Don't know how to deal woth this situation, aibu not to go?

[Carlia]

DH, our 3 young DC, puppy and I have been asked my my Grandmother in Northern Scotland to go and visit her again this year (we went last year)...

The only problem is we now have a young puppy who we cannot leave behind and more importantly we absolutely cannot afford it, we checked our finances yesterday and we really really can't... My Grandma offered to pay, which we were reluctant to accept but she has not said she is sending £1000 in the post. It is actually going to cost around £2000 and I don't know how to handle this situation...

I am really embarrassed and don't feel I can say anything to her a. that we can't go or b. that we can't afford it, as she has been more than generous. I asked my mum whether she could mention it to her as it might be less awkward coming from her and she said no way.

What shall I do? We do all really want to go, had some issues with planning the route (11 hours in car with kids, not ideal!) but had it worked out, just can't afford it!

Go later in the year. The cottage price should come down once the high season has passed. You can rent roof boxes and fixing bars for about £75 quid for a week.
BTW we sold a good quality large Thule Alpine roof box (cost abt £400 quid new), with fixing bars, for £120 quid on eBay. Have a look, Halfords-type boxes go for under £!00.

You sound like you don't want to go. So don't.

Generally in these situations if you want to make it work, you can, especially with the help offered by your gran.

Hear hear Gnome. I still break out in a cold sweat at the memory of our holiday to France. Four days of driving in total with two adults, an 8mth old, 2yr old and 4yr old crammed in a hatchback.

Add to that a puppy pooing and weeing everywhere and I would have tipped over the edge.

I'd say no, too expensive and impractical with puppy and suggest she comes to see you. More sensible to transport 1 old woman than 5 people and a dog.

Book early and fly. Rent car. Camp if necessary. Shouldn't cost anywhere near as much as 2K

Puppy is currently 8 weeks old. I assume you're talking about a visit in the summer, by which time the puppy will be at least 14 weeks old. I've driven to France with babies younger than that !

Personally, I would never put an animal's needs before those of a human, and, as others have said, when your grandma is gone, you will regret not seeing her, and giving her every chance you could to see your DCs. The dog should go into kennels. That is what they are there for. They will care for the dog and it will come to no harm.

It sounds as if you just don't want to go, and you are wanting us to give you vindication on your decision. I think you should go, but you just don't want to, so send the money back to your grandma and live with the knowledge that you've disappointed her.

Well, she wants you to visit, but she does not want you stay at hears.

I think she either comes to you, or you dont go. Or she puts up with the kids and puppy for a week.

Betty - and you tell young people today!

DH can remember being driven to Estartit, Spain in 1969 with his parents and grandparents all crammed into a Morris Traveller.

He isnt recommending it though!

I certainly wouldnt recommend driving through the night or starting at stupid o'clock in the morning. It is idiotically dangerous as everyone on the road at that time of day is tired. A recipe for disaster.

It's easy to say "put the puppy in kennels" but 1) that's yet more expense (kennels aren't cheap) and 2) 3-4 months is a crucial age for consolidating confidence, and sticking it in a boarding kennel where it will only be checked two or three times a day is far from ideal at that age.

As others have suggested, I would either look for a cheaper cottage slightly further out and look at hiring a roofbox / getting one from eBay or Freecycle, or suggest to GM that she spends the money coming to you.

A Roy and Hayley Cropper car!

QuintS is right.

Possibly I am a miserable git (heaven forbid!) but just because a GP said 'come' I would still need to decide whether it was how I wanted to spend limited resources both financial & time.

It isnt a 3 line whip, you dont have to go if the logistics dont work.

hire a camper van and drive up.

Camper van hire here is £780 for a week, then need to add campsite charges. It will take longer/cost more to drive there. No pets allowed.

And last but not least 3 small children in a camper van in the frozen north of Scotland.

Can you look into cheaper places to book for next year then phone her and thank her for your cheque and ask if you'd mind it being arranged for next year? - that will give you more time to save and let the puppy be grown more too. If you can book something firm then hopefully she'll be okay with that.

Agree that a week a year 2 years running visiting your granny and kids' great granny sounds an awful lot to me but then we don't get that much holiday time and we had parents to visit and real holidays with no relatives to go on.

Take a tent for your oldest two DC and DH to pitch in your granny's garden (or anywhere, really - wild camping is allowed in Scotland) and you and the youngest one stay in your Granny's house. Can you share the driving or do you not drive? It is far, but remember in the summer it won't get dark till about 11pm and will be light again by 3am, so it's not like you'd be driving in the dark for ages.

As others have said, she won't be around for ever. I miss mine so much and have very happy memories of time spent with her.

It doesn't cost that much for a family to have a week in Northern Scotland! Try to save money - any holiday would cost megabucks if you planned it the most expensive, awkward way possible!

• Camp in her garden or tell her a couple of the children have to be put up in a house
• Rent a family room in a youth hostel
• Go out of season eg September
• Do the drive in one go - perfectly possible if you share the driving, and if you leave early, you won't have to drive in the dark
• Put the puppy in kennels or get a friend to look after it for you in your own house
• Don't bother with the roof box, etc - keep belongings to a minimum
• Remember Northern Scotland is part of the UK and not some remote, terrifying outpost requiring extra-special measures

I do think its worth going though. Northern Scotland is a really exciting trip for children and they will remember it for years to come. I grew up in Scotland and one of my earliest memories is driving down to Devon (in one day) with my family, loved it!

Hmm you clearly don't want to go as you are putting barriers up. No way will it cost £2k. So don't go.

Ave you never heard of travelodge woman ???!!

Remember Northern Scotland is part of the UK and not some remote, terrifying outpost requiring extra-special measures.

Amen to that. We've got fire, electricity, the wheel, telephones, even television!

If your visiting her why don't you stay with her? Or she could come to you, there's only one of her.

Deffo don't bother with the roof box. What do you need it for? We packed all our holiday gear for a fortnight into the boot of our Citroen Picasso last summer (5 in my family too soall seats taken) and that included 3 body boards, a skimmer board and an inordinate amount of cricket kit/kites/nets/etc which I imagine you ouldn't be taking. Keep clothes to a minimum and buy what else you need up there. There, that's saved £340.

And surely some of these flexible half camp/half stay with gran suggestiosn might work to save you the cottage? I would also do the drive in one go, £260 for two overnight stays you don't want to do is madness.

If it were me, I think the thing is if you had £2k you'd rather go on a holiday in the sun. And if that's the maximum budget for your holiday all year - who'd want to spend it doing tens of hours driving to stay somewhere cold.

Well that's the reason I've not visited my sister in five years, much as I love her.

Don't know the answer really. Don't be emotionally blackmailed into it I'd say. Unless it is really what you want to do.

Actually - that's it - book somewhere hot and sunny to go and invite granny to come along - she should be able to afford it with her £1K.

You sound like you are being very awkward. Why do you need a roof box? Just sling everything in the boot fgs. We manage this with 3 children and a load of camping stuff. As others have said, the journey can be done in one go and there will be cheaper accommodation. If someone was giving me £1000 for a family holiday, I'd make damn sure I brought it in under budget. You are ungrateful and whiny.

And Sadsac, yep, package holidays in the sun are what's important in life. Bollocks to family. Hope you're sister's reading this so she can see how much she means to you.