Don't know how to deal woth this situation, aibu not to go?

[Carlia]

DH, our 3 young DC, puppy and I have been asked my my Grandmother in Northern Scotland to go and visit her again this year (we went last year)...

The only problem is we now have a young puppy who we cannot leave behind and more importantly we absolutely cannot afford it, we checked our finances yesterday and we really really can't... My Grandma offered to pay, which we were reluctant to accept but she has not said she is sending £1000 in the post. It is actually going to cost around £2000 and I don't know how to handle this situation...

I am really embarrassed and don't feel I can say anything to her a. that we can't go or b. that we can't afford it, as she has been more than generous. I asked my mum whether she could mention it to her as it might be less awkward coming from her and she said no way.

What shall I do? We do all really want to go, had some issues with planning the route (11 hours in car with kids, not ideal!) but had it worked out, just can't afford it!

I don't know if there's any where she is, but the Youth Hostel Association offer cheap accommodation.

Would it not be cheaper if you booked the tickets well in advance and have a family rail card?

Just noticed your post about it being the only cottage.

Would it not be possible to hire a cottage in the next town or village and maybe grandma come to stay with you for a few days?

Which area are you looking at, and I'll see what I can come up with... (Heading north tomorrow after school, the thought of the Rockness traffic on the A9 makes me want to eat my own fist).

Do you have to stay in that village? You will have a car, could you not stay somewhere a bit further away & cheaper?

Suggest your Grandma uses the 1000quid to fly down to you for a visit. Ffs, she could probably charter a plane for that sort of cash.

No way would I travel to the other end of the country with small children and a pup.

Why do you need to rent a cottage in that village? I'm sure you can find something below 1000 pounds if you widen your search

Also you don't need to do overnight stops. Agree with the others: set off in the early hours, you'll get a good stretch of traffic free driving and can just stop for toilets and picnic meals en route.

I have flown four of us and had a weeks accomadation in Slovakia,Poland,Estonia and Denmark for what you are claiming train tickets!

I think you are not looking for solutions tbh. You don't need a roof box at that cost. You could find cheaper accomadation I am 100% certain.

Well, maybe the only solution is to stay with her. It might be a bit much, but it's worth it to see each other. We had the same business with staying my grandparents when we were little but there was no affording staying elsewhere so all 6 of us (3 boisterous boys) and a dog shared a double bedroom in a 2 bed bungalow - we kids weren't allowed unsupervised in the only reception room as it was "best". We coped. Not sure if Mum did, but no-one died. We went out a LOT walking the dog!

I agree about not stopping over - just prolongs the agony. The roof box and bars are an investment so it's not really fair to include that as a holiday cost.

BettyT has it I think. It seems ridiculous to spend that much, and to put 2 adults, 3 children and one puppy through so much travelling when one person could potentially use a fraction of that money to come and stay with you. So long as she is fit and able enough to fly/get the train, then I reckon that's the best solution. One of you can always drive to meet her at airport/train station to make the last leg of journey bearable for her.

I agree with Rindercella

I would go but fly up and then rent a car. That way it would feel more like a holiday and you won't need money for overnight stops or a roof rack thing. You may regret it if you don't go.

you ignored this the last time you posted about this a couple of days ago, but why not leave the dog with a friend or a housesitter, then you are not limited with your choices... which are being based around a dog right now..

We have 3 DCs and drive on holiday and totally see where you are coming from re cost. It is all very well saying people can fly to X/Y/Z for less but when you have to get 5 people to a particular airport, pay for 5 air tickets to a particular airport then hire a car at the other end to get to a particular village then while you may be able to pare down costs a little bit, it wont be by much.

I agree with BettyTurnip - send the money back and suggest to Grandmother that she spends the money travelling in some luxury to you.

Alternatively send the money back and say to Grandmother 'not this year, maybe next'. Dont apologise, dont explain, just say that it isnt possible this year.

She doesn't want us to stay with her..

DH says we need special fixtures put onto our roof, then we need to put bars/rack on after that, then teh box. I realise this is 'pert of teh holiday' per se, but it's an additional cost we can't afford. DH says no to driving through the night, he doesn't feel safe driving while he's tired and I am not going to push the point.

squeakytoy - Puppy is only 8 weeks so not happy leaving him at kennels, plus that would cost extra, and we don't have any friends or family who would be prepared to look after him.

Why can't your mum look after the puppy? Dog walker/sitter? (the lady who does our cats (3) charges £15 per day and we are in London). Train - travel card? Coach? Caravan within 10-15 miles. Youth hostel on the way up to break journey? I really don't see why you have to spend £2000 for week in scotland, especially if you aren't dependent on school holidays. Can grandma get a train for say 2 hours to a main station and join you all somewehre cheaper?

If the puppy is 8 weeks old, obviously he/she can't be left. Can you arrange something for the autumn that will keep everyone happy.

Will she fly to you?

You can't leave an 8 wk puppy, and you can't drive that distance when it will need to wee every hour. It won't even be vaccinated!

You are discovering the joys of travelling with 3 children! You dont fit in a taxi to the airport, you dont fit in a normal family room in a hotel. It is all very well people saying you could do it cheaper by loading all the kids into a cart and having the puppy tow it (or something like that!) but the reality is that it is too expensive and you cant afford it.

Now you have to tell Grandmother and offer her the choice of coming to see you or waiting until next year. It isnt embarassing it is simply a fact.

I'd also second asking her to fly to you especially as you went last time.

My granny went to new Zealand when she was 86. Unless she has major medical / mobility problems there is no reason why she couldn't fly / train it to you and it would be a lot easier and cheaper than all of you making the journey

Couldn't you get a cottage further away if you are driving anyway? Even better a caravan?