to expect someone at ds's nursery to say hello on arrival and take him to see some toys

[mumtocuddlebundle]

I feel slightly put out by this and just not sure if I am being unreasonable or not.
DS 2.5 goes to a daycare nursery 2 afternoons a week. Its just a chance for him to play etc as I find it difficult to get out to playgroups with infant as well.
I drop him off after his nap, at just after 2pm. And sometimes when we go in we are completely ignored. Sometimes one or two of the girls will look up and say hello. But then go back to what they are doing. And sometimes, if one of the more friendly ones are there they will come over and say hello properly. But sometimes nobody says anything. I have on occasion had to go and say do you mind keeping an eye on ds to check hes ok. Cos although ds is generally a happy boy and drops off well. I like him to feel welcomed into nursery. And I like to feel someone is aware he is there, so he isn't forgotten about.

The other day I dropped him off and there was not much in the way of toys out to play with. Ds looked a bit lost and not sure what to do. So I said to one of the girls he was looking forward to playing with train set. And she said 'sorry its just the toys that are out' And didnt even say hello to ds.

Surely when I am paying £25 for an afternoon session it is not unreasonable to expect to be welcomed in by someone and for them to find a toy that ds is interested in? I genuinely don't know though, cos I am not used to this nursery stuff as this is my first dc.

So the staff don't come and greet/give time for messages to be passed? How do they know all is ok when he is coming in then?

Yanbu and I would be concerned as to how much they were interacting after you have left

Find another nursery.

He should be greeted/or they should have a 'usual' entry system.

Ignoring is not acceptable. If they do that with you there, what do/don't they do when you're not.

YANBU
I would complain to the manager.

Not always no. The last time, I went over and asked one of the girls if she could get a toy for him she looked so sulky like I was putting her out. I wondered if I was actually being unreasonable.

So today when I dropped him off I had my confidence knocked. I helped him find a toy and set it up before I left. I looked around and one of the girls looked up and said hello to him, so I knew they knew he was there. And then I left. But I am actually feeling a bit tearfull abotu it now. That I should have said more, and it was mean of me to leave him without being sure someone was going to watch he was ok.

I'm a bit worried about complaining in case it just makes them annoyed with me and therefore not nice to ds.

This nursery sounds very unprofessional. When my child went to nursery the staff greeted each child at the door. Isnt that an issue of safety so that they know which children are in or not.

I believe staff at nuresry shoudl interact and play with the children and make sure they are looked after.

Id find another nursery.

Sounds rude apart from anything else. When someone comes in to a room, then you acknowledge them, whether they are an adult or a child or whatever.
The fact that you are paying for it, and that he may need help settling in, should just add to this.
When I drop DD at nursery, (she's 3.5 but has been at the same nursery since she was 18 months), someone comes out to meet us. I stay in the corridor, help her take her coat off, get a drink out (they leave each child's cup available to them all day to help themselves) etc, and then they take her into the room - I don't actually go into the room with her.
Not once in 2 years have we ever been ignored - she gets a big welcoming 'Hello, how are you? Have you had a nice weekend?' While I am sorting her out, there is also a chance for me to tell them anything they need to know. Sometimes it can just be 'We saw Granny this weekend, didn't we?' And they can then ask her about it, or make sense of her chatter. Sometimes it might be more serious ('We've had lots of accidents this weekend -can you remind her to go to the toilet frequently please?'). And then they encourage her to give me a big kiss, I tell her when I'll be back ('after you've had your lunch and done some playing') and they take her hand and walk away. I can hear them chatting as they go, either about what she's done since she last saw them, or about what is going to happen that day.

I can more understand the attitude of not wanting to put out all the same toys every day (they may rotate them according to themes they are working on with the kids, or to keep them 'fresh' for the children who go every day, so they are not offered exactly the same thing day in day out), but in that case, I would expect them to say 'We're not playing with the trains today, but come over here - see what we have got out. Do you want to play with this? Let me show you.' etc etc.

I don't think it's good enough.

I pulled my DS out of a nursery for the exact same reasons; if his keyworker was there he would be greeted but if not we would just be looked at and ignored.

I would either find another nursery or if you want your DS to stay there make an official complaint to the manager.

Does he have a key-person? It should be the key- person's job to greet their key children on arrival and to find out if they are ok or if there are any issues or just to chat with you to build up a rapport and establish and maintain a relationship.
If you are not happy then you need to mention it to the manager, the staff need not know which parent complained if the manager does her job properly.

Babyby, your nursery sounds lovely. I wish he went there!
This nursery is one of the most expensive and highly rated nursery in the area. To get a full time place you have to be on the waiting list for over a year. So it is surprising they are not better.

yanbu. I have always been greeted when I've dropped the DC's off at nursery. Either by their keyworker or another member of staff.

They ask if they're ok, what they did at the weekend, have they been behaving themselves, what do they want to play with, let them know that they're doing painting etc. I'm quite often there chatting after DD has run off to play with her friends.

Thanks, you've given me confidence to say something.
I don't think he has a key worker, but one of the girls does take him under her wing more. And if she's not there nobody else seems to think it's their job to say hello.

My DS has always been greeted from the age of 10 months - he goes twice a week. He finds settling hard - but even when I can see the staff are a bit stretched for whatever reason there is always a welcome smile and the effort to take him into the room and show him what is there. I would change if I was you!!
As a rule they always ask if he is ok, what they are doing today etc

Alarm bells are ringing here. He has to have a key-person- it's a legal requirement under the EYFS and you should have been told who this person is.

The twins are met at the front door to nusery by the receptionist.... we find their name card of the wall which they have to post in the postbox - take their coat off on the way - there is ALWAYS a member of staff 'playing' on the table in front of the door who wil ALWAYS say hello to each child that comes through the door (happy to talk about any problems/comments etc..) and ask if the child wants to play with them at they table or find somthing else to do?

both boys will run off happily into the nursery to have a look at what toys are out that day to play with or see how the chickens are outside.

Somone should at least recognise he has arrived - and is to be taken into their care???

Goodness I am feeling quite negligent that I haven't already said something.

YANBU. DS1 started nursery at a similar age, two mornings a week, whilst I was heavily pregnant with DS2. A member of staff always acknowledged us when we arrived. Even something as simple as "Hi DS1, we're playing with sand/cutting and sticking/painting do you want to come over?" with a quick nod to me.

Now he's 3.6 the room he's in has lots more children and it's very hectic but we are never ignored. I think the situation you describe is not acceptable and I wouldn't be happy leaving my child there. If it was a one off that would be different but from your op it sounds like this is the norm. Of course independent play should form part of the session but a child should always be welcomed on arrival. Sounds as though the staff are either struggling to cope such that they can't even spare a moment to welcome a child in or just plain rude. If you aren't happy or comfortable with the nursery then chances are your DC won't be either.

Is it possible to look at other nurseries/daycare? DS1 has loved the experience and it has prepared him well for preschool. It also gives you much needed time to focus on yourself or DC2!

Aside from anything else I would think this isn't safe. If nobody is formally recognising that your child has been left and is now in their care he could wander off and nobody would know.
We have a better system than that at the (almost) free playgroup I volunteer with!
I think you should move him. At 2 1/2 he might well be old enough for community pre-schools near you instead? At least there they would have set session times so everyone enters at the same time and is welcomed and perhaps more age appropriate activities which it sounds like maybe your nursery isn't providing either. they are also a lot cheaper!

He should have a key worker.
That's not to say that the others don't have anything to do with him, but it is one person who is specifically assigned to keep a very close eye on him, and have an overview of his progress.

For my dd, the key worker is also the person that if I have any concerns, I can go to.
By concerns, I mean things like, when dd was having trouble potty training, I spent ages discussing it with the key worker, making sure that we were all going to be doing the same things to avoid any confusion for dd.

Her key worker also fills out a sheet every half term, giving a summary of the half term (themes, progress dd has made with her language, and comments on anything I've asked them to support her in, like sharing which is not a strength in our house!). I then return it to them, with additional comments (if there's anything I want them to do particularly, like 'please continue to help her understand the concepts of sharing and turn taking!'). It is the job of the key worker to ensure my requests are being met, by making the other nursery staff aware as well as involving herself directly with dd.

At dd's nursery, I didn't know who hers was for a while, but that was deliberate. They told me they didn't assign them straight away, but waited to see who the children gravitated towards and then tried to organise it so that person was their key worker. That way, if she's upset, there is someone who has primary responsibility for looking after her, and it's someone she has 'chosen'. That person also has primary responsibility for communication with me.
However, she is by no means the only one to come out and say hi and collect dd, or drop her off to me when I collect her (I may see her three days out of five). The others are just as friendly and dd seems just as happy to trot off with them, and I am free to discuss any issues or queries with any of them.

If you haven't got a key worker, then who is keeping track of what he's doing? I don't mean which toys (if any) he's choosing, but who is tracking his ability to interact with other kids, who would you talk to if you were potty training and needed them to do the same things as you etc etc? Long-term style tracking?

It's worth knowing that dd's nursery has not had a single 'outstanding' for anything. It's scored 'good' and 'satisfactory', and is not wildly popular. But it is absolutely brilliant - the care has been second to none and their support in dealing with some quite difficult issues has been superb - and I recommend it to everyone I know. Demand for places is low presumably because it's not outstanding, but I don't care. They care for the children, even if it doesn't tick boxes! (They even organise weekend walks sometimes,so all the parents can meet each other and the kids can all have fun together!)

Wow that sounds awful!
How cold. I would look for a new, warm, welcoming nursery.

"It's just the toys that are out"

WTF???? Are toys suddenly rationed?

This is a big alarm bell IMO. Children are supposed to be able to express choice, help get toys out, and help clear away. Carers are supposed to engage with the children, and learn about their preferences, supporting their choices whilst gently guiding them to have a broad range of interests.

Children also need carers who get down to their height and work at building relationships with them, modelling friendly and polite behaviour.

Don't feel you have been negligent in failing to challenge this. Just say to your DC that you think there are better toys and more fun in any replacement nursery, and how important it is to have a nice time at these places. Children are very resilient.

FWIW mine have gone to 'good nurseries' because the 'outstanding' ones have been so parent unfriendly and the carers so much like OFSTED automata that I felt that was not good enough for my kids. I don't care if they are learning Mandarin and yoga, I just want them to pootle about having fun while they are out of the house, not spending hours queuing up for things, eating and defecating in a regimented fashion, and having their name scrawled on a white board as it has been decided that parents need 'speaking to' every time there is the most minor of kiddie infractions.

I am slightly reluctant to change nursery as it would mean settling all over again. And Ds is happy to go and happy on pick up, but perhaps that's just his nature and he'd be happy if moved.
Thinking about it, I wonder if the girl that slays welcomes him is te key worker. Perhaps I just haven't been told. But if she is not there we need a substitute. Which is what I will bring up with them. I feel a bit upset that I haven't looked out for him and stood up for him like I should have.
Will need to say something. I wonder if I should chat with someone or put in writing.
I suppose part of the problem is that he's dropped off at an unusual time wheneveryone is busy already. But that shouldn't be an excuse.

I don't think he would necessarily have a problem settling in a new one - you both need to be happy with your choice, not struggle on.

You could ask to have a word with the manager, however.