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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To get rid of my fucking horrible cat? (long - sorry)

247 replies

ilovedarthmaul · 08/06/2012 15:23

She is a house cat that goes in the garden sometimes and we got her from the cats protection league 8 years ago. She has NEVER wanted fuss/strokes etc - she wont come near anyone (well she does a bit with me but i suspect thats only cos i feed her!) At first we thought it was because she is settling in but she has never got any better. Over the last 8 years she has systematically DESTROYED our house.

She pisses EVERYWHERE - she wont go on a litter tray at all (we have tried everything we can think of) - she scratches the walls/lead off the doors - even when the doors are fucking open! and rips the carpet to bits. Ive come in today from work and she has pissed on the settee - ive washed the cushion covers but its sunk into the hard/foam bottom bits - im soooo fucking mad - i cant afford new cushions or settee but dont know what i can do to get it out. If there are DC teddies/soft toys on the floor she pisses on those so they have to be thrown away - if i have folded washing up and put it on the arm of the chair/bottom of the stairs she will piss on that too. She climbed onto our dining table the other day & pissed on that as well. - Where we eat!!!!!

i should point out that we have had her checked by the vets and she hasnt got anything wrong with her (cystitus/water infection etc) and her litter tray is ALWAYS clean. I try & put her out in the garden as much as possible but she was attacked by next doors dog last year so i daren't leaver her out whilst im at work.

i feel like crying - im terrified that our house STINKS and we are used to it.

Im not an animal hater - so please dont flame me - i just get no joy out of her & a shit-load of stress and work!

I dont even know if anyone will take an incontinent, grumpy, horrible cat anyway but if they would would i be being unreasonable?

thanks for listening - feel slightly better after my rant!

am off to pick DC up now & think about how i can get the smell of cat-piss out of my sofa!

Darth x

OP posts:
MummySunshine · 08/06/2012 15:55

Don't listen to the judgey pants cat brigade people OP, I'm a cat person but there's only so much you can take, and it sounds like cat is unhappy too.

It's been 8 years, I'm sure OP has done all research and tried everything she can.

JamieandTheOlympicTorch · 08/06/2012 15:55

This sounds like a behavioural problem resulting from stress - if I were you I'd have a look at some of the websites that advise on behavioural problems, or ask for this thread to be moved to the cat-lovers forum.

It must be a PITA - our cat went through some very odd times when the DSs were small - spraying and clawing everything in sight.

Maybe nothing can be done. If you have no goodwill left for her maybe it is better to get her re-homed

Polyethyl · 08/06/2012 15:58

Feliway diffusers are good for subtle relaxation of a stressed cat - but its not going to create a complete character transformation. A garden run, or rehoming are options... but so is having the cat put down. Rehoming isn't likely to be successful, who would want her. She's just a cat.

JamieandTheOlympicTorch · 08/06/2012 15:59

I have just got a new (expensive but worth it) cat flap, which sense your cat's microchip so only they can get in the house. A male cat was getting in and spraying and that was making ours very insecure. I think some cats hate children. Ours has only become affectionate in the last year or so (she's 14). I think it's a combination of her old age and the children being quieter and more predictable

hockeyforjockeys · 08/06/2012 16:04

YANBU, and I say that as somebody who puts up with a cat who suffers from diarrhoea regularly and is prone to making a mess around the house. However he is very loving and full of personality so I'm happy to put up with it, and just invest heavily in kitchen roll and disinfectant instead.

With yours it sound like she is detrimental to your quality of life and you've given it a good shot. I couldn't put up with it, and wouldn't judge anyone who had a cat rehomed under similar circumstances. Don't listen to anyone who tries to make you feel guilty about this, it's probably best for everybody (including the cat).

AdventuresWithVoles · 08/06/2012 16:05

Gawd you are a saint; I was quite open with CPL about circumstances that I could imagine causing me to send the cats back. I would not have tolerated all that for 8 minutes yrs.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 08/06/2012 16:09

White vinegar might help kill the smell of cat wee. We had an elderly cat who started weeing indoors and I used white vinegar - the smell of the chippy does linger for a while (hours/a day) but frankly that's better than the cat wee and does kill the wee smell.

Maybe your family and the cat just don't 'fit', personality-wise - and that's not a criticism of you or the cat - it's a kind of personality clash, and if so, you'd probably all be happier if the cat went to another home. In my opinion, that's doing the best thing for the cat and for you.

notnowImreading · 08/06/2012 16:11

As far as the pee goes, a two-stage scrub with first biological washing powder dissolved in hot water followed by surgical spirit will get rid of the smell (even to her so she won't go on peeing in the same places). We did this when our cat was pissing everywhere. The reason she was doing it was that she had a massive bladder stone. Have you had an X-ray of her bladder? It didn't show up on normal tests for our cat, including the vet having a good feel.

To be honest, though, if you've had her checked out and she is not ill, then I don't think you'd be unreasonable to find her a new home, especially with children in the house.

sereneswan · 08/06/2012 16:13

A garden run, or rehoming are options... but so is having the cat put down. Rehoming isn't likely to be successful, who would want her. She's just a cat.

Speechless. Put down??????? WTF???? There are shelters where semi-feral cats are rehomed in chalets in volunteers' gardens - even this would be an option for her, and might be nice for her.

And if it weren't for the fact that I already have a traumatised, timid cat who would freak out if we got a new cat, I would have this one. Hand on heart, I would see what I could do for her.

throckenholt · 08/06/2012 16:24

Honest answer ? I would have her put down (and wouldn't have stuck it as long as you have). If she was younger I would return her to the CPL - but after 8 years she has ingrained habits that are likely to be impossible to break. There are more than enough cats in the world, it is not worth keeping this one. Anyone wanting to adopt a cat would do better going for one of the thousands of perfectly likeable cats that need a home.

Being responsible pet owners doesn't always mean that all animals should be kept at all costs.

BetterChoicesChair · 08/06/2012 16:24

My Mum's cat is like this, except she was pooping everywhere instead of peeing Sad. DM (a lifelong cat lover) was at her wits end trying to keep on top of the constant clean-up. Like yours, the cat was checked by a vet and there doesn't appear to be anything wrong so it's been chalked up to dementia or senility. My Mum has had to resort to keeping her shut in their (very large) bathroom with her bowls and own litter tray and actually the cat seems much happier. Perhaps it has reduced her stress levels (they have two other cats and a dog).

sereneswan · 08/06/2012 16:51

Honest answer ? I would have her put down

Would a vet even comply if an owner like you wanted to put a cat like this down?? I'm hoping not - I'm hoping they'd just take her off your hands and give her to a charity. Surely they have to adhere to some kind of code of practice that would stop owners putting down healthy cats they don't like/want?

Polyethyl · 08/06/2012 16:54

Yes vets do put down healthy but unwanted animals. Animals don't have a right to life.

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 08/06/2012 16:55

I dont think its a case of op not wanting or liking the cat, the cat is pissing everywhere. As I said my cats did this systematically for ages and it was a bloody nightmare, my lounge stank and I tried everything to get rid of the smell not nothing, absolutely nothing works, not on continued cat pee anyway. It's easy to judge but believe me, when its your cat doing it in your house, esp when you have kids, its awful!

And yes, I bet a vet would have the cat put to sleep!

throckenholt · 08/06/2012 16:55

A cat that has spent 8 years peeing all over it's home is not a healthy cat. It is one that has a serious problem - it may not be a medical problem that a vet can detect, but it is a health problem never the less.

AdventuresWithVoles · 08/06/2012 16:56

Healthy animals are put down every day just so we can EAT them. Don't see what's so special about a cat. Especially a cat that could very difficult to rehome & living out its remaining years in a rescue pen isn't a great quality of life, either.

DamnBamboo · 08/06/2012 16:58

Have her rehomed, I wouldn't tolerate this either but it depends on how much you love your animal and if you want to keep her.

Spice17 · 08/06/2012 16:58

I'm a bit sad about this, a pet is supposed to be for life after all. When kids play up, draw on the walls, wee on the carpet you don't get rid of them (maybe because no one else will have them but that's beside the point! :)

My feeling is, you made a descion to get her in the first place, so keep her unless she'll be genuinely happier/ better off elsewhere

DamnBamboo · 08/06/2012 17:00

Please don't compare rehoming a cat to getting rid of children.

Really!

throckenholt · 08/06/2012 17:03

I am an animal lover - have had animals all my life. But I get very fed up when I hear people say things like a pet is for life - you decided to have it you have to keep it come what may. They are not like children - they are animals and some things are just not tolerable in a pet. In my book this includes vicious animals, and ones that constantly foul (without a treatable cause).

There are so many decent animals available as pets it is not worth making your life hell to keep one of the rogue ones. Especially if you have a family who are trying to live in the house.

sleepsforwimps2010 · 08/06/2012 17:04

a few years ago we moved in to a flat were there had been a cat. the pee smell was dreadful! nothing seemed to shift it until I tried 'simple solution cat urine' got it from pets at home, one use and smell was gone!

VenusStarr · 08/06/2012 17:06

Your cat sounds similar to my mom's cat. She would wee everywhere, even on my mom's bed -when she was in it!! My mom was constantly cleaning up after the cat. We think that she was stressed.

They now confine her to her own room when they are out and then she has the run of the downstairs and the actual stairs (all upstairs doors shut) and this seems to have solved their problems. She is still a little grump, but she does have affection for my mom and dad, but it's very much on her terms. And she will sit on my mom if my mom sits entirely still and doesn't touch her!

Do you think it would be possible to try to keep her to certain rooms? It particularly helped at night time to put grumpy puss in her own room, nod she knows 'bedtime' and often takes herself off to bed. I hope you get something sorted where you and the cat feel happier.

HeathRobinson · 08/06/2012 17:15

YANBU and well done for lasting 8 years! I like cats, but 8 years! I think you've tried your hardest and should either contact CPL or have her put down.

lovebunny · 08/06/2012 17:22

get rid. but how? do you mean have her put down? if the vet will, perhaps its the best idea.
alternatively, get her a shed with a catflap and make her live there. don't let her in the house.

you have my full sympathies. i have four houserabbits - and wrecked carpets, wallpaper, etc etc

GrahamTribe · 08/06/2012 17:23

There are some evil suggestions on here, really shameful.

It sounds like she's as unhappy in your home as you are with having her ilovedarthmaul - I'd certainly look into why she's stressed and try Feliway for a start. Talk to CP about it, post on the Litter Tray forum here, try someone like Celia Hammond for advice too. Do you have young DC by any chance?