To get rid of my fucking horrible cat? (long - sorry)

[ilovedarthmaul]

She is a house cat that goes in the garden sometimes and we got her from the cats protection league 8 years ago. She has NEVER wanted fuss/strokes etc - she wont come near anyone (well she does a bit with me but i suspect thats only cos i feed her!) At first we thought it was because she is settling in but she has never got any better. Over the last 8 years she has systematically DESTROYED our house.

She pisses EVERYWHERE - she wont go on a litter tray at all (we have tried everything we can think of) - she scratches the walls/lead off the doors - even when the doors are fucking open! and rips the carpet to bits. Ive come in today from work and she has pissed on the settee - ive washed the cushion covers but its sunk into the hard/foam bottom bits - im soooo fucking mad - i cant afford new cushions or settee but dont know what i can do to get it out. If there are DC teddies/soft toys on the floor she pisses on those so they have to be thrown away - if i have folded washing up and put it on the arm of the chair/bottom of the stairs she will piss on that too. She climbed onto our dining table the other day & pissed on that as well. - Where we eat!!!!!

i should point out that we have had her checked by the vets and she hasnt got anything wrong with her (cystitus/water infection etc) and her litter tray is ALWAYS clean. I try & put her out in the garden as much as possible but she was attacked by next doors dog last year so i daren't leaver her out whilst im at work.

i feel like crying - im terrified that our house STINKS and we are used to it.

Im not an animal hater - so please dont flame me - i just get no joy out of her & a shit-load of stress and work!

I dont even know if anyone will take an incontinent, grumpy, horrible cat anyway but if they would would i be being unreasonable?

thanks for listening - feel slightly better after my rant!

am off to pick DC up now & think about how i can get the smell of cat-piss out of my sofa!

Darth x

ilovedarthmaul No problem, I hope it works for you. Use the shiny side up obviously . She should only do it once. Cats hate walking on tin foil so it you could put it down in her "pee hot spots" too but she'd probably just pee next to it. Might be worth a try? :)

Good luck :)

I had two cats and one used to piss everywhere and poo as well - it was awful. I used to cry my eyes out because my house smelled. He was run over earlier this year and I know it's awful but it was a relief.

I just have one cat now, who is continent (but still annoying. He STARES at me all the time - drives me mad.)

No more cats!!

ewww cats gross stupid things I hate them. They remind me of that little boy out of fatal attraction.

I have 4 cats (2 go outside when they want to and 2 are houescats) I love them to bits but no way could I put up with what you have OP. Re-home or PTS would be my advice.

why is she a house cat? What makes a cat a house cat? and Lol at a cats thread where everyone hates cats. Wouldn't happen on Dogsnet

YANBU. I have two feliway diffusers going in my house which have made a big improvement (I have a pisser too- also a loud meower which has also settled with feliway) they are expensive but cheaper than throwing away stuff. I'm also trying the spray as he's been scratching the stairs. I noticed yesterday he was about to scratch and then stopped so I think it's working. In the past I've had success with double sided sticky tape and scratching they don't like it sticking to their paws. My cat is ten and has always been like this, I don't think there is anything physically wrong with him, but I do think he has mental problems.

I've tried loads of things too (hormone injections, diet, clomicalm, cat run/flap, medications, urine tests, homeopathics, even a chiropractor!. including feliway in the past (which didn't work but in this new house it has) I wouldn't have rehomed him as I would worry that who ever took him on may mistreat him due to his "anti social ness" so as much as I love him, and he actually is a lovely little cat; I was seriously considering putting him down if feliway followed by a complete medical work-up didn't work. Fortunately feliway has worked. I don't care what any of the "pro lifers" think it is horrible living with a pissing cat.

I'm a horse person (although I love cats) and quite often with a horse, you have to all sorts of relationship building stuff with it to get the best out of it. This includes sorting out their environment. I go to a lot of trouble to ensure my horses get close enough to their natural lifestyle as possible, ie spending some of their time living in a herd with other horses, while still being able to do what I want with them (riding, competing).

I must admit I don't think cats are meant to be "house cats" and I think a lot of behavioural problems must stem from this. Your cat is probably expressing some behaviour that would either work well outdoors in its natural environment or as a stress reaction.

You sound as though you have no relationship with your cat, and the cat doesn't like you as you provide no reassurance. In return, the cat provides you with a similar response.

You could probably do things to improve this relationship. I'm no cat expert but I'm sure they exist. I personally would look at some way of enabling the cat to get outdoors, safely, and of zoning your house. I'm sure there are plenty of tips on the internet. Either that or you may be incredibly unlucky to find someone out there who can rehome your cat.

Wouldn't happen on Dogsnet

I love the fact that the Cat owners on MN are so sane! Such a relief.

Good luck OP.

A few years back I went to stay with my sister.

Her cat pissed in my (as yet unpacked) suitcase.

She now has a dog.

I just have one cat now, who is continent (but still annoying. He STARES at me all the time - drives me mad.)

water That made me laugh, he's probably wondering how to get rid of you! I'm not a big cat person I had one who shat in the bath every day. Op I don't know how you've coped for so long.

Mmm I'm with Alistron, I suspect next door's dog may be a big part of this problem (but don't know how long it's been in the scene), in which case getting rid may be the only solution.

Princess's 16 year old demented fosteree OTOH should be PTS IMO, and I would judge the cat rescue concerned quite harshly for not doing so.

Just a thought re the idea of a Run outside.. won't the cat then live in a permanent state of even higher stress being trapped outside in the vicinity of a dog that attacked her? With no way of 'escaping'?

I had a 2 cats rehomed 14 years ago due to similar problems and just couldn't cope with a new born's bedding being urinated on despite all attempts to separate the baby and cats...
We were not proud and I 'banned' us from having anything other than very small animals (fish/hamsters).

I think the reality of 8 years of dealing with it shows that the OP isn't just selfishly giving up on the pet.

quoteunquote Fri 08-Jun-12 18:42:06
The cat protection will take the cat back, when any cat comes through their process, they make a commitment to that cat, they do say when you get a cat from them, that they will take it back should your situation change.

Erm no they don't - I have this experience, rehomed a cat, six months later he started attacking everyone and they would not take him back, no way hosey. They said I would have to find him another home or pay for him to be PTS.

but I still don't understand why cats are confined to the house. I have had many cats and they have all been allowed in and out as they please through the cat flap. It's no wonder the cat is unhappy if its not allowed out. Cats need freedom

Darth - Your cat is showing symptoms of being bored, unhappy & stressed. But don't worry - You CAN stop the bad behaviour (eg. peeing on carpet) & help her to become a nice, happier pet & you will be a happier owner.

YANBU for finding your cat's behaviour stressful yourself!! :)

3 POSITIVE STORIES:

1. My Dad has a semi-feral outdoors cat aged 15.

She was always 'aloof' & avoided company. But in the last 3 years she has mellowed & is now THE softest, soppiest cat i have ever met - constantly demanding a fuss.

1. A friend rescued an 8 year old cat. She peed on my friend's carpet & rugs constantly but gradually, with effort & advice - she uses her tray (most of the time).

She hated being touched but has slowly become a 'lap cat' - on her terms.

1. My (RSPCA rescue) cat was aggressive & had serious behavioural problems... she's still 'feisty' (actually has such a bad rep at the vets that there's a warning on her notes!). But she has improved hugely - & if she can; then any cat can!!

LITTER TRAY - get the largest size, not covered, move it to a new place - position it in a corner away from windows & glass doors where 'outside' cats & foxes can look in (make sure there's furniture between the tray & the back or front door; & don't let anyone look at her when she goes in the tray.

Cats have to feel secure & safe from threats before they will pee & poo - they get easily disturbed & hate a messy tray - any of those things will be enough to make them pee / poo elsewhere.

Use fine 'clumping' cat litter - i recommend Pets At Home's own brand. It should be approx 2 inches deep.

Scoop & get rid of any 'clumps' of pee (& poo) - remove even the tiniest clumps - with a litter scoop; sprinkle the clean litter with Bob Martin litter freshener powder & stir in.
An odour neutraliser aerosol spray gets rid of bad smells; remove the litter & use a very diluted mixture of bleach & hot water to wash the tray weekly at least.

Now she's in the habit of peeing in certain places it will be hard to stop her as she has marked her territory. She may never totally stop but hopefully she will improve a lot.
All the bleach & disinfectant in the world will not put her off her 'targets' (ahem) BUT you CAN use a deterrent (see below) if you catch her peeing. Also cover the 'target areas' with strong citrus scents (eg. natural citronella oil).

DETERRENT - don't bother using a water spray as she will think you want to play; many cats like water.
See under 'ATTENTION' below.
Try a HAIR DRYER!! - my cat's 'pet hate': Noisy & blows her fur about. Get a travel hairdryer - if she tries to pee on carpet / furniture or destroy furniture then plug in & give her a quick blast for just a few seconds (any longer & she may get too used to it!)
TO BE KIND - hold the hairdryer no less than 2 feet away, must avoid her eyes.
Just plugging the hairdryer in has been enough to get my cat away from her 'scratching target'.
When you use the 'hairdryer deterrent' DO NOT look straight at your cat or shout at her - those 2 things are counter-productive as they are 'attention' which is what all cats crave.

DO NOT use this deterrent anywhere near her litter tray!!

PAW COVERS - use indoors on her paws so she can't scratch furniture. (I will find out their brand name!)

BOOKS ON CAT BEHAVIOUR - I can recommend a couple - will find them.

REMEMBER - cats are like toddlers - need constant stimulation, easily bored - & being an indoor cat means she will be VERY bored.

Cats are natural hunters & are designed to be outdoors.
My cat is a semi-indoor cat: She was 5 months old & had never been outside when i adopted her. I kept her inside for 3 months so we bonded & she got used to the house. She was terrified of the garden at first & couldn't jump fences - but now she loves her time outside. She will only stay outside a maximum of 3 hours ever; & 'checks up on me' every hour. She actually has panic attacks if i go out & leave her in the garden (so I don't leave her out when i'm asleep or at work). She won't use a cat flap.
BUT she goes stir crazy after anymore than 2 days indoors.
Even just 1 hour outside in 2 days is enough to keep her happy - if she doesn't get that then her behaviour is VERY SCARY.

TRY a cat harness if you don't want to let her run free - my Swedish friends live in apartments, have indoor cats & use cat harnesses to take their cats for short walks. Sounds odd - but it's normal in Sweden apparently?

It will be difficult at first but your cat would benefit from even just half an hour of fresh hour near your home or in a garden.
AVOID going near loud traffic & dogs obviously!

BONDING - To make a cat like you - eye contact is VERY important. Never stare, smile at your cat a lot & close your eyes briefly when you smile.

Put your hand up to your cats nose for her to sniff before you touch her.
Start by just stroking her ears - all animals love that - even the fiercest ones.

ATTENTION - your cat may be unfriendly but trust me; all pets crave attention; even negative attention (eg. being shouted at).

By shouting at her for peeing or scratching inappropriately you are feeding her need for attention! Any smacking is also attention & will make her aggressive.

Even looking at your cat when she is scratching furniture is enough to show that she has got your attention.
It's like having a very naughty child in the home. You have to think like 'SuperNanny'!!

When she is bad - use a deterrent (quick blast of the hairdryer) but blank her & do not speak to her or look at her. Or silently & quickly pick her up & move her from the target of scratching / peeing but don't hold her close to you so she gets nothing out of being picked up.

When she is good (ie. NOT peeing on carpet / scratching furniture) - reward her with a quick stroke on the ears or a play (see below).
If she's sleeping leave her alone.

SLEEPING - my cat hates cat baskets.
She varies her sleeping places - but they are always up high: on a chair / the sofa / the top of the stairs OR somewhere warm, dark & 'safe:' in my pile of clean clothes awaiting ironing!! or under the a bed next to the wall.

PLAYING - Cats get BORED very easily - if they have no stimulation their mental health suffers & they develop bad habits quickly to amuse themselves.

MY cat ignores all shop bought cat toys & cat nip.
She likes to chase string or ribbon (if i pull the other end), or balls of rolled up tinfoil waved in her face & then thrown quickly for her to run & 'catch'.
She is fascinated by drops of water flicked at her or a dripping tap.
She loves to watch light on the wall from a pen torch & tries to chase it.
She WON'T play on her own - EXCEPT with feathers i pick up outside (best ones are approx. 10cm long - gently wipe off any dirt & check the feather for fleas etc. - but DON'T wash it or you get rid of the bird smell which cats love).

If she isn't used to playing then she won't 'get it' straight away - you have to persevere.
Eye contact & body language is key. Look at her, widen your eyes, you have to act excited about wanting to play - just like with a young toddler!

Sorry for the essay - BUT you can succeed with your cat, honestly - & it's challenging but it's worth the sense of achievement you will get from helping your cat to improve her behaviour & become a happy cat.

PM if you want any more advice.

Good luck!

Funnys some cats chose not to go outside. I have had several cats, and despite being allowed freedom, some of them chose to "be confined" to the house.

Some owners prefer their cats do not go outside.

One of my relatives has cats that have always gone outside, but they now stay inside all the time. Nothing has changed. No kids, no house moving, nothing. The cats will simply no longer leave the house.

And from what I can remember from the OP, the cat was allowed out but had an unfortunate incident where it was attacked by a dog.

One of my cats pees everywhere if left indoors.

He now lives outside with his bed and blankets, water and food in the shed. He still comes in for 15 mins to nose round, but it's not long until he's crying to go out again.

He's just not happy indoors.

Darth - sorry re: paw covers - only try as a last resort & only indoors; your cat is 8 years old & may get distressed or not tolerate them.
Better used on kittens who are going to live as indoor cats.
She needs her claws, even inside, for scratching herself, diggng in her litter tray, to support herself when jumping onto the sofa for a sleep, climbing stairs, (& scratching YOU of course!!).

THE BOOK: I learnt a lot from: 'Know Your Cat' (subtitle - 'Understand how your cat thinks and behaves') by Francesca Riccomini, published by Hamlyn (ISBN 978-0-600-61706-8). It's a large Hardback book, approx A4 size, 160 pages, & illustrated with lots of nice colour photos of cats.
Cost £14.99 but i got it cheaper, as it was published 2008.

Most useful sections for you are:
'Feline Senses' pg 14 - 17; 'Survival & territory' pg 19; 'Communication' pg 20 - 21; 'Defusing tension' pg 23; 'How do cats view us?' pg 33 -35;
'Territory' pg 46 -47; 'Territorial concerns' pg 48; 'Territorial labelling' pg 50 - 55;
'Aggression' pg 56 - 57; 'Stress & fear' pg. 58 - 59; 'Fitness & knowledge' pg 60 -61;
'Toileting behaviour; Providing the right conditions; Instilling good habits' pg 62 - 67;
'Reading your cat' pg 72 - 73; 'Each cat is unique' pg 78 - 79; 'Really knowing your cat' pg 81; 'Exceptions prove the rule' pg 89;
'Indoor cats' pg 106 - 107; 'How your cat sees his home' pg 108 - 109; 'Ideal homes' pg 112 - 113;
'Playing & socializing' pg 114 - 115;
'Feline lower urinary cat disease' pg 128 - 129;
'De-stressing your cat' pg 132 - 134;
'Problem Behaviour' (includes 'House soiling'; 'Aggression'; 'Frustration'; 'Anxiety & stress'; 'Attention seeking') pg 148 - 157.

Rescued animals (cats, dogs, horses etc...) are difficult as you don't know their 'life story' - even if you got the cat as a kitten - she may not have been 'socialized' properly (like my cat!).
It's also part of their appeal - because it makes them unique & interesting.

MORE TOYS:
Try putting cardboard boxes, pieces of paper, & paper bags on the floor for your cat to play or hide in - they love the rustling noise of paper, & cardboard is warm.

GETTING HER TO LIKE YOU:
Talk to your cat a lot (with eye contact but not staring) - use a soft but higher pitched tone as cats hear higher frequencies than we do.

Cats get scared & put off by men & women who speak to them in loud, lower voices.

It's useful to know that they communicate with other cats using high pitched noises eg. chirrups & squeaks; body language & eye contact.

She has lived with you for 8 years but she hasn't properly noticed or bonded with you because maybe you haven't communicated in a positive way that interests her (not your fault though!!).
Once she actually gets interested in listening to you talk & watching your eye contact; then she may decide she would to like to have your affection.

I've known several older rescue & even feral cats that have changed from being nervous & aloof to being soft & affectionate this way.

GETTING HER TO USE A LITTER TRAY:
If you see your cat acting as if she is going to pee elsewhere then pick her up & put her in her (cosy, private, clean) litter tray - repeat until she gets it. But DON'T stress her or talk to her loudly when near the tray - ignore her once she's in it. If she just gets out then let her; don't force her to stay in it - the smallest thing could put her off using the tray.
Don't let loud men, small children or other animals near the tray at all - it has to be her territory, touched only by you when necessary; & she has to feel that no 'predators' (ie humans) will 'attack' (ie disturb or watch her) when she uses it.

Does your cat pee / poo on your carpets etc. as privately as possible (relieving herself) or is she 'spraying' / 'middening'? The 2 things are totally different.

It's very unusual for female neutered cats to 'spray' urine (to mark territory & communicate to others) or 'midden' (pooing solely for the purpose of marking territory - very unusual in most cats).

If you think she's doing it for that reason, then it may mean she feels insecure about your home being her own territory - but it's a habit that must & can change.

But it sounds more like your cat has just got in the bad habit of using your home as a toilet when she should use a litter tray.
So the litter tray has to be the most appealing place for her to use; & you have to break the habit of peeing elsewhere using the methods i described, & covering the scent of her urine with a scent she hates.

But it can be done, worth a try definitely. :)

Sorry for long messages btw - i just find both human & animal behaviour very interesting & read lots about it.

One final thing - your DH will need to join in with your efforts to get the cat to use her tray.
He will also have to talk to her quietly - if he shouts it will stress her more & she will just pee in corners more! (Bit like bedwetting in a child - the more anxious the child is, then the more likely the bedwetting is - same with animals).

Having pets is the best learning experience for children, even toddlers. If they can learn to behave considerately & appropriately around animals; then they will cope with a lot of situations in life.

Cats often lash out at children if they deliberately try to touch her while she's asleep or relaxing for example.
If they are approx 2 years or above then in simple terms explain that 'the cat needs to be toilet trained - to use her litter tray. So we must help her by being very quiet near her tray' (for example).

Also your DC will enjoy getting the cat to play but they must be supervised & know when she's had enough playing or fuss.

Learning to live with a cat with 'issues' will help your children's emotional & social development; but don't leave them alone with the cat - cats are unpredictable & have sharp weapons!! (I used to call my cat 'pitbull' for a good reason!! Luckily i can now trust her with children).

Yes you are being unreasonable. Why should you pass your poor cat and its problems onto someone else? You and your cat sound really unhappy. Everyone needs to realise that cats are not like dogs. They are very independent, solitary animals and some just don't make good pets. I have pedigree cats for the very reason that you can usually be pretty sure of their temperaments. (Afrika is a cat)

The first thing is to go back to Cats Protection (I work as a volunteer for them). They will help you with the pissing problem. They have behaviorists who work with them specifically for this type of thing.

Secondly, buy a Feliway infuser. This will make the cat less stressed.

Third, the best way to tackle cats urine is IMMEDIATELY. You can buy stuff from Pets at Home which will not only get rid of the smell but also deter the cat from going there again. Always keep a bottle of soda water to hand and drench the accident as soon as it happens, this will stop the smell bedding in.

Lastly, the litter tray may be clean but where is it? Check it isn't in a place with high traffice or close to feeding bowls. Also, some of the harder wood based litter may be hurting the cat's feet. Gradually change to something softer.

Sorry to start off sounding so harsh - believe me, I do sympathise, one of my cats was doubly incontinent and it isn't nice. You can be sure your cat is trying to tell you something. Get all the help you can to try and find out what that something is.

The key is then that cats are not supposed to be confined at home and will become unhappy and badly behaved. I have had cats all of my life and they have always been able to roam about as they pleased. I have never had a litter tray and they have always gone in the garden and covered it up. In the right context a cat makes a great pet, but they do need freedom.

Not much help to you OP I know, but as a general rule I would think having a house cat would always be potentially problematic. Except of course when the cat has made this choice itself.

Afikasmum - my cat is like a dog but she's (possibly) a Persian type cat (very long fur, small with short legs, big round eyes (innocent or demonic depending on mood!) but not the ultra-pedigree squashed face.
Friends who've had similar cats say that long-haired cats have a friendly temperment but can be noisy.
Well. OMG. My cat wails like a baby when i walk away from her, acts like she's been abandoned if i've been to work or out socially, growls like a dog but Worse, hisses, squeaks loudly & grumpily, & follows me EVERYWHERE. If i go in the shower she stands on her back legs pounding the door with her front paws.
I can't even go in the bathroom in peace!!!
She needs daily brushing & hates it, growls & hisses the whole time. Maybe she should have actually been a dog or snake.
Oh, and she has 2 boy-cat stalkers who adore it when she tries to kill them. Weirdos. Talking of weirdos, she flirts with any man i don't like.
And she costs me a fortune in cat food, vets bills, & cat litter.
She is so clueless at hunting but tries her best, lucky she's got me to feed her.
(Love her really).

YANBU. We had a similar cat, who started pissing everywhere when DC1 was born. The vet gave her some milk protein pill things, which calmed her down, and we used a Feliway diffuser too. They definitely helped, but the one thing that really worked at making our house stink less was having her re-homed via the local cats' shelter. They had a long waiting list and I was sorely tempted just to leave her on their doorstep (she was microchipped, though, so they would have brought her back...) but eventually they rang to ask if I still wanted to get rid of her (not their exact words) and I practically wept with relief. She ended up living with a nice old lady who could give her the peace and quiet she apparently craved.