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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think DH could have sorted something for dinner?

82 replies

justtryingtodomybest · 06/06/2012 18:15

I have been away since Friday visiting my sister and got back just before 5pm after a 3 hour drive.

Before I left, I cleaned the house from top to bottom and made sure there was plenty of food in the house for DH.

We don't have any DCs so, when I was away, all he needed to do was look after himself and feed the cat.

I've just asked him what is for dinner and he just shrugged his shoulders. Is it too much to expect him to have bought something in so I don't have to go back out to the shop? I'm tempted to nip out for a takeaway and not get him anything - childish I know!

OP posts:
HRH2shoesofMn · 06/06/2012 18:17

yabu
you were away with your sister, not down a coal mine

MrsTerryPratchett · 06/06/2012 18:18

What was he planning on eating? Because if he wasn't fussed or was planning on making a sandwich HINBU. If he assumed you were going to come home, shop then cook for him, HIBU.

TrinityIsAFuckingRhino · 06/06/2012 18:18

lol 2shoes
succinct, to the point and I agree Smile

everlong · 06/06/2012 18:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ThymeLord · 06/06/2012 18:23

Depends really. Did he expect you to come home and prepare and cook his meal or was he just assuming you'd order a takeaway?

scarlettsmummy2 · 06/06/2012 18:25

Sounds like my husband! Very annoying, my mother keeps telling me I have to 'break the dependancy culture'!

Original poster
justtryingtodomybest · 06/06/2012 18:25

I'm pretty sure he was expecting me to sort it.

OP posts:
LRDtheFeministDragon · 06/06/2012 18:25

If you normally share the cooking, yes, I would find it natural that the person who's been in all day and not just got back from a trip would cook.

If you don't normally share the cooking, maybe now is the time to be looking into it?

I'd much rather expect a meal prepared for me when I've been away but I think it only works as part of an understanding where you each know what you'll do.

I'm not saying you're wrong because it does seem a bit pathetic if an adult does not think about how basic tasks get done - but if you usually do it and have never discussed sharing the task, that might be why he thinks it's ok to expect you to do it.

Talk to him!

MrsTerryPratchett · 06/06/2012 18:40

If someone was expecting me to cook and their request was framed as a shrug, I would have a chat with them about expectations. I think you are doing one thing and saying another. Before I left, I cleaned the house from top to bottom and made sure there was plenty of food in the house for DH. Why? Is he a child? No wonder he thinks you will come back and cook.

If you plan on children, BTW, talk about expectations beforehand because you will have a hell of a time otherwise.

2blessed2bstressed · 06/06/2012 18:44

YANBU he be lazy git.

PurplePidjin · 06/06/2012 19:00

Yanbu, dp has just got in from work, unloaded the dishwasher and cooked dinner all off his own bat because i have been out enduring softplay hell playing with my mate's 10mo baby and am 14w pg and tired. (Dinner = making chips and warming leftover burgers from yesterday's bbq, not a full roast from scratch. Salad to go with is also ready done)

Rules in this house are, if you're home first/less you do dinner and the bulk of the chores. I'm probably just lucky he doesn't always stick to them Wink

hairylemon · 06/06/2012 19:04

depends on if he has been working today I guess

Cockwomble · 06/06/2012 19:15

Yanbu. I am currently waiting for dh to suggest dinner and doing the shop.
I am sick of always sorting it, and sick of having the same conversation re:expectations etc about it over and over. Completely childish but I've had it up to here!

ImperialBlether · 06/06/2012 19:42

He doesn't sound that nice, OP.

What's he like to live with?

squeakytoy · 06/06/2012 19:43

has he been at home all day, or has he been working?

perhaps he thought you could both have a treat and get a takeaway

Cockwomble · 06/06/2012 19:46

Communicating that involves more than a shrug though.

Cockwomble · 06/06/2012 19:46

Communicating that involves more than a shrug though.

joanofarchitrave · 06/06/2012 19:48

Perhaps he doesn't want to eat. One of the nice things about a partner being away is not having to eat full meals.

hairylemon · 06/06/2012 19:59

cockwomble tbf if Ive been working all day and DP hasnt, and he asks me whats for tea I also shrug my shoulders, seems to get the point across without having to resort to bad language Grin

LentillyFart · 06/06/2012 20:00

I wouldn't expect this from my DH. Well, not if I wanted to eat what was on offer. YABU - just get a takeaway!

ImperialBlether · 06/06/2012 20:24

Joan, clearly he's eaten all of the food she left for him.

He is rude and selfish and just not very nice.

Original poster
justtryingtodomybest · 06/06/2012 21:30

My DH is a chef so no problem with eating something he had cooked - not that it happens very often!

OP posts:
sadsac · 06/06/2012 21:33

I don't know. I don't always have dinner ready for dh or even think about if I'm at home all day and he's at work. I wouldn't set a precedent - it could backfire on you at a later date.

Obviously I do feed dc but they eat plain things at a ridiculously early time.

WorraLiberty · 06/06/2012 21:37

It depends

I mean why did you feel the need to clean the house from top to bottom and make sure you got enough food in?

Is that something you'd normally do because you both have set 'chores' in the house?

If so (and if cooking is normally one of your 'chores') perhaps it was just miscommunication?

Otherwise he's a lazy dependant git.

Ephiny · 06/06/2012 21:43

You sound a bit of a martyr. Why did you have to make sure there was food in the house for him, shouldn't that be his responsibility? Why do you assume you have to go back out to the shop - can't he go?

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