to ask for some advice on tact and etiquette from fellow mnetters re dd's christening

[BalloonTwister]

I am not the most tactful person, so this is what I'd like to say in a nutshell, can you lot help me rephrase it into something less offensive so I know what to say if anyone asks what dd would like as a christening gift please?

"I'm not expecting you to buy her anything, I just want you to share the day. She is fed and clothed, and has lots of toys. Rather than spend your hard earned cash on a load of silver plated souvenirs, stick a couple of quid in her trust fund for when she's old enough to choose something herself."

The above is of course both rude and entitled, and sounds extremely grabby, which I am really not. I am not expecting presents, but my dm assures me that people will buy them, so, how can I diplomatically ask people to put into a trust fund rather than buy traditional gifts, (if they wish to that is) without resorting to poems and making anyone feel they are expected to?

I think ask for no presents and cross your fingers for money to be given. I wouldn't suggest the trust fund unless asked about it.

Sorry, no useful advice, just marking my place as I'm going to need the same advice soon!

I have never come across anyone who ever asked what to buy.

If I did, I might suggest a donation to one of the church's mission partners.

just tell them no gifts, thank you.

How many people are you having? Can you speak to people and judge who is likely to be offended/not offended by the request?

About 80! My mum is one of 10, dh's dad is one of 8, so lots of family (abundance of elderly relatives who would be very hurt not to be invited) plus close friends. Maybe I should just go with no gifts.....

If anyone asks what you'd like for your DD, why not suggest they buy clothes in a larger size for the coming seasons?

i dont see anything wrong with telling people exactly what you wrote!

most people will just put money in a card whether you tell them anything or not anyway.

i think its a bit precious to be offended by someone asking for money rather than gifts, wouldn't we all want to give something that was appreciated!!

I don't think there is a polite way of saying that, tbh. An awful lot of people will think it extremely rude. No presents is fine, but I would never ask for cash.

Perhaps you could say 'no presents' and talk to someone really close to you who absolutely would want to give something e.g. your mum about putting some money into a trust fund so that if others ask them, they can pass it on.

I think I'd just say that we don't expect any gifts, just the presence of our friends and family.
I personally wouldn't mention money or trust funds etc.

Christenings are about religion not gifts, if you dont want gifts then state that but asking for cash instead is very tacky and grasping.

Ask for donations to the church if anybody asks.

I wouldn't mention gifts at all tbh.

YABU, sorry but I really dislike it when people ask for money.

I would not ask for money or presents.

I would accept any gift with gratitude, I'd hope.

It is grabby to ask for money!

I think it's rude to ask for money and it puts people in an awkward position if they tend to search for bargain gifts that look more expensive than they actually are. Fine to say no gifts, we did this for our wedding, but I never would never ask for money instead.

I don't think you can say it. Just say nothing and hope for the best.

The Trust Fund thing does sound a bit 'grabby' I'm afraid although I can understand at a 'practical' level it makes much more sense than getting 8 silver money boxes and 10 bibles.

We put this in our invite cards:

We?ve invited you to JuniorAcekicker's Christening because we would like you to share in his special day. Whilst we do not expect you to buy him a gift, we know that some of you may wish to do so. If you don?t have anything special in mind for a present, please consider making a donation to Save the Children in lieu of a gift. JA is a very lucky little boy who will hopefully never want for anything in life; by making a donation to Save the Children, you can help make a difference to the life of another child who is not so fortunate.

We got 1 lovely adult bible from 1 god-father, 1 children's bible from the other GF and raised at least £250 for StC (cheques given to us, others told us they'd donated but no idea how much) so I reckon it worked out perfectly.

You can say no presents as DD has everything she needs, but you can't mention money. Like it or not, it does come off as grabby. It's different if people ask what they can get for her, then it can be brought up diplomatically.

Would you consider asking for donations to charity instead? Or is it money for the trust fund you were hoping for? Charities can be mentioned with no problem.

I agree - tell them no presents. Put yourself in the mind of someone who's asked you what they should get. I guarantee they will think one of three things:

1. Lovely! I shall just turn up and enjoy
2. Oh. I shall get exactly what I planned to get anyway because I know best. 3). Oh. Can I give some money?

If they think (1), it's probably nice for them not to shell out and they will like you for it. If they think 2, chances are they'd get you that gift no matter what. There's always someone like this and you can't change them so may as well grin and bear it. If they think 3, you are happy and they are happy.

Honestly, there is no need to pre-empt people asking if they can't give money.

As I said at the beginning, I don't want anything more than people to share the day. I love what Acekicker put, can I steal it please?

I'm not being grabby, at least not on my own behalf. I do want to save as much money for her as possible ( hangover from all the years trying to save deposit for a house probably) but wouldn't dream of putting the onus for that on christening guests) however think Save the Children is a much nicer idea, :)

You can ask for, 'no boxed gifts pleaae'.

Of course, go for it!

Hi Balloon twister. I would just leave it at the no presents, as the other's said.

Acekicker's note is a good one.

X-post! Sorry.