lay down some boundaries fast, including that she isn't going to be at your home when you and the baby return from hospital but that she'll wait until she's invited by you. Not your DH. You. You can also tell her that her son, i.e. your husband and father of this baby will be doing any cleaning and chores necessary and so her "help" will not be required.

If you manage to do that without telling her to fuck off and never to darken your door again I salute you because I couldn't.

JosieZ · 08/06/2012 18:30

This is a chance to make a stand against what might be random whingeing by MIL. But don't be a wooss. This is your chance to 'hit the roof' - not ' I heard what she said and it really upset me' more ' if that is the way the spiteful old bag feels she can piss off, I want nothing to do with her'.

From what you say about her she would be much more likely to respect the second response and find the first response proof that you are a bit pathetic (spd etc).

Make a stand and make her grovel to get back into your life. The whole relationship will change then giving you the authority to decide what and when you have dealings with the nasty old cow.

With new baby you don't need to be pussyfooting around this evil old witch, you will have enough to keep you busy without any of this. please don't let this opportunity pass

amothersplaceisinthewrong · 08/06/2012 18:30

Definitiely put the barriers in place before the baby comes with regard to your MIL visiting.

Debs75 · 08/06/2012 18:31

I wonder if your DH has the balls to let his mum know that you heard them

DamnBamboo · 08/06/2012 18:31

VIX you are not being oversensitive about this at all. I've just re-read your whole post, what an absolute cow from hell.

Do what you need to do.

Pinkflipflop · 08/06/2012 18:31

I could not let that go. Call or text and ask for an explanation for her comments. Going forward, you need to be very careful of this woman who may be all sweetness and light to your face but is slagging you off at e dry opportunity.

Do let us know what she says.

Pinkflipflop · 08/06/2012 18:34

I don't suggest you hit the roof or get angry and emotional. Instead remain as calm as possible (don't want to be accused of being hormonal) but let her know you are very disappointed in her actions. You need distance from this woman. Dh, on the other hand I would be furious with.

Dprince · 08/06/2012 18:34

He should have told her she was speaking out of turn and its not her business. I would call him. Tell him , very sweetly, that he had not hung up the phone. That's its none of her business how you feed your baby, if you have spd etc (make clear you heard everything) and that you would like him to put her right while you are on the line. I would also add that she will not be there when you come home and you would like an apology and for him to actually stand up to his mum.

Cluffyfunt · 08/06/2012 18:34

What a nasty cow!

I would like to lamp her

Shutupanddrive · 08/06/2012 18:35

Wow what a bitch! Well done for sending that text. Any reply yet?

LouMacca · 08/06/2012 18:37

OP, how horrible for you! I would have done exactly what you have done and sent a text. This happened to me, although MIL wasn't slagging me off but a member of the family who I am very close to. She rang me back when she realised she hadn't hung up and I let her know exactly what I thought, she was mortified that I had heard and begged me not to tell her niece which I wouldn't have done anyway!

NovackNGood · 08/06/2012 18:38

Didn't you learn as a little girl that those who listen at keyholes will not hear anything good and are just being rude?

Queenofcake · 08/06/2012 18:38

I would need to let her know I had heard.

My MIL did similar when DD1 (now 13yo) was a baby. She left a message on our answerphone then thought she had put her phone down and slagged me off to FIL for the rest of the tape in our answering machine (old fashioned answer phone). She referred to me as "a stuck up bitch too lazy to get of my fat lazy arse to answer the phone" - I was actually out at the time the message was left.

They came to stay with us a few weeks later and after a family day out we came home and played back my answerphone messages out loud (pretending to be listening for new messages) whilst unpacking my shopping in the kitchen and then popping to the loo, so it ran the bulk of her slagging me off.

She said nothing to me nor me to her but she knew I knew what she said and that was enough to take her down a few pegs and to start being more civil to me.

It is very hurtful and I still remember it all these years on. I am not bitter - but I wont forget it ever. Let her know you heard all she said. How you do thatb is upto you. You can be upfront and text or call her or do it in a more roundabout way.

Your DH/DP needs to know you know too and that you are also pissed off (assuming you are) he did sod all to stand up for you, although I suspect this is a typical man just wanting to keep both you and his mum happy.

Pixieonthemoor · 08/06/2012 18:39

What an utter cow! But look on the bright side - this is the perfect opportunity to really lose your rag and lay down some serious rules eg she can piss right off if she thinks she is going to be in your house when you get home. IF you want anyone, then it will be a person of YOUR choosing ( mum/sister/best friend) and not some chain smoking old baggage who thinks you are selfish to bf because it will affect HER ability to bond??!!!!! Honestly the mind boggles.....

thebody · 08/06/2012 18:40

She sounds horrible, you did the right thing by texting. Any response yet Babe??

Aribura · 08/06/2012 18:41

Borrowed =/= lent

NatashaBee · 08/06/2012 18:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thebody · 08/06/2012 18:42

Queen how vile of your mil, mine was lovely so I was very lucky after reading these posts.

MrsTerryPratchett · 08/06/2012 18:42

Shock Queenofcake just Shock. Very stylish way of dealing with it.

I think the OP is dealing with the fallout from the text right now.

Good luck VIX

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