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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think DH could have sorted something for dinner?

82 replies

justtryingtodomybest · 06/06/2012 18:15

I have been away since Friday visiting my sister and got back just before 5pm after a 3 hour drive.

Before I left, I cleaned the house from top to bottom and made sure there was plenty of food in the house for DH.

We don't have any DCs so, when I was away, all he needed to do was look after himself and feed the cat.

I've just asked him what is for dinner and he just shrugged his shoulders. Is it too much to expect him to have bought something in so I don't have to go back out to the shop? I'm tempted to nip out for a takeaway and not get him anything - childish I know!

OP posts:
rainbowinthesky · 06/06/2012 21:47

Is he 5? I am just trying to understand why you felt the need to clean the house from top to bottom and get plenty of food for him. Can he not shop or clean?

skybluepearl · 06/06/2012 21:50

Yep he could/should have got tea ready.

Original poster
justtryingtodomybest · 06/06/2012 22:02

I suppose I thought I was being kind and thoughtful by sorting things out before I went away. But I think that thoughtfulness should work both ways.

OP posts:
Whatmeworry · 06/06/2012 22:16

Was he working all day or not?

FredFredGeorge · 06/06/2012 22:18

Had you talked to him about dinner? There's no way I'd prepare dinner for DP who arrived home from a long drive without discussing it first, there's quite a high chance on such a trip that you'd stop for a break and something to eat, so to assume she'd want something would be a waste.

Preparing dinner can be a 10-15 minute job, it hardly needs to be done before you arrive home.

lowestpriority · 06/06/2012 22:22

Why did you ask him "What's for dinner"? What is he, your dad?
Why not just ask him what he would like for dinner then sort it between yourselves? If that means cooking together or choosing a takeaway together then great.
Why did you automatically assume he would have dinner on the table when you got back home?

AllPastYears · 06/06/2012 22:35

Agree with you OP. Why should you have to "communicate" with him so that he knows he's expected to come up with some food. Does he not have a brain? Can he not think for himself?

So what happened, did you make something just for yourself and eat it in front of him the lazy git.

Original poster
justtryingtodomybest · 06/06/2012 22:35

I didn't expect him to have something ready for me on the table when I got home. But I did hope he might have made a bit of an effort to at least have something in the fridge. I would have happily cooked whatever it was but there was absolutely nothing.

OP posts:
Original poster
justtryingtodomybest · 06/06/2012 22:36

Oh - and yes, he was working today. So I wouldn't have expected him to cook - just pick something up from the shop on his way home.

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 06/06/2012 22:38

I think the problem is that you don't feel appreciated, OP. You were kind to him in that you cleaned the house and left food in the fridge whereas he responded to your arrival home with a shrug.

What's your relationship like otherwise? Do you have children together?

ilovesooty · 06/06/2012 22:40

Did he know what time you were coming home?

It just sounds like a lack of communication to me.

threetequilafloor · 06/06/2012 22:42

I would have left a couple of pizzas in the freezer for my return, men just don't think like us unfortunately. I do sympathise we have had this argument many times and I have given up, being organised is less work for me in the longrun!

Cockwomble · 06/06/2012 22:44

I don't get why working means you don't have to cook? A three hour drive is quite knackering too!

Cockwomble · 06/06/2012 22:44

I don't get why working means you don't have to cook? A three hour drive is quite knackering too!

lowestpriority · 06/06/2012 22:48

I don't get why, if he's been at work whilst you've been on your jollys, he is expected to organise the dinner on your return.
And, for the record, if you were a man posting this thread, asking your DW what was for dinner, you would be getting pasted.

ilovesooty · 06/06/2012 22:50

if you were a man posting this thread, asking your DW what was for dinner, you would be getting pasted

I agree.

Cockwomble · 06/06/2012 22:51
Hmm
Cockwomble · 06/06/2012 22:51
Hmm
yellowraincoat · 06/06/2012 22:54

"Men just don't think like us" - bollocks.

The rotten ones know that they can get away with stuff like this precisely because of this belief.

Whatmeworry · 06/06/2012 23:01

if you were a man posting this thread, asking your DW what was for dinner, you would be getting pasted

Pastied in fact... :)

HRH2shoesofMn · 06/06/2012 23:05

can't see the issue tbh
op goes away
dh is working
she comes home and
expects dh who has been working to get food......
who was working????
still think yabu

AThingInYourLife · 06/06/2012 23:21

"And, for the record, if you were a man posting this thread, asking your DW what was for dinner, you would be getting pasted."

Bollocks.

If a man came on talking about how he cleaned the house from top to bottom and filled it with food before heading off for the weekend, and came back to a bare cupboard and a girlfriend who clearly expected him to feed her, he'd have his digital cock sucked while the woman was called a lazy bitch.

OP - stop treating your boyfriend like a child.

Looking after him and catering to his every need isn't being kind, it's just establishing yourself as a skivvy.

lowestpriority · 06/06/2012 23:33

OP. why didn't you just phone him before you left and say "I will be home in 3 hours. When I arrive I expect a full roat dinner with pudding to be waiting for me on the table"?
Problem solved.

QueenofPlaids · 06/06/2012 23:49

Meh, it depends.

For us 5pm would be an early finish, but tbh when travelling we tend to have the dinner discussion as we both have things on outwits work.

I hate to say it but weekend planning works best for us.

ilovesooty · 07/06/2012 00:02

lowestpriority I don't understand why she didn't just phone him to discuss dinner arrangements before she set off either. It would have made everything much easier. Or, if he would still have been at work why didn't she contact him the night before? Or, I suppose, he could have contacted her re her ETA and dinner.