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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Don't know how to deal woth this situation, aibu not to go?

126 replies

Carlia · 07/06/2012 20:07

DH, our 3 young DC, puppy and I have been asked my my Grandmother in Northern Scotland to go and visit her again this year (we went last year)...

The only problem is we now have a young puppy who we cannot leave behind and more importantly we absolutely cannot afford it, we checked our finances yesterday and we really really can't... My Grandma offered to pay, which we were reluctant to accept but she has not said she is sending £1000 in the post. It is actually going to cost around £2000 and I don't know how to handle this situation...

I am really embarrassed and don't feel I can say anything to her a. that we can't go or b. that we can't afford it, as she has been more than generous. I asked my mum whether she could mention it to her as it might be less awkward coming from her and she said no way.

What shall I do? We do all really want to go, had some issues with planning the route (11 hours in car with kids, not ideal!) but had it worked out, just can't afford it!

OP posts:
FluffyJawsOfDoom · 08/06/2012 09:45

Why can't she visit you? It would be much cheaper, and without a dog in tow she could probably fly?

porcamiseria · 08/06/2012 09:54

what paiviaso said, your poor Granny

nutellaontoast · 08/06/2012 10:24

Not sure why 2 nights of stopovers is needed tbh? 11 hours driving, 5 1/2 hours each day, I mean that's pretty easily achievable with one night's stopover at a travelodge or holiday inn which takes your stopover cost down to £60 or so. Follow the suggestions wrt renting or ebay/gumtreeing a roof rack, or put the puppy in her cage and you'll get packed in the car fine.

And if you post the general area you're going I'm sure cheaper accomm could be crowdsourced, sometimes there is somewhere hidden away on the net and it's not immediately obvious. And have you tried asking Granny if she knows of anywhere else?

I know older rellies can be a PITA but she won't be around forever Sad, I think you should make the effort.

CatPower · 08/06/2012 10:30

Northern Scotland really isn't some vast, unexplored frontier of ice and snow y'know. In fact according to the BBC weather on News 24 just now, it's going to be sunnier and warmer up there than in the south of England this weekend.

geegee888 · 08/06/2012 10:33

Just want to add that the North of Scotland is fantastic, espeically in summer. I don't know which part you're going to (bit strange as someone might have known of cut price accommodation if you had said), but the light is fantastic and it might not even get dark at nights if you're far enough north, the scenery is amazing, you can do all sorts of activities such as hillwalking with the whole family which cost nothing at all. Its bound to be completely different from where you live, and its your MIL's home and she obviously wants you and her grandchildren to feel a connection with it.

Its worth the effort! Making the effort will also hopefully teach your children to go out and do things, rather than be negative and find fussy excuses not to. Her offer of £1000 to help you with the visit is incredibly generous and I can't believe you can't do the whole trip on that. I found the bit about having to buy a £340 roof box when you're obviously on a budget a bit OTT.

I bet once you decide to go and get underway, you'll enter into the spirit of the thing and have a great time. I think it would be such a shame not to go for the reasons mentioned. I mean, why do anything in life, as its always going to be more of a bother than doing nothing at all!

Anniegetyourgun · 08/06/2012 11:08

I'd better tell DS1 and DIL to hurry up and start a family, as clearly grandmothers are A Superior Life Form who should be pandered to in all things. I can't wait to be one.

What we did once was hire a camper van for five of us to tour Scotland. Bit cramped (and chemical toilets are just... ugh) but a lot warmer than a tent, and less likely to blow away in a gale, although it did rock alarmingly on some rainy nights! You can take as long over the journey up as you like because you can stop for a kip pretty much anywhere. If you want to pootle off to a different area for a couple of days, say to a more kid-friendly resort or to climb the odd mountain, you can take your hotel with you. Sorted. I just googled a few and it shouldn't cost a lot over £500 for a week, plus petrol obviously. Yon cottage owners are obviously onto a good thing owning the only rental property in the village, but there's no need to play their game.

2rebecca · 08/06/2012 13:51

Why is she a "poor granny". I think expecting your adult grandchildren and their children to all come and stay somewhere near you but not with you for 1 week every year when this involves a day's travelling is mad. This is the sort of thing you do visiting parents, not grandparents. If granny wants to see people then granny should get on a train.

Fluffy1234 · 08/06/2012 15:53

I would go, I lost both my grandmothers when I was 7 and 8 and never met one of my grandfathers.

Abra1d · 08/06/2012 16:30

I really don't understand all this fuss about driving to the North of Scotland. We have done it with teeny tiny babies, in a day, 543 miles. Once you're there it's lovely and this time of year particularly glorious, with long, long days.

I have found Inverness to be a good shopping centre for anything you might need. There are lovely walks and beaches, very unspoiled and uncrowded. And glorious inland country.

2rebecca · 08/06/2012 17:01

So you should visit all your extended relatives for a week every year just in case they die?
We are ALL going to die.
I still don't understand why the OP and her family should be always doing the travelling.

exoticfruits · 08/06/2012 17:06

If she lives as long as my grandmother-103yrs she will have a lot of visits!
I would tell Granny it is her turn-you did last year.

GnomeDePlume · 08/06/2012 17:17

I agree 2rebecca but unfortunately this is one of those threads where people will say they have hauled their small children over broken glass and glowing coals just to visit some random relative on the grounds that they're famleee!

Not everyone wants to travel in miserable discomfort.

GhouliaYelps · 08/06/2012 17:24

2 k to end up in Scotland ! Grin no chance would I go..

ColumboIsMyHero · 09/06/2012 11:06

Surely the point is that the OP has said that they all really want to go but can't afford to, despite her GM's generosity. Lots of people have posted options to make it much more affordable and OP isn't interested. So, you know, you have to think that she doesn't really want to go.

frankie4 · 09/06/2012 11:57

I once did the putting the dc's in the car at 2am so they can sleep while we get most of the driving done. All it meant was that I had 2 wide awake toddlers in the car from 2am for a 10 hour car journey in which they did not sleep at all!!!

Not the best start to our holiday!

M0naLisa · 09/06/2012 12:10

Bloody hell £2k my MIL lives on isle of Skye and we get there on £200 petrol there and back nutshell let's u stay with her. Your grandmother wants to see you but yet won't let you stay with her :/
Put dog in kennels fill the boot no need for roof rack and ask to stay with her

veritythebrave · 09/06/2012 12:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lechatnoir · 09/06/2012 12:31

I did south of France for a week cheaper than this!! You clearly don't won't to go otherwise you'd find a solution. There are so many ways you could do this: Cheaper cottage slightly further afield, shorter stay, go later in the year when pup is old enough for kennels, sleeper train & hire car, camper van or caravan (and no idea what you're taking that requires a brand new roof rack for a week away!)

giraffe17 · 09/06/2012 13:11

I think you dont want to go for the following reasons:

why would you need to drive through the night????? its what, 6-8hours max (depending where she lives). if you wanted to go you could leave home at 8am, stop for a break and for lunch and be there for tea time.

why do you have to have a cottage in the same village??? rent a cheaper cottage 20 minutes away and youll still see plenty of grandma

why is petrol £300? or are you really far south like cornwall?

flyb and easyjet are about £55 return plus prebooked long stay off site parking is very reasonable

do you really need a roof box etc? I have 3 dc (no puppy!!) but theres no way i would fork out for a roof box and roof rails - the stuff would go in the boot and in footwells by hook or by crook

GnomeDePlume · 09/06/2012 14:29

I cant see why the OP is getting such a hard time.

She cant afford it. There are ways to do it cheaper (and in abject misery) but if she cant afford to spend any extra money unless someone can offer the her a magic carpet she still cant afford it.

Flights arent free the ticket price has to be multiplied by the number of travellers plus all this pre-supposes that OP lives near an airport and that granny lives near an airport. Even if they fly they will have to get to granny's village which means hiring a car.

OP is not trying to go to anywhere in northern Scotland but to a specific place in northern Scotland. This reduces the flexibility massively and increases the cost. The comparisons with travelling to anywhere else are meaningless.

If you have three children then you discover very quickly that even if you can shoehorn your family into a family room then you still may well not be allowed to because the hotel has insurance which says they arent allowed to everfill their rooms. Yes the OP could take the risk and probably not get caught but if you do get caught then you can enjoy an extremely uncomfortable night sleeping in the car. Therefore you have to book two rooms for each overnight stop.

The OP has said that camping is not an option and I dont blame her. Camping is hardwork with small children in the south of France. In northern Scotland it will be grim especially if it wasnt what you wanted to do in the first place.

Sensible people plan overnight stops. They leave the driving through the night to the idiots.

Last but not least:

OP has said she cant afford it

iknowwho · 09/06/2012 14:42

The op also said she really wanted to go hence the helpful suggestions

giraffe17 · 09/06/2012 15:41

No I am not being mean, I have just arranged a trip to scotland for me husband and 3 kids in a few weeks - we really wanted to go so the total cost for transport and 4 nights in scotland cost me less than £1000

Jux · 09/06/2012 15:45

Well, you tell her you have to stay with her or you can't go. Then she can decide how much she wants you to visit.

watermargin · 09/06/2012 16:41

our parents used to drive us from the north of England to the south of France. It was horrific. All my memories of our childhood summers are that of being stuffed in the back of a car, feeling sick, baking during the day and dreading the journey back.

I used to be jealous of my friends who DIDN'T go away. Grin I'm not joking - I really, really hate travelling now as a result and haven't been abroad since 2002.

I wouldn't go.

notactuallyme · 09/06/2012 16:47

Well, if you wanted to go, you could do it for 1000, easily. we did last year - kent to black isle. the only problem is the puppy - leave it somewhere?

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