to expect someone at ds's nursery to say hello on arrival and take him to see some toys

[mumtocuddlebundle]

I feel slightly put out by this and just not sure if I am being unreasonable or not.
DS 2.5 goes to a daycare nursery 2 afternoons a week. Its just a chance for him to play etc as I find it difficult to get out to playgroups with infant as well.
I drop him off after his nap, at just after 2pm. And sometimes when we go in we are completely ignored. Sometimes one or two of the girls will look up and say hello. But then go back to what they are doing. And sometimes, if one of the more friendly ones are there they will come over and say hello properly. But sometimes nobody says anything. I have on occasion had to go and say do you mind keeping an eye on ds to check hes ok. Cos although ds is generally a happy boy and drops off well. I like him to feel welcomed into nursery. And I like to feel someone is aware he is there, so he isn't forgotten about.

The other day I dropped him off and there was not much in the way of toys out to play with. Ds looked a bit lost and not sure what to do. So I said to one of the girls he was looking forward to playing with train set. And she said 'sorry its just the toys that are out' And didnt even say hello to ds.

Surely when I am paying £25 for an afternoon session it is not unreasonable to expect to be welcomed in by someone and for them to find a toy that ds is interested in? I genuinely don't know though, cos I am not used to this nursery stuff as this is my first dc.

Sounds dreadful. I would take him out immediately. If this is the reception he gets while you are watching I can't imagine he gets much attention while you're not watching! Move him - find a friendly nursery or kind childminder. Just my opinion!

I would be changing setting I think.

Does it have to be an afternoon slot? Round here quite a few pre-schools take children from 2.5. They tend to be morning hours, 9-12 for example. If your DS did something like that he might be more 'part of the group'.

Your nursery workers sound horrible.

Your nursery is shit. I'm sure they were OK when Ofsted came, but that's only one day every four years when they have to be unshit. Leave.

That's really bad. DD is always welcomed and taken into the group.

Where are you? someone may be able to recommend you a better one in your area?
My DS's nursery is rated outstanding - and I stand by that because they have been great with him and his emerging special needs (speech delay etc) and have been proactive on our behalf with getting the local authority to pull their finger out regarding referrals to speech therapy and additional nursery help as DS needs 1 to 1 key worker despite being 3. I mention this as this stuff is also within their remit/responsibility to your child - so the fact yours can barely manage a hello is worrying to me.

Seconding everyone who says this is bad - the nursery my DDs went to always greeted, did a handover, settled in with either keyworker or designated cover if keyworker was on holiday. When the DDs went through their clingy stages they went the extra mile to distract, comfort and settle.

Toy rationing is also a bad sign, nothing should be off limits except things that need supervision i.e. paint and stuff. Taking toys out and tidying up should be part of the routine children learn at nursery.

Your post makes me sad op.

I have been a nursery nurse for nearly 20 years and have never not welcomed a child with open arms when they arrive at nursery.

The staff need sacking

Please take your ds out, Dont leave him somewhere where the staff cant even be bothered to welcome him.

Makes me really :(

If I had run my cm setting like this I would have expected people to give notice. Shocking. Your child has to have a key worker, it's In the EYFS.

Complain and move.

Change nurseries, it sounds really awful. My DD 2.5 has been going to an amazing nursery for 1.5 days per week. The staff clearly adore her make a fuss of her when she arrives and she always gets a lovely cuddle.

We toilet trained her last week and she couldn't wait to arrive at nursery to tell the staff & show off her new knickers They were so excited for her and made her feel so special.

It's little touches like that IMO that make all the difference. Our nursery has a key code system so access for parents is unrestricted. The Managers Office is right by the door however and always manned.

If you have reservations about the staff lacking enthusiasm and manners in your presence, I would be concerned about the level of care being given in your absence. They sound disinterested.

Mumto, YANBU as people have pointed out.

If you don't want to change nurseries, consider calling the manager at a quiet time (when you are feeling really well, rested and on top of things). Tell her that toys seem to be rationed, staff demotivated and children not acknowledged on arrival. She probably does not know.

I did this once in Switzerland, which took a lot of gumption as I was new there and did not know if it was a cultural thing, but the manager was appalled to hear of my experiences, and changes were very quickly made.

It's upsetting and not right to leave your child when you are not even sure his arrival has been noticed!!!

I"m surprised this isn't a health and safety issue -- don't nurseries keep a note of everyone there in a register or something? What if there is a fire and have to rush out, how do they know everyone is present?

alarm bells ringing here. the staff are far too casual. set yourself some time when you can go in and hang about for a few minutes. find out the names of the staff and greet them by name 'hello annie, james is here now. is there anything i should know about, this afternoon?' make them know him and you as individuals. they'll be more careful if they know you are taking a close interest.

i think they probably have a designated welcoming time, and as you come after that time they dont welcome....

Your comment here worried me:

I'm a bit worried about complaining in case it just makes them annoyed with me and therefore not nice to ds.

No way would I be happy to leave a child somewhere I felt would do that.

Go with your gut in this one.

Well said nallak, I think that's the problem I need to discuss with them. He is on the waiting list for a morning slot, but apparently there is none available til august.

My son has never been ignored on his arrival at nursery. He always gets asked what he wants to play with, gets a cuddle if he's upset & I have a quick chat about how he is & pass on anything I think they need to know.

I would be appalled if he was ever ignored.

sorry don't have time to read whole thread but goodness they are RUDE! It is v. basic stuff in nursery care to greet the child (and their big person) and to invite them into the room/help settle.

I wouldn't rush to complain, but rather have a word to the manager about helping your child feel settled, starting with getting a key worker.

What is their Ofsted rating? From the OP they sound pretty crap TBH. Report them to Ofsted and maybe find a new nursery if things don't improve!

You don't seem to be addressing the point that most of us are making - move him!

Is this not possible? Are there no other nurseries/CM near you?

Talk to the manager, and see what her reaction is to your concerns. (absolutely no excuse, but at 2pm it could be senior staff are still at lunch etc and the junior staff need a kick up the bum)

But my gut reaction is to move him. Handover and settling in are part of the basics, and if they are getting this wrong in front of you, what else are they not doing?

Thanks everyone for the words of advice. I have spoken to the manager who has assured me she will sort the situation out. I have asked if we can have a designated person to welcome him and if they are not available to have an appointed stand in. Rather than just whoever happens to be there at the time.
She is getting back to me with update. So we'll see what happens.
I felt quite ridiculous - asking if someone could please greet us properly on arrival! I hope the manager was embarrassed that I was forced to request this.

I will look into other nurserys. They all have long waiting lists though, or stipulate a minimum of 4 sessions a week. So not sure I would get him a place straight away.

I have had both my chilldren in nursery from the age of 5mths (now at school) and I would not be happy with this.

If that is how they act whilst being "observed" I DREAD to think what their interaction is with the children when alone.

Well done OP. Don't feel ridiculous! You did exactly the right thing.

How do they care for him during the afternoons? Have you watched? I'd be tempted to remove him and find somewhere warmer.

We took ds out of a nursery at around 18 months for much the same reason. Since then I have met 4-5 parents whose children have been at that nursery whose children have had quite serious accidents and there has been a complaint.

I will always, always, always trust my instinct on this in future. He had been there six months and I had never felt right about it... but was a clueless firstimer.