To get annoyed by the constant comments about DS's red hair?

[BakingBunty]

DS (9 months) has beautiful red hair. It's the first thing that people comment on when they see him. Many of the comments are because people are genuinely intrigued - neither myself or DH have red hair (and no, neither does the milkman...), and I totally understand this. Some of the comments are nice ones. However, most of the comments are along the lines of 'ah well, it might change as he gets older' or 'what were the chances of that, you poor things'. I just smile and tell them that I love it, but it breaks my heart to think that people may still be commenting when he is old enough to understand. DF in particular is a prime example of someone who can't resist commenting on it, but I think he - and others - would think I'm being over sensitive if I told them to keep their remarks to themselves. AIBU to want them all to shut up? And what's the best way of handling it?

My son is a redhead and has been trained from infancy to say that red is the best hair colour in the whole world!

How to handle it? One of two ways. You could say to these rude people, " oh look, there's a black/Asian/other ethnic minority kid over there. When your're done here, best go and talk to their mum about why they look like that.". Or just look shame faced and say, "actually, we don't like to talk about that period in our marriage. It was eighteen months ago now and my husband has totally forgiven me and decided to raise DS as his own."

I don't think that red hair will die out, any more than Rh negative blood (also recessive) will die out - there's some kind of weird genetic law thingy that means the rate of appearance is conserved - and I know how crap that sounds but it's because I can't remember the proper name of it! So (using the Rh negative example) the rate of appearance in the population remains pretty stable, regardless of the recessive nature of the trait.

However, googling brought up this article which says it's very unlikely that redheads will become extinct.

Forgot to say, in Spain, it's considered lucky to touch a redhead's back!

My dd2 has ginger hair which gets commented on, maybe because Dh and I have brown hair. I really dislike it when people treat it like an affliction - "never mind, it might go darker" etc.

We've decided to call it ginger rather than red or strawberry so hopefully she won't see it as an insult.

My red hair hasn't faded, it's a great colour to age with.

Someone did once take me aside and whisper about their new grandchild 'do you think he'll be alright?' I didn't quite get what they were saying, so asked them to repeat it, 'do you think he'll be alright, you know, with the (whisper) ginger hair?' I nearly laughed out loud, I've always liked my hair colour and so have my admirers over the years, I genuinely don't see the issue unless it's in the playground where anything 'different' is picked on.

Maybe there's some superstition about red hair? Or something? I just can't figure out why people would comment on it at all.

DD has red hair, i shut up comments of 'where did she get her red hair from' with 'out of the top of her head' and one of these

i've had people say things like 'maybe you can dye it, maybe it'll fade, maybe she'll not realise it's ginger (she also has ASD), maybe the sun will turn it blonde'

wtaf? why the fucking hell should i let her think there is something wrong with her hair colour!

and IME it's adults who make all the comments, nothing to do with children noticing the difference

I can understand you being upset by the negative comments thats only natural but not by positive comments.

Personally I have always LOVED red hair, my son refers to himself as "ginger" so no one can use that as an insult and has been told since birth that his hair is beautiful so thats how he sees himself. If I say now "your hair is beautiful" he says "I know"

The gene is apparently recessive so neither parent may be ginger but they will, I think, both carry the gene, when people asked me I just said "its a double recessive gene" and that pretty much finishes the conversation. In my case it came from my grandmother's family.

One of the boys in my sons year has very bright, orange, ginger hair and very dark brown eyes - beautiful.

People who would say something rude about how your child looks are obviously f*ckwits...you may think, for whatever reason, "god what a funny looking child" but anyone with half a brain cell would NEVER say it!

as a 'ginger' and the mum of a flaming orange 'ginger' I would say if it wasnt his hair it woud be something else,people will comment on something be it size ,weight ,or anything really.
If people said to ds 'aww what a shame ' I would reply with 'what, that you are ignorant and rude??' DS is 14 now and replies with 'at least I can dye it ,you will always be ugly' :0D he is currently refusing to have it cut so its not only orange its curly too!!
My brother has the most gorgeous dark ginger curly hair ,I used to pay a fortune to have mine permed ,the girls love it tho ;0)
We have 3 different ginger genes in our family, I get mine from my paternal grandfather and have 2 male cousins with it(out of 18 cousins I am the only ginger girl), my brother gets his from his dad (we have same mum but non of our other siblings full or half have it) and my son gets his from his dads paternal side ,there are about 8 boys in their family and all are the same bright colour!!

My ds1 (different dad to ds2) grows a ginger beard ,he is most put out by it!!

I often comment but only in positive terms.
Do people mind that?
I get lots of comments about the DCs curly hair and blue eyes (they are mixed race) and it doesn't bother me although I am never sure what to say back.

YANBU.

I've got red hair and get annoyed by people who seem to think that it's an affliction and that it's okay to say negative things about it. I think it's perfectly reasonable to challange someone who says negative things about your son's hair colour, particularly if they're saying it to his face.
After all, I bet most of these people wouldn't dream of saying something bad to a kid who looked different because he was from an ethnic minority, because they know that doing so would be considered offensive and hurtful.

Agree that you should tell your son that people are just jealous because his hair's such a beautiful colour, and that being a redhead is special.

Incidentally, there's a Dutch redhead festival that's held every year celebrating readheads Redhead Day

I've got ginger hair and was delighted when DS1 popped out with the same! Possibly this is why no-one says anything negative to me about his hair colour - they don't dare I'm hoping DS2 comes out the same and then DH can walk around sheepishly being tailed by his very ginger family!

TY to the nice person who complimented redheads with brown eyes BTW....

I have never understood the negativity at red hair in the UK. I grew up in the states and never saw it there at all.

I think red hair is gorgeous.. in fact, my adult DD dyes her hair red regularly. I cannot believe in this day and age that people pick on others over their hair colour. Ridiculous.

Red/ginger/auburn/whatever hair is gorgeous. I agree with those who say you should respond with a classic Mumsnet 'Did you mean to sound so rude?' or 'Well we think his hair is gorgeous....can't say the same about your manners.' (that one's particularly good!)

To the 'redheads are hot' sentiments I'll add just two words:

Benedict
Cumberbatch

I thought Benedict Cumberbatch had dark hair? Did he dye it for Sherlock then?

I think maybe some of the people who comment in a way that could be construed as insulting are perhaps remembering what a hard ride the "ginger" children always had when we were at school so perhaps they are concerned your child is in for a rough ride at school rather than how awful it is your child has that colouring.

In reality if your child isnt ginger, then the insults are just different fat/stupid/lazy/four eyes there is always something and I guess if your child, like mine has that hair colour at least you know its coming and have time to give them the confidence to just shrug it off.

DS3 is ginger. It didn't come as a shock to me though, despite me having brown hair and Ex-P having mousy hair, because both my Mum and my Grandad have ginger hair.

Shockingly, even my Mum, who has ginger hair, came out with the comment about how "It's such a shame it's a boy, ginger looks nice on girls, but it looks wimpy on boys". I mean, WTactualF?!

I love it, he's my little gingerbread man, and I regularly eat him all up! I think his hair looks amazing when it glints in the sunshine, TBH, I'm just a teensy bit jealous of how gorgeous his hair is.

Reply to any negative comments with the stock MN phrase "Did you mean to be so rude?"

LEMONAIDE, it's a fair point that ginger children are often teased for being ginger by other kids.

However, an adult making comments along the lines of 'Oh, dear what a shame he's ginger' reinforces the notion that ginger hair is somehow bad and open to criticism, and IMO encourages any other children in earshot to think that it's okay to make negative remarks about ginger children simply because they're ginger.

My DH has red hair and we're still waiting to see what colour 19 month old DS's hair will be as he still hasn't got much of it. What he has got looks kind of strawberry blonde but you can see the ginger when the sun shines on it!!

I really hope that he does have red hair and it was one of the first questions we were asked once he'd arrived...what weight was he and has he got red hair

As for the getting noticed in a crowd, DH says it has it's disadvantages. When he was at school he was frequently getting in trouble when he'd just been in the wrong place at the wrong time because the teachers knew who the red-haired boy was!!! And he's not going grey, but white (he's 43)

Move to Denmark! Here I have the opposite problem. I'm a redhead. DS is not, but MIL and FIL keep saying ooh it might change, there's definitely a red tint! It's an honour to have a baby with red hair here

In the meantime

I have a ginger child, we really big it up as being special (and it is, the rest of us are boring mousey ) and at the moment he doesn't like it because he is the odd one out. I don't think anyone says anything to him directly but we get the comments - usually old people asking where he got it from, then a catsbumface when I say his Uncle Dave

I spent much of my teens swooning over auburn boys, there's something in it, isn't there

I love red hair, my grandad had red hair which got thicker with age & stayed red.

Despite the genes and my DP also having red hair neither of my kids is a red head.

MrsTrellis are you sure 'bigging it up as being special' is the right thing to do?

Kids really do tend to see through that sort of thing and often deep down, they'll just feel as though you're trying to 'over compensate' in some way....this may lead him to believe there really is something wrong with being ginger?

At the end of the day it's just a hair colour and if you want to help him cope with being the odd one out, it might be better to simply treat it that way? IYSWIM.

Adore red hair, especially the way it picks up and reflects the light. Stunning.

My hair has red tints in what is pretty dark hair, which is a bugger when it comes now to dying it tho!

Although picking up on an earlier point, I thought red heads/pale skin combo, were more pain sensitive, not less?