to ask for some advice on tact and etiquette from fellow mnetters re dd's christening

[BalloonTwister]

I am not the most tactful person, so this is what I'd like to say in a nutshell, can you lot help me rephrase it into something less offensive so I know what to say if anyone asks what dd would like as a christening gift please?

"I'm not expecting you to buy her anything, I just want you to share the day. She is fed and clothed, and has lots of toys. Rather than spend your hard earned cash on a load of silver plated souvenirs, stick a couple of quid in her trust fund for when she's old enough to choose something herself."

The above is of course both rude and entitled, and sounds extremely grabby, which I am really not. I am not expecting presents, but my dm assures me that people will buy them, so, how can I diplomatically ask people to put into a trust fund rather than buy traditional gifts, (if they wish to that is) without resorting to poems and making anyone feel they are expected to?

No, definitely not on par with a wedding. The childhood book suggestion is genius though, you can't go wrong with that one.

Cheers m'dears. The Tiger Who Came To Tea and Mog the Forgetful Cat shall reign supreme. Lovely idea, much appreciated.

notnow We've had our 3dds christened in the last 5 years and have received gifts from everyone who attended. Gifts were mainly photo frames and money banks. I would say the value of gifts ranged from around £7 to £30. The majority of gifts were definately around the £10-£15 mark. My nephew was christened last year and I spent £15 on his gift though it looked far more expensive than that.

Christening gift value definately not on a par with wedding gifts though.

Also love the childhood book idea. We got beautiful box sets of Beatrix Potter as a gift from the twins godmother and when we had dd3 christened she bought her a box set of Winnie the Pooh books. A lovely keepsake

I once received a wedding card which said on it "no boxed gifts please" which clearly meant just give money

I find the phrase "Trust Fund" rather off putting. If someone asked me to contribute to their child's trust fund I would think they were expecting thousands.

Balloon what is your main aim here?

1. You don't want more baby clutter

1. You want money for your child's future
2. You want to support a charity.

I think if you are clear about what you are saying to people - if it comes up, I understand you are not announcing this- then you will find the words.

Asking for contributions to a trust fund is very different from what Acekicker did.

In my experience some people will have something they always give a baby being christened and some people will ask for guidance.

You are invited to the Christening of X

We were overwhelmed with the generosity of our friends and relatives when she was born. X now has clothing for at least the next year and a number of silver keepsakes, including a silver money box. Thank you all.

If you are considering a second gift a contribution to X's money box would be most welcome.

If I got an invite which said 'no boxed gifts olease ' I would be sorely temtped to take something awkardly out of its box....like a handful of Lego...or an ant farm.

I have been to a Christening where a John Lewis gift list was included with the invite......

But this was the same person who included a gift list in with her wedding invite to my parents who were ONLY invited to the Church bit, not the evening do at all.

And she had an engagement party, hen party (her sister organised the gifts and said they should be proper gifts, not tacky shit), baby shower x2 and Christening x2.

Gifty McGiftyson.

For the love of God, do not say 'no boxed gifts' - this is just the most cringeworthily grabby way of asking for cash, like, ever, since the dawn of time.

With regards to our wedding, we specifically said 'no gifts please' as our wedding was abroad (as in 'abroad' abroad - the other side of the world) and we were just delighted if people even came. I was horrified when people gave us cash instead. DH is Irish, so I should have foreseen it, but just didn't. Even all my lot did, too. I cringe just recalling it - but the upshot is, that people (who you love/like enough to deem worthy enough of including in special events) simply want to give, and if you say 'no gifts' people will find another way of giving. So, problem solved. :)

Gnocchi - I like your style.

Gnocchi - lol good point!

I've never heard 'no boxed gifts' before. It would be so tempting to do something like Gnocchi suggests.

Op why not just enjoy the christening without thinking about what people will and won't buy your child?!

And if someone asked for no boxed gift I'd think they were a stuck up twat

Balloon, you are grasping, grabby and entitled. I can't believe you're planning on sending out an instruction with the invitations that they must give money.

Or perhaps I've misread your OP and subsequent posts .

Unless you are a godparent, for a Christening you'd be looking to give a token sized present anyway - probably a nice book or toy. And many (especially if it's in their Parish) wouldn't bring a present anyhow.

Books/toys are easy to give away should you have too many.

If you are going to ask for cash, then I suggest you ask for donations to the church, or ask the vicar for permission for a retiring collection to a charity of your choice.

Slight tangent but am I the only person who cynically thinks people invite lots of people to christenings to get lots of gifts? I see no need for anyone other than family and godparents to be there. It's a little like inviting loads of people to a one year olds 'birthday party' IMO

I have a list of 39 people coming to DDs christening. It's got bugger all to do with presents. It's to do with celebrating our baby girl with our friends.
We've said we don't want any presents. We just want a nice day.

As I said, McKayz, it's the cynic in me, but it does make me wonder about some people when we get various invitations to the christenings of children whose parents we barely know. It's like people want to bump up the numbers and seems rather odd

I have a step dad and step brothers so I have 4 siblings and then their DPs and I suppose it adds up once we've invited them and parents and in laws. Then godparents and their partners.

My XMIL made us invite her mums cousins cousins daughter to DS1s christening. XH had never even met her.

If you are suggesting books to people, if they ask, please can you direct them to NickelBooks who do mail order and are LOVELY

MSV the OP has said LOADS of times that she is only preparing for when people ASK her what to buy she is not putting a note in the invitations or anything crass like that

I'd leave it and let people buy or give what they want. We had a mixture of religious gifts (Bible's, children's prayer books), toys especially Noah's arks and cheques. We put all the cheques in DD's account. Let people buy what makes them happy.

I always give a personalised framed prayer so would ignore you anyway.

Never ask for cash or suggest a route like 'put something into a Trust Fund'. People will be embarrassed because they know you will know how much they have given. Stick to 'No gifts, thank you'.

I'ma godparent three times over..Never had anyone but me and godfather have to buy pressies?

Christenings are about God, not gifts. I'd keep my mouth shut, accept the twenty bibles, be thrilled they showed up to be apart of such a special day for your child and hock the bibles on eBay, and use that money for her trust fund. :)

Honestly anything else would make me feel (if I was a guest) that this was just an excuse for money, not about religion.