Two incidents with family WIBU?

[mallorykane]

Incident number one

My dsis cannot have children. She rarely sees mine because it hurts her too much and I am very understanding about this. I am a lone parent, one of my children is disabled. She does not really like me talking about them and she does not have any kind of relationship with them. Until this weekend she had not seen them in a year. We were out on Sat night. I was tired and started to flag around 11.00 pm. She asked me what was wrong and I said I was a bit tired. This the convo that followed:

Dsis: (sharply) Why are you tired fgs?! its only early!"

Me: "I always flag about now, the kids really wear me out"

Dsis: Well they are not even here! They are taken care of fgs! How can they be tiring you out when they are not even here???!

Me: "You don't understand, its just the long term relentlessness of it all......." I was not allowed to finish

Dsis: "No I don't understand and I NEVER BLOODY WELL WILL BECAUSE I CANT HAVE KIDS CAN I? CAN I?

I just looked at her and did not reply and then changed the subject. While I understand how difficult is for her, I am not sure that I should have apologised for what I said or if I said anything wrong at all. I think I was expected to though as she has been slightly frosty with me ever since.

Incident Number Two.

Parents: Mallory give your dog your pudding bowl to lick out (had some of a honey based dessert left in it).

Me: No I dont like him having sweet things as he only has a few teeth left now (very old dog) and the vet told me not to.

Parents: (To dog) Do you want the pudding bowl

Me: Please do not give dog the pudding bowl its bad for his teeth

Parents: Its only honey, honey doesnt have sugar in it! (shouting)

Me: How does honey not have sugar in it?

Parents: FGS keep your hair on!!!!

Me: I am fine, I just do not want my dog to have a sweet item to eat

Massive sulks for rest of evening from parents and still not talking to me now, three days later.

I am laughing reading this back to myself, the one about the honey I mean. But this is my family. Very quick to take offence and I usually apologise. On these two occasions for some reason I felt quite strong and I decided not to. I really did not feel I did anything wrong. But I will leave it with you MN to decide. Was I being unreasonable here?

Sorry its so long, I kept it as brief as I could.

dog one is ridiculous

sister sounds like a moody cow with a chip on her shoulder

It's pretty minging sharing crockery with your dog. Yuck.

Sad for your sister but is she really going to keep this up for the rest of her life? Someone needs to have a word with her.

As for the dog - weelllllllllllllllll - it's old, it's lost most of it's teeth - I can't help thinking it probably wouldn't be the end of the world for it to have a little more sweet stuff!

Your sister is a self centred and rude indic=vidual.
Your parents are hufflepuffs.

individual

Why do you let them treat you like this? Are the you the family whipping-girl?

You poor thing. You'd be better off giving them a wide berth for a while, till you get some support to stand up to them. They're bullies, sorry.

Nah not unreasonable. Hard on your sister, hopefully she will come to realise and apologise though.
And no way would the dog be eating out of my bowls, gross.

YANBU. I know a woman at work who has sadly lost all 6 pgs. She was amazingly supportive when i was pg (my boss) another lady freaked out whenever I walked past as she had lost a baby. I felt terrible even though I hadn't done anything but get pg. The final straw cam when she told a woman 4 days post partum that she must come in to attend an interview and she was not to bring the baby. When this lady said no I can't leave him she was yelled at 'well I wouldn't know would I?'
Ihave every sympathy, having mc myself.HOwever there comes a point where you can't avoid it or expect everyone to hide their kids or the impact of kids. Thankfully with some support the lady seems much better at handling these situations. Still feel so sorry for her i don't judge her, I am not sure what the answer is tbh.
The dog thing would make me laugh. I remeber my nana telling me bacon isn't meat.:)

To be fair the dog, being the breed that he is and in very good health has hopefully got another three or so years in him. As far as I am aware dogs do NOT need sugar and I would like him to retain SOME teeth to see him through. He had an op where he had to have a load of them taken out because his breed is particularly susceptible to decay, it was really upsetting and distressing for him and I don't want him to have to go through that again.

Thanks. For your thoughts, I am very unpopular at the moment in my family I think though. Oh well.

YANBU I think. Especially in situation 2! Familys are tricky. I get on really well with my family now, but a few years ago I really didn't and had conversations regularly similar to situation 2 where I would end up apologising or just seemingly being in the wrong. In the end I had to put my foot down and say that it isn't right to treat me as if my opinions and life don't matter (not in those words though). It took maybe 2 or 3 times and a bit of time, things change and are better now.

As for situation 1, I've no real experience here, but while I have sympathy for your sis I feel that she ought to have some empathy with you too. No harm in apologising so long and she sees that sympathy and understanding need to work both ways!

Dog one is just daft.

Your sister is being unfair though, it much be hard for her but to basically pretend your children dont exist and to not allow you to talk about them is unfair on you.

Your sister needs a good talking to. It's not the fault of you and every parent on the planet that she can't have kids.

She needs some sort of counselling before she runs out of friends and family.

I'm laughing at the dog thing (sorry) "Do you want the pudding bowl"?

I can hear the dog replying with a very gruff "Yes!!"

well i think it can only be a good thing that your children aren't subjected to your sister regularly when that's how she behaves at the mere mention of them!

i agree with you about the dog but i am very PFP with mine so maybe not the best person to ask on that one.

No yanbu. On either count. Dogs eating from normal plates - shudder!

And your sister, although it must be terrible for her, must realise the world can't revolve around her forever. You are allowed to be tired and to say why.

I know I keep laughing about the honey thing whenever I think of it.

I think I am VERY understanding of the fact that my only sister has NO relationship with my dc because it is too painful for her. I don't ask for any help or anything and I am a lone parent, with their father being pretty useless quite frankly.

I'm laughing at the dog thing (sorry) "Do you want the pudding bowl"?

I can hear the dog replying with a very gruff "Yes!!"

pmsl

Very sad for your sister but she needs to get a grip with other people in public. Is she like this with all parents or does she reserve her rudeness especially for you?

The dog thing is just fucking ridiculous.

You need a new family !

Well she does avoid christenings and kids parties where possible but has a much closer relationship with her nephews on her dh's side . I don't say anything though because at the end of it all I suppose its closer when its me because I am her sister.

YWNU. I feel for your sister, but she can not carry on with such resentment to others with children. For a start, it isn't fair on herself as it will eat her up. Has she spoken to anyone with regards to how she feels about it all?

As for your parents, it is rather pathetic to get in a grump about that

YANBU, sis sounds like she could do with some counselling or something perhaps, its a shame that she isn't having a full relationship with your dc and she is really missing out, she has no right to snap at you or begrudge your ability to have children.

Dod thing....wtf they need to keep their hair on. Feed the dog what they like as long as they are prepared to pay vets bills.

Try not to let it get you down op

Good gracious sis does have a whole plate of chips on her shoulder. My sis has no kids as she can't have any. She loves my lot, I send pics she put them in frames. It's like a bloody shrine to my uterus in her house. She's also a moody cow but doesn't take out her infertility on anyone.
The dog one made me chuckle

@ Folkgirl 'you need a new family'.

I know that feeling, mine have more baggage than Heathrow Airport - maybe OP and I ought to take a shopping trip to Functional Families R Us

I can see why your sister is upset, but she's taken it a bit far.
I'm someone else who has a sister who can't have kids. Doesn't stop her adoring mine. In fact, she's more adoring because they're all she's got and will ever have.
Maybe it was the 'you don't understand' in particular that got to her. It's a sentence I hate too!

But YANBU, she has got to learn to deal with it, because it is her life and fretting over what cannot be just isn't healthy.

Mindyourownbusiness well let me know if you do go, I could do with a trip there too!

On a serious note, one of my colleagues can't have children and she absolutely takes delight in her nieces. She loves looking after them and being around them specifically because she can't have children and they are the next best thing. Depends on the person and the approach they take to it I think. I can't imagine the pain of not being able to have children, but I am very close to my own nieces and I hate to think I would shun them because I couldn't have had my own DC. If anything, I think it would make me want to look after them a lot!